I have to resign...

A big change is waiting for me just round the corner!

S has been offered a new job in a new company in another city in Germany! We have to relocate in roughly two months time. This means it's time to say my farewell to my beloved kindergarten...!

My heart has turned as heavy as lead in my chest. I have lived a full life in this kindergarten full of love, hate, happiness, sorrow, elation, depression everything. I found new genuine friends, I rediscovered myself, reinvented myself and was blissfully basking in the glory of all encompassing admiration, satisfaction and happiness of parents, colleagues, children and even my employer. I loved being part of this school and learnt so much. I was able to better myself and better the school. I cherish each and every moment spent here. Though I always knew it was not for ever still, the idea to leave it now is grieving my heart. Its not just a farewell to my beloved school, it is, in all probability, also a farewell to my beloved job and my rediscovered freedom and passion.
 I cannot say, I will be lucky enough to find another similar job in the new city.  S and I have begun planning our second baby. I used to gloat over the idea that I could enjoy maternity benefits while being employed here. But now the situation will be different. If I fall pregnant, no institution would hire me; if I get a job and fall pregnant, I will have to discontinue and spend the next several months even a year or more without a job. More than less money inflow, remaining out of job for me, also spells remaining away from my passionate activity..

The situation for me is pretty bleak. I lose my job and H's free education. There is no surety of finding another job in that city on similar terms..... 

Mk's Honest Answer

I learnt that Mk had been offered the post of manager to replace My and Mz but he declined immediately.

"But why did you reject? I think you would have been a good manager." I told him.
"I have three reasons for rejecting the offer." He answered with a sublime smile. "First, I am not a leader type of person. I do not have leadership qualities, not even managerial ones. I cannot order others to do this and that. In situations of crisis, like we are having right now, I can not decide. I agree, I am a very good follower. You tell me something to do, and I will do it more nicely than you expected, but that's it. I am a very good number two person but I am decidedly not a number one person.

The second reason is this kindergarten itself. We all know how this kindergarten is lead and managed. I don't like it. I would hate to be a manager of such an institution which doesn't follow fair and just rules. For all I know, today she will make the manager and tomorrow throw me out on any false pretext.

The third reason is my personal one. Ndn is girlfriend, as you know. If I became the manager, it would be awkward to give orders to her as my junior and consequently it would strain my relationship with her.
That's it."

I admit I was not surprised to learn that he had been offered manager post now. It was high time he was! He is good, qualified, trained and well meaning. I am surprised by the honest of his reasons. There are very few people who would admit their weakness even to themselves let alone with others. For instance, when My and Mz were offered this post, they accepted it without thinking that they were not 'manager material' and didn't have even the basic skills required to do this job. End result? They messed up everything, at least with children, staff, parents and school reputation.

I hugely admire Mk for being this brutally honest with himself; he has risen manifolds in my opinion of him which needless to say again was already quite high.
 But there is something that he is missing out. He is underrating himself and that is his current fault right now and not the absence of leadership in him. Leadership ( or no leadership) of course makes a huge difference but in the current scenario, more than a leader, a person is needed who is popular, well liked and one with good intentions amongst the staff and parents. I am hundred percent sure he is capable of doing this and will be able to do it. As he says he is a good second man, we can make him do it if he thinks he doing his bidding and not really leading.

I will talk to him about this when the school.

I myself, would have loved to do this job but first off, I won't be offered as only Germans can be given this post and even if this rule could be relaxed, my stay in Germany is indefinite....

The last day of the Chaos and the Easter Celebration

Today was the last day of the chaos as we had the Easter party in the kindergarten. The school would now close for a long ten days vacation! How we all were waiting for it!

Stfn is a big lazy mutt, after all! It takes a herculean effort to raise her up or even to make her want to do something; and should any chance excuse present itself, then God forbid, she becomes totally immovable physically as well as mentally. It was she who decided the school couldn't look after so many kids; she decided to send as many children back home as possible; she made faces for the three/four children who stayed full time till evening because she had to supervise them; and now on pretext of less teachers she decided we need not have Easter party as well. "We don't need to do anything extra. Just sing a song and go for egg hunt, that's it!"
I was so frustrated with her indolent inactive brazen attitude. I shall do the best that I am capable of in the circumstances. I told myself.

