Stf's B'day Party

Today was Stf's ( the boss) birthday party.
In the last meeting Mz was discussing what should we gift her for her birthday; jewellery? Cooking book? scarf? Flowers? Plants? Gift voucher?
"I personally think," said I, "that she is very rich; she has everything. Our pecuniary gift of 20/-, 50/- or even 100/- Euros won't really be valuable enough for her to like it, much less, use it. She may appreciate it but I don't think she would really use it."
Everybody heartily agreed with me.
"You are absolutely right." Said Ndn. "Last birthday all the groups had painfully made birthday cards for her, even our little under two year old babies. She pretended she was sooo happy getting such lovely cards. Fifteen minutes after the party, she mercilessly tossed them into the dustbin. I saw them there myself and realized how stupid we had been in making them."
"And the gift vouchers which we gave her on previous occassions, she merely handed them to somebody else, her cleaner for example. I really felt bad then." Said Mz dolefully.

Finally we decided we need not buy anything for her gift since she would never use it on account of its value being below her status. We can get the children make something for her but again we need not work too hard on it because it will only be flung into the dustbin after the party.

My brought a photo album in which she stuck the pictures of each group and the teachers wrote their wishes and this we presented to her today in the party. We all assembled in the hall, sang German and English birthday song for her and ate cakes and goodies. She was nice. She had brought a beautiful bouquet for Cl to tell her that she was indeed sorry she was leaving.

Stf tried to persuade Cl to not to go

Yesterday due to being Friday and a really cold weather with just about -11 degrees there were only six children present in our group; in addition Asy was also absent on account of a bad migraine. So I and Cl stretched our 40 minute morning circle time to nearly one hour and fifteen minutes and half the time we were chatting comfortable because Asy was absent. Asy is very nice but we don't feel intimate enough in front of her for fear of being indiscreet. We have to remember that she is acquainted to Stf the boss through her boyfriend and may carry tales up.

So, Cl told me how Stf has been trying to persuade her to stay using a variety of hideous reasons which shocked and stunned her.

"Stf said that I am being emotional and foolish in resigning from such a good job here just because my boyfriend is shifting to another place.
 "Just consider; he will have a good job and you? You are losing your very good job because of him! Tomorrow he will find for himself another girlfriend and then you would really be very sorry. And which city are you shifting to? Oh, that is the worst city in entire Germany. It is so tiny, it doesn't have any opportunity for you. Maybe you could travel up and down everyday? The town where you are going to is not very far from here, is it?
Yes, it is. It takes about three hours to get there. I said.
"Three hours...Hmmm. You can travel this much if you want to."
No, I can't. It would mean spending my entire day in the train.
"Could you not could stay here and go visit your boyfriend on weekend?"
But I want to be with my boyfriend and spend time with him.
"And how much time do you spend with him right now? You leave him at about 6 in the morning and he comes back at about 7 or 9 at night. Its not really much. I am just trying to tell you that you should think about your own future and not your boy friend's. Should you change your mind you can always give me call any time, even if it is 2 am in the night.
Her reasons nearly broke me down. I know that place is very small; too small to have a big school, leave alone a big international kindergarten where I want to work. I know it would be difficult to get myself another job of my choice. I am trying so hard to stay positive and hoping that all would be well but the way she talked to me I was so shocked and horrified. I am sure she hates my boyfriend."

I felt so bad for dear Cl but I had a different point of view.
"I agree Stf is being so mean and horrendous to you but on the other hand, I think, you should feel flattered that she said all that nasty stuff just to persuade you to change your mind which really signifies that she finds you so valuable and so indispensible. As to jobs, don't worry; you will never have a dearth of jobs. You are a hard working and a dedicated teacher. In fact I suggest that since your English is better than that of the English teachers of this school and you speak and write it as well as your German, I think you can even consider becoming an English teacher."

