The new girl Ll is now three weeks old in our group if we remember that she comes only three days a week and then was absent for one whole week due to illness and she is nowhere close to even starting to settle down. It is normal for children not to leave their parents; it is however not normal for parents to not want to leave their children - and that in a kindergarten !
The second day when we had planned to separate her, she was doing fine and maybe would've done fine but she glimpsed her mommy and cried so much till her mother had to come in to calm her down. Since then her mommy appears more frightened of the separation than the child. So we are spending our entire school day with her constantly at our elbows. Ll is a highly demanding child and knows how to get her way. Now of course she knows that if she cries loud and hysterical enough, mommy will show up, so whenever we try disappearing her mommy, her cries bring her back.
She is also extremely active, willful, stubborn and extremely lacking in discipline, respect for elders and obedience. So whenever you tell her something to do, a defiant, insolent, high sounding "No" is hurled at you which gathers more and more rudeness as you sound more and more polite and loving.
Today finally the mother too started showing signs of growing impatience at her demands. I talked to her and told her that although we know that if she is separated now she will cry of course but will eventually be fine within 2 days, but we sense that the mother won't feel comfortable so we aren't stressing. We want Ll as well as her, both to be comfortable with us and school. She looked so relieved and gracious.
Then I told her that today after her lunch, she should let Ll play in the dummy kitchen as she loves playing with Tea set and other kitchen stuff at home; and to talk to her about the school the whole day long at home. Together these two would help her in accepting the school in a more positive manner instead of associating it with a place where she must remain without her mommy.
And my tips worked!
Today the mother child duo was present. I tried taking her in my lap in front of her mother sitting at just an arm's distance from me, but she screamed and screamed and became quiet only when she sat near her. This was plain obstinacy. It couldn't be fear or apprehension. She just wanted to be near her mama that's all. After the morning circle time, we took her along with the class to toilet and I instructed the mother not to accompany us while I kept Ll's mind thoroughly distracted and she was fine! Then we just smuggled the mother out of the classroom and Ll for the first time spent the whole day with us without crying, only occasionally recalling her mommy, and was really fine. She even started talking and playing with the other children.
It is a fact that the longer the parents stay with the children in the school thinking they are helping in settling down, they are actually not. If anything, it only delays the settling period because first the child has to learn that he is expected to come to this new place everyday and do things in a certain way which are different from home. And then he has to learn that his parents might leave him here.for short periods of time, and then the shocker that he must remain here absolutely without his parents. Letting parents stay longer only allows the child to think that they will forever be present and so he suffers a bigger shock when they don't come anymore. Isn't it more agonizing for poor children? It is better to initiate the separation from second day first for a short duration and then for long.
This makes me wonder...! In the group, almost all the decisions are made by me, all strategies are carved by me, all advises and tips are offered by me, all reasons are given by me. Cl merely carries them out but is called the group leader because she is the German teacher. I am glad that my group and its success and happiness is basically shaped by me and I can safely admit that it is fully my creation. However, not being too proud, I must also remember that it takes two hands to clap. If Cl was not such an obedient, respectful colleague, I might not have achieved this success at all.
The second day when we had planned to separate her, she was doing fine and maybe would've done fine but she glimpsed her mommy and cried so much till her mother had to come in to calm her down. Since then her mommy appears more frightened of the separation than the child. So we are spending our entire school day with her constantly at our elbows. Ll is a highly demanding child and knows how to get her way. Now of course she knows that if she cries loud and hysterical enough, mommy will show up, so whenever we try disappearing her mommy, her cries bring her back.
She is also extremely active, willful, stubborn and extremely lacking in discipline, respect for elders and obedience. So whenever you tell her something to do, a defiant, insolent, high sounding "No" is hurled at you which gathers more and more rudeness as you sound more and more polite and loving.
Today finally the mother too started showing signs of growing impatience at her demands. I talked to her and told her that although we know that if she is separated now she will cry of course but will eventually be fine within 2 days, but we sense that the mother won't feel comfortable so we aren't stressing. We want Ll as well as her, both to be comfortable with us and school. She looked so relieved and gracious.
Then I told her that today after her lunch, she should let Ll play in the dummy kitchen as she loves playing with Tea set and other kitchen stuff at home; and to talk to her about the school the whole day long at home. Together these two would help her in accepting the school in a more positive manner instead of associating it with a place where she must remain without her mommy.
And my tips worked!
Today the mother child duo was present. I tried taking her in my lap in front of her mother sitting at just an arm's distance from me, but she screamed and screamed and became quiet only when she sat near her. This was plain obstinacy. It couldn't be fear or apprehension. She just wanted to be near her mama that's all. After the morning circle time, we took her along with the class to toilet and I instructed the mother not to accompany us while I kept Ll's mind thoroughly distracted and she was fine! Then we just smuggled the mother out of the classroom and Ll for the first time spent the whole day with us without crying, only occasionally recalling her mommy, and was really fine. She even started talking and playing with the other children.
It is a fact that the longer the parents stay with the children in the school thinking they are helping in settling down, they are actually not. If anything, it only delays the settling period because first the child has to learn that he is expected to come to this new place everyday and do things in a certain way which are different from home. And then he has to learn that his parents might leave him here.for short periods of time, and then the shocker that he must remain here absolutely without his parents. Letting parents stay longer only allows the child to think that they will forever be present and so he suffers a bigger shock when they don't come anymore. Isn't it more agonizing for poor children? It is better to initiate the separation from second day first for a short duration and then for long.
This makes me wonder...! In the group, almost all the decisions are made by me, all strategies are carved by me, all advises and tips are offered by me, all reasons are given by me. Cl merely carries them out but is called the group leader because she is the German teacher. I am glad that my group and its success and happiness is basically shaped by me and I can safely admit that it is fully my creation. However, not being too proud, I must also remember that it takes two hands to clap. If Cl was not such an obedient, respectful colleague, I might not have achieved this success at all.
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