It being the last day of the school, there were fewer children, at least in my group. We had only six children in our group and full attendance i.e. thirteen children in Mz's group. Like yesterday, we were to look after both the groups together and the rest of the groups were fine with their own respective teachers.

I started my morning circle without letting Stfn take another drastic decision that 'There is no need to do this..' and narrated the Jesus story to the children explaining why we celebrate Easter and how. Lm who had played the part of king Herod in my play was also there and I was so glad that he knew the entire Jesus story and I made him narrate it in his own way. He really knew everything!

I requested Stfn to do the entire thing in German. She winced and moaned and proceeded to do so with visible displeasure and such an effort as if she had been asked to climb Mount Everest.
While we were thus engaged who should walk in our classroom? None other than Mz and My!
We stared at them open mouthed and none too pleased. Why are they here? I wondered and just hoped they were not going to come back again. That was too bad even to imagine.
They kept talking in German to Stfn, Ndn and Asy while I tried my best to concentrate on the morning circle.

I learnt with great relief that they had just come to visit the kindergarten. They then visited all the other groups too. Significantly, Gbt went out of the kindergarten and was not seen till the end of the day!
After about an hour they went away.
They will have their farewell when the school reopens after Easter holidays. This is without doubt, the Parent's committee work!

Before going, I had a talk with Mk. I was surprised to hear that he too didn't approve of Stfn's decision.
He sighed," She was unstoppable. We, i.e. I and Ndn, tried telling her not to do so but she didn't listen. How could she do this? But you know what, she is right."
"What do you mean?"
"In Germany, only German teachers are considered as teachers. So technically at that time there really were only three teachers in the kindergarten; you, Mk, Mr etc could not be counted. And just three teachers are legally not allowed to look after so many children- not even with the help of other non German teachers- because if something happens to any child at such a time, then the German teacher would be held responsible. If I had been in her place I would have shut the place too."
"You too?" I cried incredulously.
"Yes. Me too. Because if something happens to any child under my care, then I will be responsible."
"So it is just this feeling of fear and risk that something will happen! Is it not the same everyday? Everyday we look after so many children and do various tasks with them. How can we prevent ourselves from taking any decision just because it involves minor risk. Isn't there similar risk in boarding your train, a flight or adventure sports too?" Everything we do has some risk attached to it but we don't stop living because of this. Sorry, but I really find this idea horrifying that we cannot handle a minor situation just because of a remote sense of risk!"

The school has now closed down for the Easter vacation of ten days....!

The Third Day of the Chaos.

Today was the third day of the chaos and appeared to be gently subsiding now having damaged everything that it was capable of in the last two days.

Fortunately Mk and Jr, (both the teachers for the second senior group) had returned back to work after their sick leave which left only Mz's group without teachers. We agreed to look after both the groups together. Everything went fine.

Both Ndn and Stfn looked a bit serious and slightly stiff and cold towards me. "Is anything the matter?" I asked Ndn apprehensively.
"No no, we both are unwell." She said hurriedly. I was relieved. Later, however, I saw Mk and he too appeared strangely cold and distant towards me. There was something in his eye which I had never seen before. Not at all his usual warm friendly self. I asked him the same question if he was angry with me but he too denied it by saying that his kids were horrible today so he was just angry with the kids and thoroughly stressed out. We didn't get time to speak to each other at all.

While we were having our morning circle, Athn's mother called on phone to ask if she could now send Athn to school. Mks asked what reply should he give to her. Before Stfn or Ndn could start shaking their heads from east to west saying "No, please", both I and Asy yelled loudly," Yesssss. She can come. There is noooo problem." I was so afraid to look at Stfn and Ndn after this.

