Dirty and Dangerous

I was quite happy with the situation until yesterday but suddenly clouds are flitting aside revealing a somewhat dangerous facet which I, for some reason hadn't bothered to think about.

Nothing is as it seems..

Until now I had been considering Jn as a foolish hypocrite and not really anything more than that. Today I met Cl in the park. It seems all Cls are nice people and all Mrns are bad ones! ( She is a very nice middle aged woman with plenty of maturity, wisdom and good heart all of which shows on her face and I always feel drawn towards her.) I told her how Jn in our group who is seemingly far duller and dumber than a mouse is actually playing a clever game of her own. She pleases the boss to the limits of irrationality and carries private conversations to report about others- often times these reports are not even genuine. Already, she appears to have become the right hand person of Mrn!

She advised me to talk to her. "I have realized too that there's a lot of politics going on here; a tussle for power. And what you have told me just now is not just happening in your house, it's common in all the houses here and in nearly all the groups. But from what I have heard, this power game is the probably the worst in your house."

I pricked up my ears! This revelation suddenly fit the parts of the jig saw puzzle I had always been aware of, wondered at but not really analysed them as such. Mrn's taciturnity towards me, Ls, Jun, Sbrn's cool behaviour towards me, their contempt of Grch, Jn's existence from non - existent to nearly full blown right arm...the veiled allusions to certain things, the monopoly during the meetings, mysterious remarks, odd gestures ... it all suddenly started making sense now.

So now I know, both Mrn and Srn are strong strong contenders for top position or at least remaining on top and brutally trampling any other who dare climb up even an inch. They  also happen to be great friends together in much the same way as Mz and My. On the second rung of this killer ladder are Jun and Ls. Together these four guard their ladder and act as the owner or the under cover police system of the house. They roam about, passing through the diaper room, art studio, corridors and etc hunting for evidence of the single wrong done by me or two three hapless others. And if they catch you doing something wrong they don't request you to remedy your fault. They will smile their sweetest and let you do it and then publish your faults to the whole world without you getting a whiff of it.

It is disheartening to realize that no matter how good I am with the children, no matter how unprecedented good results I may have given to the parents, the children and the group, no matter if I possess a true spirit to do my best for the kindergarten and to learn quickly, I will still be judged in the extreme negative for doing something nominal such as forgetting to put on the cap on a child or changing my activity status on the magnet board....

Surfing in a new sea...same waters, different name, and I'm not complaining

I do so much want to resume my daily dairy about my kindergarten but am always so short of time. I will give it a shot though...

So a quick recap..

After I left that Kindergarten, and that was a little more than a year ago, I realized I was fast slipping into something like depression and melancholia. I would think about the horrible occurrences over and over again and every time I went to sleep would have a nightmare about Chri, Ank and Consti. I tried keeping myself busy, self learnt keyboard and then enrolled myself in a German course that pretty much ate up all my time to prevent me from brooding, yet the nightmares continued without fail...

One day, after three months to be precise, I received an email from Mrs Wlz asking me if I wasn't working then would I like to work in her Kita again under different conditions. I met her and talked to her to my heart's content. I was glad to hear her confess that she knew I had been a victim of conspiracy and mobbing by her staff. She also admitted that the same group which had begun doing so exceptionally well under me started rolling downhill as soon as I left and now it has reached such a lowly depth that she can only think of me to save it.
She offered me double salary, group leader position, offered to get my degrees recognized and complete command on my affairs totally uninterfered by anybody else in the school.
I accepted. The day I had to sign the contract I had to fly home to see my very ill mother. I stayed there for one month. When I returned Mrs Wlz regretfully informed me that she couldn't wait so long for me so she had employed somebody else. I admit it was like a big jolt to me but God does work in strange ways!
He had planned something else for me...
The same day, I received an urgent email from a Ja. She had worked in the same Kindergarten for two and half years and had resigned and joined another kindergarten, allegedly a big one! She wanted to refer me this big one now and immediately.
I did and bagged the offer with excellent salary with a truck load of perks. Dramatically, the day I received the confirmation email from this kindergarten, I received a second offer from Mrs Wlz asking me when could I join!

So I landed up in this kindergarten with the reference of no other than a colleague from that crazy hellish place.