I rather think she is extremely courageous to take such a deep plunge and still be able to think positive. I would have been down in the dumps for ages. I have thought she had a sacrificing compromising selfless character and this is the glaring example. Ordinarily girls don't dump their career for the sake of their boyfriend's future.

She will probably leave the next week and as yet we don't know - we have not been informed - who will replace her. Probably Ndn, probably someone new, and, I have not the least idea who would be better...!
Honestly speaking I have stopped thinking about this issue. I will meet it as it will come. No other option.

Chat with Mk

The talk of the school, understandably, was Cl today.

The only one not shocked was Mk.
"Its not shocking to me that she is leaving; what is however shocking is that she doesn't want to." He said wryly.
"You both were so similar," He continued." You both were hard working, loving and gentle towards the kids, striving to make a picture perfect, and happy with the school..."
"Well, as a matter of fact, I count you as similar to myself and Cl as well and the greatest similarity I can quote is that we three actually think about just the children and parents like nobody else does and don't bother a damn about the management, managers or any other politics stuff. We three feel happy with sheer inner happiness which we derive from being with the children and doing our duty with dedication. We are happy people- we were happy people. I am not much sure about this happiness once Cl leaves." I mourned.
"Make a guess who will replace her. Make a really nice guess."
"Ndn?"
"Yes."
"But she is not happy about coming to my group. Does she still feel this way?"
"Yes. She would still prefer to stay with the baby group but...!"

For a change, a teacher is leaving this school due to transfer reasons and not getting fired. For a change, a German teacher is leaving this school and not an English teacher...!

New season to start soon in the kindergarten

I am deeply apprehensive about soon getting a new team mate yet I cannot deny the prospect is somewhat challenging. I had slid into a comfort zone since far too long. Life had become too predictable, too easy, too imaginable. If you keep on doing something for a long time, you begin to degenerate... a sort of stagnancy creeps in. You might call yourself a steady sturdy stone that has gathered enough of moss to last through several life times, or, you might call yourself a stagnant, pool of water that doesn't regenerate itself, doesn't flow anymore, isn't fresh and healthy anymore. Life is change. You stop changing, you stop living. Maybe it is for our good in some other mysterious way..!

The spring time for me, in this kindergarten, is probably over. I am now merely reminding myself that be it warm sunny summer or cold, snowy winter, each is not without some beauty, some utility on this earth.
I shall see what happens and try my best to overcome the new challenge life is throwing towards me.

A sad bad news...! Cl is leaving...!

Today when I met Cl in the morning she said she had a bad news to give me.
"Bad news? What is it?" I asked eagerly.
"Let's finish our morning circle. I can't tell you before this."
"Is everything okay? Are you okay?" My heart had already started racing. "Are you leaving?"
"Wait, please. Let's finish our morning circle first. Then I will tell you." She implored.

We did the whole morning circle and all its rituals with my heart unsteady and mind completely boggled.
When we finally finished it and the toilets as well as handing out the snacks, she told me.
"I am leaving."
"What? Why? When? No..." I cried in disbelief.
"My boyfriend is getting a job somewhere else, far from here and accordingly I must move with him. I am so sorry. When he broke this news to me this weekend, I couldn't believe it either. You don't know, I have spent the whole weekend crying. I don't want to leave. I loved working here. "
I heaved a great sigh.
"You will get a job anywhere. That should not be a problem for you." I smiled sardonically.
"Yes, but I really did like this school. I loved working in an international kindergarten. Its doubtful if I can get such a school there. And even if I get, I won't have you. One of the main reason why I loved working here was you. It was such a pleasure working with you. You have been so good to me, so supportive, loving and caring. I know I might get another school another teaching job but I would never get another colleague like you." She broke into tears and I did too.
"I say the same about you. The reason why I liked working here so much was because you were so nice. I cannot even imagine my life here if Mz, My or Mk  had been with me in your place."
"Same here. I have always considered this possibility; suppose I had Mz with me or my in place of you, I might never have survived even two months leave alone two years."

