Forgive your enemies but remember your lessons !

Strange though it may sound, but it is nevertheless true. I have no ill will against As or Stf or Mz or any of them. I have almost forgotten the entire episode remembering only the lessons learnt. Wisdom says forgive your enemies but remember the lesson. Forget the damage but remember the damage prevention and control methods.

When I had started out to do the play I was fully prepared to face surges of jealousy, resentment and opposition from my colleagues. I had even anticipated As's resentment to a certain extent knowing and having experienced in the past how sometimes sub-heads take offence if their unders start jumping far and high. About the children and parents I had not a doubt - not one single whit. What I had failed to guess and still do is why were As and Stf together against the play thing. I do know that As and most of the teachers hate parents. They hate every minute of their time spent with parents or their presence on the school premises. But certainly what logic do these people have for hating the play? That, it increased the rubbings between the parents and the school or teachers or it gathered all the parents in the school for roughly 2 hrs or so? or was it  really only jealousy to see how parents responded to me and united with me? I wish I could know...!

It might be that the management which in other words mean only Stf and As did not like my becoming popular and powerful with the parents. Money was never the question. I brought things out of my own pocket and still haven't charged for it and am pretty sure the total money can't exceed 50 Euros. Every group has a budget of 20 Euros per month which the teachers are free to use in buying things for the group. Where the hell did it burden the school budget? Neither did it interfere with anyone's or even the children's daily schedule.

I perceive a lot of wisdom in Mk and An's silence. They know the truth. They don't like it anymore than I do but they also know that speaking about it can only mean their own termination without cause.

A mail from Mtn...!

I have just received an email from Mtn...something which I never expected.
I guess, when I told him I was in trouble with the management and couldn't talk to him openly he found a way of helping me out by searching for my email address from the list of addresses of teachers which he had used to create mail connectivity for the school. He had expressed his concern for me and wanted to know if my job was safe or not. I should tell him so that the committee can put up resistance to stop them from sacking me.


The mail touched me deeply and for several minutes I had no control over my tears.
I read and reread and reread the mail some hundreds of times. This mail gave me a proof of my being sane after all. The experiences of past few days have lamost made me doubt my sanity and righteousness. I wanted to reply him immediately but S advised me not to. Once bitten twice shy. I don't want to fall out of the fire into the frying pan. I don't know this Mtn and cannot trust that whatever info I reveal in my mail or conversation will not be mishandled.  As it is I always stay away from opening my mail accounts from the school computer just in case I am spied upon...
I feel doubly bad now because at one hand where Mtn is sympathetic to my cause and wants to help me out on the other hand I cannot even trust him nor even answer his mail. What will he think of me?

After a lot of thinking I decided I would just send a non commital reply which cannot be mishandled even if anyone tries to.

I am still trying to come out of the trauma of being so hideously treated. The 'hows' do not bother me so much as the 'whys'. I fail to understand why the management was so brazen for something that was good for school.
Just look at it, how different it could have been if the school had supported me; and what support I needed?

I guess there are some serious faults with the attitude of the management. They are the boss and they want to control everything. The fact that it made me popular and close to the parents warned them in a negative way. They do not want teachers who can become popular enough to start exerting power. The socrateses of the world always get poison in the end just for this reason. The fact that I was becoming popular which gave me a certain power was the reason for their dislike.

This Stf especially looks to me like a character having plenty of shady patches. She is ruthless, relentless ambitious, will stop at nothing, honey and poison type of person.

Now I know they are wary of me. This Christmas play has done more for me that I am giving it credit for; it has brought me into a lime light which makes it difficult for them to get rid of me as easily as they did with other before me....

Mtn's mail has illustrated how the parents support me and I am deeply thankful for it.

Closing day of the school.

What I had presumed to be my last day of the school turned out to be just a closing day for the Christmas holidays. Even if it were my last, I had still been hating the idea of antagonizing my  colleagues and employers before leaving them for ever. Hurt as I was over their callous behavior, I still thought love must prevail over hatred, good sense and tact must have an upper hand over cunningness and base instincts. And whatever I had suffered and was still undergoing at least I had the satisfaction that I had done my job well - parents and children were enough proof of that. I shouldn't be setting my service standards according to those colleagues who come to school only for sipping hot coffee in the kitchen and lounging in the staff room as if they were on a premium vacation.

