I am mildly amused to know that all the teachers including Cl try to avoid being seen talking to me. And now Ad has joined in this category of being avoided too. I noticed that apart from customary Hi and Hello and bit here and there general stuff nobody says anything much to me; well, I don't too but I noticed Cl in particular that she doesn't want people to know that she is friendly with me. I remember when she had gifted me those home baked cookies she had implored me to not to tell the others about it and she had expressed her sorrow for not being able to say anything in my support in that horrible meeting.
Before the holidays she was every bit the loving, caring, confiding, helpful, hard working, acomodating, polite, docile and sympathetic girl which I had written about. After the holidays she is different now. We only talk about anything that is related to our group, studies and children- strictly no personal talk and discussing sensitive issues like the play, Mz, As, Ad etc. etc. is out of question. She was aware that As was going to announce the new manager but she didn't breathe a word to me. Ad's out burst in the meeting must have been the most popular topic of conversation in the staff room but she and I didn't even broach it. When the meeting was over she waited for others to get ready so she could go with them till the station. My destination was also the same but she didn't even ask me. And now she avoids appearing friendly to me in front of others.
I know she is at heart a really good girl but she has only two shortcomings and that is she is weak and a coward; too weak to be able to stand up on her own and too coward to even think of standing up. A few days ago I had read somewhere that her name means 'lame' and this is truly the only word that describes her so aptly. While at one hand she is so afraid to let others know that she is friendly with me, she is afraid to let me know that she fears this. She is afraid to discuss sensitive issues with me for fear of my reaction and her desire to remain faithful to me at the same time remaining faithful to my enemies....! She even looks at me differently in front of others while surprisingly she is her former smiling self when alone with me.
I wonder if I should give her credit for being delicately diplomatic or pity her for her cowardice and frailty.
Since 4-5 months she has been doing a heavy and lengthy duty alone ( changing and undressing children then after sleep again changing and dressing up of about 20 or more children of two separate groups together while no other teacher helps her) in which she rightfully needs assistance of other teachers. I used to help her out even though that made me do over time by half an hour or more everyday (and As had clearly told me it was my personal reason for staying late so the school won't pay me for that overtime). I had twice or thrice advised her to discuss this in meeting and ask for assistance but she refrained because she didn't want to offend anybody.
Yesterday, during the meeting, she asked if anyone else wanted to say something. I asked her in low tones that I wanted to discuss this issue.
"No............no.........I don't have any problem..!" She cried in such an aghast voice and eyes puckered out in horror.
Yes, I resigned and thought. You are fit to suffer your plight in silence. In fact you need something worse than this.
Now I don't regard Cl as my friend at all. Telling her that she was like my little sister was a tiny emotional mistake. It's funny how some people don't seem to need parents, siblings, husbands, wives or children. They only need friends to satisfy their physical needs and bosses for money. I think I can safely say that the nice gifts I had brought for Cl for no reason and the affectionate sms's which I sent her when she was in Saudi Arabia to wish her Christmas, New Year and etc were a waste of emotions.
If you are good and also weak then you are as bad as any bad person...!
Before the holidays she was every bit the loving, caring, confiding, helpful, hard working, acomodating, polite, docile and sympathetic girl which I had written about. After the holidays she is different now. We only talk about anything that is related to our group, studies and children- strictly no personal talk and discussing sensitive issues like the play, Mz, As, Ad etc. etc. is out of question. She was aware that As was going to announce the new manager but she didn't breathe a word to me. Ad's out burst in the meeting must have been the most popular topic of conversation in the staff room but she and I didn't even broach it. When the meeting was over she waited for others to get ready so she could go with them till the station. My destination was also the same but she didn't even ask me. And now she avoids appearing friendly to me in front of others.
I know she is at heart a really good girl but she has only two shortcomings and that is she is weak and a coward; too weak to be able to stand up on her own and too coward to even think of standing up. A few days ago I had read somewhere that her name means 'lame' and this is truly the only word that describes her so aptly. While at one hand she is so afraid to let others know that she is friendly with me, she is afraid to let me know that she fears this. She is afraid to discuss sensitive issues with me for fear of my reaction and her desire to remain faithful to me at the same time remaining faithful to my enemies....! She even looks at me differently in front of others while surprisingly she is her former smiling self when alone with me.
I wonder if I should give her credit for being delicately diplomatic or pity her for her cowardice and frailty.
Since 4-5 months she has been doing a heavy and lengthy duty alone ( changing and undressing children then after sleep again changing and dressing up of about 20 or more children of two separate groups together while no other teacher helps her) in which she rightfully needs assistance of other teachers. I used to help her out even though that made me do over time by half an hour or more everyday (and As had clearly told me it was my personal reason for staying late so the school won't pay me for that overtime). I had twice or thrice advised her to discuss this in meeting and ask for assistance but she refrained because she didn't want to offend anybody.
Yesterday, during the meeting, she asked if anyone else wanted to say something. I asked her in low tones that I wanted to discuss this issue.
"No............no.........I don't have any problem..!" She cried in such an aghast voice and eyes puckered out in horror.
Yes, I resigned and thought. You are fit to suffer your plight in silence. In fact you need something worse than this.
Now I don't regard Cl as my friend at all. Telling her that she was like my little sister was a tiny emotional mistake. It's funny how some people don't seem to need parents, siblings, husbands, wives or children. They only need friends to satisfy their physical needs and bosses for money. I think I can safely say that the nice gifts I had brought for Cl for no reason and the affectionate sms's which I sent her when she was in Saudi Arabia to wish her Christmas, New Year and etc were a waste of emotions.
If you are good and also weak then you are as bad as any bad person...!
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