 We clung to each other and wiped our tears silently. We both were looking forward to difficult tmes looming ahead...difficult changes...unwanted, unwelcome changes...an uncertain, apprehensive foggy future..!

Everything is going to change. Nothing would be same again.
I am asking myself how much it would affect me.
Personally, it is a great loss as I always thought Cl is one of the best persons I have ever known in my life. Professionally it means losing my independence, freedom, initiative and assertion. The group which I feel proud to have formed and developed was possible only because of her unobstrusive character which allowed me to do what I wanted. Any other teacher won't let me have my way, won't let me decide rules, subjects, themes, methods, everything especially if she knew that virtually she was the leader of the group.  My compact comprehensive morning circles will change, our beautiful weekly email to parents will change, language ratio will change and God forbid, I will change if she doesn't speak English...!

I will never have another colleague like Cl!

My dear dear Cl, I really do love you and respect you immensely for your admirable personal qualities. You are one of the best persons I have ever known or am likely to know in future.

Asy praises my group

Since Asy has been in my group she has visibly been happy. And there are enough reasons. However this was just my inner feeling.
Two days My called her to tell her that she needs to go back to Ndn and Stfn's group. She became so distressed. She outrightly told her that if she really must go then of course she would, but if she can choose then she would much rather remain with us.
"But you can't remain in that group as Ndn has to come to them. But if you do not want to go back to the baby group, you can also choose between Mk's group or Mz's group. And why do you want to stay with them?" My suggested.
"I will go to any group if you want me to but my personal preference is to stay with this group because this group is so nice. Working with * and Cl is so such a pleasure. They are so warm, friendly, easy going and take care of me and I feel really nice being with them. There is no stress, tension or hassel with them. Their group is very harmonious and well organized."

She told me she worked with Stfn and Ndn for about a month and didn't like there at all. They were so unfriendly and cold towards her. Stfn just didn't talk to her or greet her outside the classroom. There was absolutely no conversation between them and she felt so uncomfortable and uninvited amongst them.
"Whereas ever since I have to your group my life is completely changed. I feel well cared for, welcome and friendly. I love to talk to you all and don't at all feel stressed. You keep asking me if I would eat something, and send me to have my cigerrette break becasue you know I like it. They never asked me. I was so afraid that I might have to go back to them. Thank God, He saved me."

Another Fiery Meeting

Yesterday I had meeting in my room. As is usual with me and Cl, she always brings her home made cake while I bring Samosa and other Indian snacks especially for the meeting. Apart from that I also use table cloth,candles, tissue paper and other decorative items from my home. The school does pay us twenty Euros for this but till date I have always spent money from my pocket. Its too much of work claiming money back - I would much rather have my peace of mind.

So after the school was over I went to an Indian shop and bought samosas and other Indian snacks and papadums which nobody could pronounce without breaking into a giggly laughter. We laid the table with all the goodies and the scented candles and it looked really beautiful. They all gobbled up the samosa in one wink.

The meeting began just as usual amid idle gossip and chat. Mk since the moment he walked in looked upset and angry. I asked him what was wrong but he didn't tell me. Mz and Mk both were seated at the opposite ends of the table. I glimpsed Mk sneering at everything that was being discussed in the meeting. Finally when it was his turn to say something he said that he has started feeling that he is alone in the team and that nobody helps him even when he is in need.
At this Mz shouted back.
"What's your problem? Since the meeting began you have been making faces at me. I do everything to help everyone and you say nobody helps you! This is enough. I can't tolerate it any more. I am going." She got up pushing her chair with a loud thud, grabbed her bag with a big bang, and thundered out of the room slamming the door loud shut behind her.