Entering the school that morning was almost like entering an enemy camp. It was difficult to hide my humiliation, the degradation, the bitter injustice, the bitterness itself. I greeted everyone just as casually as I normally did everyday but I guess my face was speaking volumes. As was trying to speak nicely to me chiefly because now she knew that I am not leaving and I might be telling tales which can endanger her reputation.

Ironically, today my and Stfn's groups were merged; yesterday, when I needed the group merger so badly it had been denied to me....Nobody broached the sensitive subject of the play. I had been working overtime since nearly 2 months. Now having realized the futility of hard or sincere work I have made a resolution. I won't work less but neither will I work more now. No extra work. No extra time. No obligations.

Before leaving, I hugged everybody including As and wished them Happy Christmas, Happy New Year and a Happy vacation. They all returned my hug and wishes and I don't care what they were secretly thinking.
My holidays had begun....!!!

The play, the shock and the miracle....!

Today was the Play day.
Cl was not there and As refused to merge my group with Stf' to free me to make last minute arrangements for the play. Ndn  was sent to my group but lately I have realized she too is one of those dirty bitches who speak to you as if they were your bestest friend and spit venom no sooner your back is turned so I wasn't exactly comfortable with her...but then of late, I have hardly been comfortable with the others too...so doesn't matter...

In the morning Mtn came to me and asked me casually what arrangements were made for parent's seating. I replied in a subdued voice that I wanted chairs but was refused so maybe he should ask As. He looked at the stage and exclaimed that with beautiful orange chiffon curtains, elevated carpeted stage and even the lights the arrangement really did look pretty promising.
I let out a deep deep sigh. I wished I could tell him how much I had to struggle to do this much.

It was horrible to share my sweet children with Ndn as she was clearly being very hostile to me and she scolded and handled the children harshly the way I or Cl never do. But my mind was too preoccupied to bother about this and I didn't care what she thought or did. Go to hell; all of you. I have been able to do what I wanted and I shall never see and do not want to see any of you after the 23rd of December.

Despite her frowns and scowls and dirty glances at my back, I kept doing what was needed. Soon, it was 1 0'clock and the participants were brought to me for dressing. There were 2-3 people to help me with it but stupid Alc didn't know how to tie their wraps securely so many children's dresses kept coming off and had to fixed 3-4 times. The children looked so pretty and cute with their lovely costumes, jewelery and moustaches which I made with a black marker pen.
The music man had already come and was playing melodious tunes on his accordion in the hall way lending a truly festive spirit. I was vaguely aware of parents coming, oohing and aahing at the dressed up children and taking pictures with their camera.
Then, when we were ready, I led the participants into the hall and at backstage. I was roughly aware of a hall full of people. S had come fully equipped to shoot the event on video camera as well as a camera. Stf, the boss of the school, was also there. Her father was covering the whole play with the intention of posting it on the school's website as a promotional advertisement.

The play started.  I believe it must have been a somewhat grand sight with golden light streaming on those tiny lovely little actors handling their pretty colorful costumes and acting in full earnest. Dear children, they all spoke loudly so that their dialogs were audible to the audience and the parents too maintained necessary silence. Dear Lm, he was upset and was crying but still he spoke his lines as well as he was capable of. And I had eyes and ears only for what was happening on stage. I did hear though that parents clapped in appreciation at every scene and expressed their admiration at cute or emotional scenes like Mary and Joseph hugging each other or Mary crying in pain or Mary being frightened on seeing an angel.

The play was barely over and Mk's father leapt, yes, literally leapt  on to the stage before anyone could stop him. In the meeting yesterday, I remembered As telling us that Mk's father had expressed his desire to say something after the play but had been refused permission.

He took the stage in his own hands completely authoritatively and gave a short speech thanking us mostly me and Mko for doing this play. Other members of the committee jumped in too and seemed to hold the entire audience in command. On behalf of the parents' committee I was presented a huge flower plant and a big chocolate to Mko as a token of appreciation. He went on to tell us that parents have collected about 200 Euros which is being donated to the school for Summer festival celebrations. A deep painful sigh left my heart...!
Then we presented all the actors one by one. They were all given a small gift from the school and I and Mko both received a big one.