Now I have been working at this place for eight months. It is a huge place with more than twelve groups and a gigantic staff. It is rich and luxurious, sometimes even extravagant and lacks practically nothing, nothing at all.
My horrible experience at the last one has doused a bit of my fire, I admit. I am more cautious now and prefer to keep myself deliberately hidden and underplayed rather than do anything nice and attract people's envy and jealousy.
My colleagues are pretty good, at any rate they are much much better than those old ones. Surprisingly, Ja is not the only one from that place here. There is also Gl the English teacher who I had replaced in that kindergarten! There are at least 8-9 people from that place and when we meet we always talk about how unbelievably bad that place was!

Just yeasterday, I was talking to Gl and she disclosed that about a month or so ago, Chri too applied here but was rejected. My heart missed several beats in a row!!!!!

Quirk of Fate...

Its  my fate's quirk again. I am doing Christmas play a forth time and facing a battle the forth time too.

The last time when I did the play I had to struggle because the administrator and managers of the school was against it for purely personal reasons and the rest of the staff was plain jealous. This time, I wanted to make sure that the administrator of the school really agreed with my plans so I asked her several times. Every time her answer was a swift and eager 'Yes' then I proceeded further. But then, the other teachers had to suffer jealousy pangs. They all have turned against me. Now only two weeks are left for Christmas Play, everyday something or the other happens to cancels the daily practice. I am getting jittery now.

Yesterday, as soon as I entered the school with my bag of costumes and my piano, I met Mrs Wlz. She greeted me and helped me carry the bag of costumes. I told her that my practices are not being regular and we can't afford that since the date is pretty near and we need to have more practice.
"Yes, of course. You can do it which ever way you like it."

Later, I went to Consti and expressed my desire that I wanted to have more practice and that I needed Ntl to play music. She erupted in panic!!!
"I can't give you my teachers. I do not have more time for practice. I have other activities to do at that time. The children have to do coloring, cutting, pasting and freeplay. We can't do theater the whole day. Why do you want only my theater? This is your personal theater. Why don't you ask other teachers of the school? Why don't you ask your group teachers?

I struggled in my scanty German to make her understand that this theater is not my personal but for the school and the children. The reason why I have chosen B Group is because this group has older children. The reason why I need Ntl is because she is B group teacher which makes it easier for her and me and the children to work in co-ordination together. I can of course ask anybody else but that would mean disrupting a sepearte group and a teacher as well. The time that I am asking for practice is the time when children do freeplay or art/craft activity; these two activities are something the children do everyday, the whole year. It won't harm them if their time for free play or art craft activity is slightly changed or decreased. Whereas the  Theater is a big event and is going to happen for the first time and only once a year.

Then I went over to Ntl. She was not even aware that this theater which her group has been practicing is meant to be in front of the whole school.
"Oh yes, then it really is important! I can help with the music but only if Consti allows me too."

After half an hour Cr jumped into this muddle with full pomp and show.

The Christmas Play practice and the Mary crisis

The Christmas fever is catching on even though it is one and a half month away.

I started play practice about two weeks ago. All the children are German speaking with the exception of Han who speaks English- so she is the narrator. Another very beautiful girl Mylu (and she also catches English pretty fast) is my Mary. The rest are just headaches! They don't understand English, don't understand theater and worse than that, they are such an undisciplined lot that they can't stop giggling. They either giggle or they talk. there's nothing between these two expressions for them and both so loud its impossible to do anything with them without shouting myself.

Last week, I heard the distressing news that Mylu is going on a month long vacation to Thailand so she can't be in the play anymore. There's not a single other girl in the whole group big or capable enough to play this central role. My eyes fell on Anj, the English speaking American girl in the Dragon Group.

I had briefly mentioned this to Mrs Walz. and she had agreed.

Last Friday, while coming to school, I accidentally met Anj's mother and asked her if she would like her daughter to participate in the play. She was very happy and agreed immediately. She also did not have any problem in sacrificing her snoozing for the sake of practice.

In the noon time I met her German teacher France and politely asked her permission to let Anj come to me during the snoozing time as I needed her for something. This Miss France, was visibly still nursing her wounds which my general remarks about the teachers gave her on that fatal Saturday meeting. With a severe rigid face and her mouth set in a thin line and displeasure and disdain writ large on her face she straightaway told me that was not possible.
"I have talked to her mother and she says she can be allowed." I protested.
"Aber sie kann nicht. She sleeps."
"Yes, I know, but her mother said she is old enough to stop sleeping now. It is really important that she be allowed. I really need her."
"Yes, but she sleeps. She can't go."
"Okay...maybe some other time? maybe before sleeping?"
"She eats at that time."
"Oh yes....leider...snoozing is the only time I can have her."
"Aber sie kann nicht."
"Okay, no problem," I gave in," I shall think about some other solution. I will talk later." So saying I moved away.