I offered to do some activity with the bigger kids as I was sick of seeing them just play, play, play and do nothing else since the last three days, especially since they are big enough to do plenty of activities by themselves.
"I don't think this is a good idea" Stfn shook her head as she always does at everything. I have begun to think her head only knows this movement. "The weather is fine and sunny and we should take them out to play in the park after the snack. This way we can take care of them better."
"Of course we shall all go out. I just think an activity would be nicer with them so that the parents do not think the children haven't done anything in the school."
"We don't need to worry about this at all! "She exclaimed shocked by this idea. "They know the kids are without their teachers. They should be thankful of this fact alone that the kids have at least been properly taken care of. Nobody will ask you why nothing was done with them."
"Well, yes, you are right but I still prefer to do something with them."
"Okay. Then, it is your decision." making me feel as if  I was going to pronounce death sentence to someone's whose guilt I wasn't sure of and which could create a serious irrevocable damage to all people concerned.

I arranged the whole activity which consisted of making an Easter bunny with cotton wool. The children liked doing the cutting pasting and creating stuff and I was happy for them. I could feel both Stfn and Ndn's heat on my back and I couldn't say I didn't care. My worries were increasing by leaps and bounds at this turn of the situation. I like both Stfn and Ndn.(The others as well) and would hate to offend them; I do not want them to be in trouble but neither do I agree with their wrong decisions. I think they are feeling bad that I am not thinking like them, taking reigns in my hands for small issues and not agreeing with them.

During the sleeping time I had a talk with Asy again. A lot more secret news tumbled out of the cupboards.
Asy is fully realizing how Stfn is making blunders and together Ndn and Stfn are trying to prevent me from doing right things. Sometimes it almost looks like they have a malicious intent of making things deliberately go from bad to worse so they can accuse Stf that it was because of her own decisions that it happened.
That girl Athn's mother called Asy on her mobile and told her everything how her daughter was sent back home. At the moment the mother is undergoing a lot of personal problems, the girl is staying with her grand mother and comes to school from a far off place which takes two hours to travel just one side. She was also angry that she is paying such a hefty amount to the school to let her daughter attend the school for just three days a week and even that the school has problems in doing.

We both were so sorry for her. Letting Athn stay would not have posed any difficulty to us. After all, many other children who were being sent away were brought back and they all as well as we all were absolutely okay. I was sure, if I had been present when Stfn forced Athn to go back, I would have brought her back like the others.

Asy told me that Stfn is also floating that she received an sms from Stf that she was allowed to send children back and that Stf  has also sent an email to parents requesting them to keep their children at home if it was possible. This is not true. No such thing has been done.

Asy also received a call from none other than My, shedding tears on the phone and saying that what Gbt and Stf are saying is not true. She has heard that the school is in chaos and wanted to know what was wrong. But Asy swiftly answered that nothing was wrong and whatever it was, we handled it nicely. Cleaver that My was, she didn't disclose to Asy that she was being requested by the Parents committee (through the school's cashier/accountant/Stf's friend ) to come back for a short time!

I was talking to Jr and he revealed another interesting point.
"I can't understand why such an uproar about shortage of teachers has been created. Two weeks ago, when you were absent, we were just five or six teachers in the school lesser than what we are now. Nobody said there was any shortage. Why should they say it now when we are actually more than that number? It's nothing new and we didn't have any great difficulty in managing. Why is this situation being treated like it were a Tsunami or something?"

It is all work of Stfn and her super negative, helpless attitude of "No, it can't be done. It is very difficult. We can't do it."

There is a new admission in our school amid this chaos. An Indian boy. Everybody was so engrossed that  the poor boy and his shy hesitant mother were not noticed by anybody. I offered to guide her and informed her about everything feeling so ashamed of the whole situation.
Today, I saw the father and boy Pv is his name, standing outside my classroom.
"I am standing here since half an hour." He said patiently. "There was nobody to tell me where I should take him."
I was so sorry for him. I took him to Mk but Mk almost rudely bluntly replied:
"No. He is not in my group. He is in Mz's group."
"What? But I was told he is in your group?"
"No. He is not in mine."
"And where is Mz's group?
"I don't know."