We all looked at each other in mute amazement! None of us had expected this.
Just at that time I had to go out of the room too to attend S's call. When the call was over I glimpsed Mz crying in the office. I wanted to know what was on her mind. I went over and found her in tears with Nlgn (our accountant and a close close friend of Stf as well as a relative of our cleaning lady!) cossetting and consoling her patting her head and shoulders as if Mz were a little toddler who just couldn't get over the grief of breaking her toy or something.
I superficially mumbled, "C'mon, don't be so upset. I guess, Mk is in a bad mood today."
"So what? I am also upset. I am tired of him. He is always angry always making faces at me. I do everything to help him and this is what I get in return. I think he is jealous of my job. Let him take my job if he wants to. Maybe he can do it better than me."

It was total drama, like the ones you see enacted on stage or in typical drama films! the way she was shedding tears without emotions and the way she was wiping them and declaring her innocence and his hideousness. She knew Nlgn would report all this directly to Stf.

Back in the meeting room, the meeting resumed. A serious discussion ensued on whether we really are a team and concluded as usual without reaching any conclusion. What's the point of welcoming all the ideas, hearing them and appreciating them when you never want to implement them?

Mk, Ndn and I walked down together to the train station discussing this affair solemnly.

They opined that all our problems, all the problems of the school are just because of Mz faulty, incompetent leadership. Leave leadership, she isn't even a good teacher to begin with. She pockets her salary entirely for free. "The day she was absent and you were sent to her group, we all saw how the same children who are always rowdy and undisciplined and Mz always complains about them, how well they behaved and how happy they were when you took their charge. She just behaves like a spoilt brat and has so much of ego issues. Whoever injures her ego becomes her sworn enemy. She just seems to think that she is the leader and we all are followers. well, if she a leader, then shouldn't she have come back and talked the matter with him to solve whatever the problem was? How can you leave a solemn meeting in the middle of an argument, throw tantrum and go cry rivers in the arms of somebody behaving like a brat or a desperate housewife rather than a responsible manager of a responsible enough institution?"
"I think its time for me to start looking for job in some other school before I get fired from here, courtesy Mz."

Today morning when I went in everybody looked just the usual.
Cl asked Mz if she was ok to which she fiercely replied:
"Yes, I am okay now. I know why Mk is angry with me. He thinks that I am not a good manager and that he could do this job better than me. I want to tell him that I am the leader and not he and so he has to do what I tell him to.  He has to follow me and not I him."

When we started our morning circle time Asy, Cl and I for a long time kept discussing these matters. I learnt with some surprise that Asy and Cl both were actually against Mk because they complained that he is also very stubborn. He gets angry rather too often and then he just makes grim, grumpy, sulky faces without telling anyone what's wrong. This makes functioning with him really tough. If he has any problem or needs something he should say it.

Today being Friday very few children had come, only six to be exact. So I finished off early. The last evening's affairs had been so much on my mind that I was constantly thinking about them until I started getting a headache. I wanted to go home early. I saw Mk and Stfn sitting together on my room's sofa deep in some serious conversation. Stfn glumly said:
"I and Ndn together need to talk to Stf, the boss but we can't leave the babies alone. I asked My to send somebody to our class just for 15 minutes but she said she can't as she doesn't have any teacher free. Can you imagine, she was the one who assured us that we are a tea and we can always look for help when ever we are in need?"
"I am free right now. maybe I can go to your class and look after the children till you do what you want to?"
I offered.
"Really?"
"But yes."
She was so happy. She quickly left me in her room with two babies fast asleep in their cribs and went to talk to Stf with Ndn.

15 minutes later Ndn came back looking disappointed.
"We discussed our matters with her. She is so horrible! She didn't listen to anything. She has finally decided that Asy stays with you in your group as she doesn't want to leave your group. I was supposed to come to your group from next week but now I shall do that two months later because a new full time teacher is coming into our group and I must stay to settle her with the children. I shan't be a full time teacher in your group but will keep rotating from one group to the other wherever I am needed."

Stf was particularly bad to Stfn. "You don't work for me - you work for money. You can leave any day you want to."