Anj was all the time hanging on my arm and had heard the entire conversation. When we moved away, she said in a worrying and accusatory tone
"My mom doesn't have problem why is Miss France having a problem? My mom told you I can stop sleeping. Why isn't she listening to you? Now what will happen? How will we practice the theater?"
"Don't worry Anj, I'll do something."

When I came to school on Monday an odd thing had already happened!
As I entered my class, Ank and Cristi enthusiastically delivered me Angle's message that I could have Anj whichever time I pleased. Angle is Anj's German teacher and group leader. A while later, I met someone while going downstairs and she repeated the message.
Half an hour later Mrs Walz came into my room and delivered the same message.
What's up with the whole school saying the same thing to me? I wondered.

Right at 12.30, I went to Anj's class to fetch her. She was ready waiting for me and the same chillies and garlic Miss France smiled at me with as much sweetness as she could and told me Anj was ready waiting for me. Okay...
On my way back to my class, little Anj told me
"You know, my mom was so angry with my teachers because they were not letting me go for the practice. She wrote a letter for them ordering them to so."
"What?" I cried.
"Ya! My mom was very very angry." She smiled sweetly.
I didn't believe her and thought she was just making that one up.

In the afternoon, long after the play practice was over, Angle came to me and asked how had Anj done in the practice.
"Nice really; we need a lot of practice."
"Well, look at this." She took out a letter handwritten in German. "Her mother wrote this letter for us ordering us to allow Anj to go at whatever time you want her to for the practice."
"I am sorry Angle, I didn't know about this letter. I had merely asked France and she didn't allow me. I was considering talking to you but till then this came. I hope you don't think it is my fault."

On a side note, I am first of all amazed how that little five year old girl could fully understand that that nasty Miss France was keen on not allowing her to go. Secondly, she went home and related everything with so much clarity that her mother took instant step. They both knew what they were doing! Upon my part, I really do not care what France or Angle think of me. I still think, France could have been more accommodating or at least tried to find a solution. She didn't even bother to ask me or her why I wanted her. She had just decided to be unhelping.

Consti has sworn vengeance on me

Today Ank was on leave and many other teachers were also on leave so there was an utter shortage of teachers in the whole school. Crist went to Frogs while I remained in the Lions with just a practicantin. Bears had just Consti and Natli.

Early in the morning, Consti came to fight me, "Why did you throw Leon's craft and paper in the dustbin? His mother had come and was very angry because of this."
Reality was, Leon and Max were just wasting sheets after sheets of paper by just crumpling them and brandishing them at everyone like swords or weapons. What I threw in dustbin was nothing like a precious piece of craft or art, just roughly rolled paper. She comes to fight me for this? God knows, if really the mother had been angry or not. I doubt a mother would want to angrily complain about throwing away just a rolled piece of paper which happened two days ago...!

I told her why I did it and demanded that I would like talk to his mother myself when she came today to pick him up.

Later when we went out to the playground, she came up to me yet once again.
"Tim doesn't like you. He says you are very strict."

Tim is an overgrown six year old boy tall enough to reach my shoulders and insolent, impolite and disobedient to quite the last degree. His face is the very picture of disdain. When everyone in the class say Good Morning to me or something else, he just turns his face away displaying rude expressions and refuses to do anything I politely ask him to. The fact that the Bears are extremely rude and undisciplined in the whole school and their teachers don't do anything with them, they are used to behaving in undesirable manner thinking it is okay. And when someone like me comes along and tries to tell them not to do this or that they are bound to feel offended.

"Consti, I am not strict. In my whole previous career children have always loved me. My own group children love me and the parents have never complained. I think the problem is something else. Your group is extremely rowdy and lacks discipline. My children never say I am strict, why should your children say I am strict?"
"I don't know. You must try to find out."