I again cut a sorry figure in front of him. He was smiling sarcastically at me. I brought him back to my room and apologized for the confusion. I felt so angry that I had to be ashamed in front of a parent, and double angry that they all want to decide important things and make stumbling blocks where as no body was bothered to handle smaller things like helping a new parent and a new child in the school.

After hearing everything Asy says: this is all Stfn's fault. She had no right to do this and she has deliberately done like this. When she is warned that Stf will be angry, she says she doesn't care- it is Stf's fault. When she is told that the parents were angry, she is secretly pleased and again says, "They have a right to be: they are angry because of Stf's fault." As if she wanted the parents to be angry to make Stf feel bad, frustrated or pressurized.

And amid all this, I am getting that uncomfortable feeling that I am earning everybody's hatred and resentment.
Stfn, Ndn and Mk have begun to dislike me....!

The second day of chaos

Today I went in early, anticipating a continuation of yesterday's chaos. We all were hoping that today the student turn out would be nearly half less or even lesser, considering yesterday's plight but amazingly it turned out to be even more than that of yesterday as if the parents were being cheeky and wanted to see for them selves how and what we do now! But we were more mentally prepared today.
I saw Mtn. He asked me about the situation and I hinted that it was again like yesterday but we were more prepared today and that from tomorrow the situation will begin to improve. A parent whose girl I had taught two sessions ago, talked to me expressing his disgust for the management which can't resolve simple issues like this and his admiration and praise for me and the other teachers who always do their job so well which is why he continues to keep his daughter in this kindergarten. The same old story and so similar for everyone....!

Stfn looked at the crowd of children in deep chagrin. She hadn't stopped persuading all the parents to take their children back if they could. One child of my class Athn arrived with her grandmother and was forcibly coaxed to go back; the grandmother first pleaded with Stfn to let her stay as she had a problem with her car and taking her back was difficult. But Stfn was adamant. The grandmother became so angry! She took her back of course but with bad feelings. I felt so bad when I heard about this incident through Asy later.

Before Stfn could entertain the idea of doing something hokus pokus like taking them to the gym for morning circle, I gathered all the children, about thirty three, and started doing morning circle. Everyone became quiet and disciplined and the morning circle went by very fine indeed. We had to take them to toilet. I wanted to take them all together; we could finish the small children first and let the other bigger children go in the second toilet by themselves. But Stfn said, "No. It will be too much. We must only take them group by group and not all together."
I almost lost my temper...!

The rest of the day was just like yesterday: playing free everywhere in our room and the hall and letting them do nothing while the teachers kept watch over them. Ndn and I completed the Easter baskets and after that I took some bigger children to the gym to play games with them. Even this Stfn was't allowing me to do. She  said she wanted all the kids to be together so that we do not have to worry if someone is missing.

Asy and I talked together again, in the sleeping room when the children were asleep. I told her I strongly felt that Stfn's decision to send the children back was not right and this error could get her into trouble. As teachers we should be able to handle this rather than telling them to go back which sounds so humiliating and shameful.

 Mch agreed with me and seemed pretty disturbed that she might get in hot water for this. She keeps reminding everyone: "I didn't do anything. It was not my decision."

I had begun to feel really worried about Stfn now. I went and talked to her: She on the contrary seemed least bothered.
"No. I won't fall in any trouble. It is Stf's fault. She fired both Mz and My and didn't even tell the rest of the staff what they were supposed to do and herself is now on a holiday and unreachable through phone or mail. Now we are without sufficient teachers, no manager, no instructions on how to deal with this and plus have to face all the parents' resentment for My and Mz's sudden dismissal and answer all their uncomfortable questions."
I, however, am less confident. In fact I am sure the next trouble we are going to have is to face Stf's wrath.
I still think, Stfn overreacted on the situation and took extreme step which resulted in further trouble. Her response to parents,"Oh, there is teacher shortage today, can you please take your child back home?" just pressed the panic button in the entire parents' community which was just not needed. I mean, if she had managed to keep silent until all the teachers had arrived and then discussed the situation among us, we might have been able to handle 70/80 children without much trouble and the parents would also not have felt weird and panicky.

Ll's mother came to pick her up and asked courteously how was the day today.
"It was absolutely okay. We did have a lot of children, but we managed and there were no problems at all. We had our combined morning circle, snack and lunch, we played games, sang songs, heard stories and made our Easter baskets-"
"Wow! So the daily activities continued as usual! That's sounds impressive! You people have even been able to do the activity which you planned."
"Err, no. I would have loved to do that but no. We just finished the Easter baskets, that's all. We have to have them ready for Thursday's Easter party, you see."
"You know, yesterday there was such chaos in the school. Everybody was being told to go back and-"
"Yes, I know and I feel so sorry about it. Actually there was a shortage of teacher and as you know, My and Mz were also suddenly not there. The teachers panicked; and what happens when you panic? There are more mistakes and more confusion!"
"Everybody was so confused and angry. But the moment they saw you walking in the school, they calmed down suddenly feeling relieved. They all said,"Oh, she is here. Everything will be okay." You are so calm, stable and confident and you spoke to so many parents telling them to not worry, that they were all relieved and relaxed. We felt so thankful that you were there. I noticed and the others as well, that you were so sure there was no problem and whatever there was you could manage it. We brought our children back confidently. You are really nice!"

I just couldn't believe my ears. Needless to say, I was so happy to hear that. But I still can't believe it. I am sure by "everyone" she only means Ls's mother and/or maybe Ksk's mother...
I cannot even tell this to the others! the will think,"Oh, so do you mean to point out we were fool?"


The parents committee has sent a mail to all the parents, detailing them of the current situation and has suggested to bring back My and Mz at least for a short time to combat this shortage. The committee is also trying to organize their farewell! No! For God's sake...not this, please!
I feel like puking....

Discovery about As, the old boss!

A new teacher Tn, from Nigeria, has joined our staff today as an English teacher. She had worked here two months ago for three days in Mz's group.

Today was her first day and she and I were walking down to the station to catch our train. She was apparently taken by completely surprise at the panic and the chaos in the school on her very first day. She was extremely baffled and stressed too.Then she started telling me something which made me sit up.

She told me she was working with another teacher of this school in another school.
"A tall, bulky bossy woman with long hair. As"
"As?"
"Ya ya. You might find it interesting that last year I had come to this very school to apply for the post of a teacher. The door was opened by you. You took me to the manager and she was the manager. She was so horribly rude to me that I cannot describe to you. "No. We don't have any place for you. You go."
You witnessed it and felt bad for me perhaps. You expressed that you were sorry you couldn't do anything for me. You were so kind. You were the only one who spoke so nicely to me. I obtained job in another kindergarten. A few months later, who should walk into my room? This As! She had joined that kindergarten and was in my own group. She didn't recognize me and I didn't disclose. It is a small world. Better be nice to everyone."

Mtn's mail

I was astonished to find several interesting mails in my inbox today - which I hadn't expected.

First there was Stf's general mail to all the parents in honey sweet words saying she was sorry to inform them that "Our valued teacher My and Mz have resigned and will regretfully quit the school on 1st of April.' without elaborating the reason why they were doing so.

The second mail was that of the parents committee to all the parents telling them that unfortunately My and Mz were quitting and they wanted the management to negotiate and postpone their resignation till the session end or at least till two weeks so that the children could say a proper farewell to them.

Yet a third one was from none other than Mtn himself telling me that he had been requested by Stf to change the password immediately so he was giving me the new password and requested me to pass it on to the other teachers as well as he didn't have their personal email ids.

I smiled to myself. Mz and My have managed to dig such a big pit for the school and Stf herself, yet look at their deftness in diabolicalness. The parents and the children think the world of them and are trying to forestall their resignation.

I wrote back to Mtn through another mail id that he need not waste his sentiments on them - they deserved this fate.