We talked together for nearly 15 minutes in as much broken English and German as we were capable of, but the outcome was nothing. I know of course she is just trying to make problems for me by hook or crook, and falsely instigating the children and parents against me is the weapon she has. I cannot imagine, the same children are disrespectfully scolded by Rivna and used to be screamed and shouted at by Sibrana but they never felt bad and never complained, but they feel bad when I am actually loving towards them.

The problem is not the children, but the teachers!

Today Crist had a one and half hour long meeting with Mrs Wal. When we later met each other in the park, she told me she had a long discussion with her. She was happy someone was telling her what new things to do in the school. She is amazed that out group is the only one to come up with so many new ideas. She has said yes to everything and declared that very soon she is going to make this a rule that every group will have its own morning circle on a weekly plan made by us; not only this, every group will have morning circle done both in German and English simultaneously. I remember, when I had given Mrs Wal my list of things that I wanted to be done in the school, at least two or three months ago, I had written the very same thing. At that time I thought she may have forgotten but I am glad she was actually considering this.

I am a bit concerned. I fear, Cristi is stealing my position.

I was just about to go home and was waiting for the mother of Leon to show up, when Consti came and told me that she had met the mother and explained to her that the child was using his craft as a weapon that's why it was thrown. the mother didn't know about this. She said, "Okay, if this was the case then no problem." and went away. "So now you don't need to talk to his mother."
The truth could well be that there was no complained in the first place! I should still, nevertheless talk to the mother to know what the truth was.

Halloween today

Crist and Ank had come dressed up as witches with a long black hat. We had already decorated the room yesterday and today a parent even brought a huge jack-o-lantern for us. The children were all dressed up and very excited. My group was the only one to celebrate Halloween on such a lavish scale. To a little extent the Bears too but that was probably because of the hype I had created in them over the last few days...

Consti by chance entered our party room and on seeing the candles burning started shouting that we couldn't have fire inside the kindergarten as it was illegal. She appeared to be quite happy finding at least one fault with us. We put out the candles and were deeply aware of Consti's dark intentions.
Later she came to me and suggested me that I organize some theater, song or some some presentation for the parents's coffee evening. Why?

I was on duty with the Bears when Pirs' mama came to pick him up. Last week, Rivna and Consti both had complained to me that Pirs is a sensitive boy who feels afraid of me and my English class because I pressurize him and force him to speak in English which he doesn't like, so he doesn't want to attend my morning circles at all. They also told me that his parents are German so they do not want him to learn English.

"I have heard Pirs is having some problem. I have been told he feels afraid here. Can you tell me the whole thing please? I want to help him and solve whatever problem he might be having."
To my surprise she spoke in good English.
"Oh, thanks very much. But my son is not afraid - he is very angry."
"Angry?"
"Yes. Because he is not taken care of. He feels neglected and unloved. He doesn't like this."

Unfortunately, she didn't have time so she couldn't talk to me in detail, but she has promised to tell me everything in detail on Friday.

I happened to see Mrs Wl and I tld her this.
She was surprised too. "You mean they were lying to you and telling you it was your fault?"
"Yes"
"Don't bother about them. They are all very jealous with you. And we will talk about this in detail on Friday. I am concerned about this."

I turned around and saw Consti standing right beside me. I am guessing she can't have understood me much as she was managing children and I was speaking really fast English. She can however have well understood what I was talking about as I took Rivna, Pirs and her name several times.

Today was Ysi's last day int he kindergarten.
Just as I was leaving, Cristi told me that Cati was warning me that I have been seen too many times without the school's Tshirt. I must wear it everyday.

I don't know what to make of this whole day.

boring days

Days here have got deathly boring. The day Annette got fired was probably my last interesting day at this strange kindergarten; well not just interesting but also having some conversation. Ann Christine is nice enough yet you cant really call her nice for doing all the cleaning stuff so that we teachers are free to do the teaching; occasionally she tells us what we have to do. Apart from this she prefers staying aloof, silent and deliberately taciturn, almost wooden and icy cold, probably she does this on purpose to maintain her distance from the employees or she really does feel averted and repulsed at the prospects of talking with them. In six hours I rarely speak to her six times.

Cathy has replaced Annette for the time being. She is another one, a disturbingly quiet, over the top satisfied frog in a well. She has no idea what the world outside is up to, and has no desire to be part of it even if she did. She speaks no English and self complacently tells me that "English is not my thing". So I am stuck with only the children to exercise my tongue and hear my own voice. Sometimes I wish Annette hadn't gone.