The play was over. The whole school was singing the praises of the play. The parents had arranged for a small buffet for the parents and the school staff. Everybody looked so happy, satisfied, full of enjoyment and merriment. Some children started dancing in front of the music man on his lovely vibrant music. I looked at them with a strange satisfaction in my heart - this is the happiness I had planned, dreamt, worked hard and fought with the school for....!

Then came the shock.
As called me in the office amidst all the revelry going on in the school in full swing. Stf , the owner of the school was sitting over there. Neither of them had any happiness or appreciation on their faces. Without any beating about the bush Stf began,
"I have heard that you are planning to leave but you are not certain when. Since English teachers and that too trained and qualified ones are so difficult to be found and we need a lot of time in finding another one to replace you, I have decided that -" I didn't let her finish. I cut in straight without thinking, without planning, without pausing even for a fraction of a second.
"But I am not leaving."
"But you said so yesterday." As said.
"That was yesterday. In the late evening we received the news that my husband's project has been extended and that means that I am not going. For all I know I might stay here another year or more."
Nothing could have been whiter than this lie and nothing could have been blacker than their faces. They both were suddenly at a loss for words. They fumbled like a blind man on a mountain and were actually looking disappointed.
"So.....so, ...you...you mean to say that you are not leaving?"
"Absolutely."
"And you will give us 2 months notice whenever you leave?"
"But of course."
"OK,..." she looked in confusion towards As who was just as surprised as she was," then, I think...its no problem. You may go now."
"Is that all?" I asked.
"Yes."

It was after I walked out of the office that my emotions sank in. The whole laughing merry crowd suddenly appeared to me like a hazy, far away, unreal dream like stuff.  So they were firing me...! My hard work, dedication and sincerity for my job, all the development and happiness which my work has brought about means nothing to them. There is no question of right or wrong - they want me to go because I have been fool enough to disobey what they wanted. They want me to know that they are the boss....How could they be so...
I kept seeing people without actually seeing them and kept talking to them as they talked to me without even hearing my own voice. At any rate, talking and smiling pleasantly was nothing short of torture to me at the moment. I just wanted to be alone. My mind was completely buffeted by  a deep turmoil I cannot describe.

I was alone in my room folding away the costumes when Mtn came in. He congratulated me on the success of the play and I accepted.
" You know, I have a suggestion." He carried on. "From next time we should also try to involve all the parents in the play too; for example when the play finishes all the parents can join in Christmas song. That would be very nice. What do you say?"
I laughed bitterly. " The idea is excellent but don't worry. There won't be another Christmas play in this school."
"Why? What do you mean?" He cried.
" I have been banned from doing any such thing in school again."
"What?"
"And the management is very angry with me because of the play and because I talked to you about the mikes. After the play was over I was called in the office. They were trying to sack me."
He stared at me open mouthed in complete horror.
"We must'nt even be seen talking to each other because they will suspect. Please, do not tell about this to anyone."
I immediately came out of the room. I happened to go in again after 10 minutes and was struck to see him standing motionless, gazing out of the window with his back turned towards me, lost in deep thoughts and he appeared so tragic that I cannot describe. After another 15-20 minutes, he was still at the same spot in the same position and yet after another 10-20 minutes he was still there. His child, my actor, had joined in and was happily playing with a toy cart but in deep contrast to this Mtn was still standing quietly gazing out of the window. He appeared to have been almost paralyzed with what I had told him.
 The room had gotten dark. Most of the parents and children had left and yet he was still there in that somewhat lonely, dark and quiet room. He seemed to be celebrating the same tragedy of injustice and cruelty which I was celebrating in mine.
I have rarely seen anybody so sad...!

I finally saw him dress his child and go. He was putting on his shoes quietly and he knew I had come in but he chose not speak and I too didn't say anything.

Parents had finished their Buffet and now teachers called me in the kitchen to join them in the buffet. As was also there. I took a piece of lebkuchen and then left. Considering that today and tomorrow were the last day for me in this school, I had plenty of packing to do. I went to the hall and pulled down all the curtains, wires, stage props etc etc. and packed my synthesizer. S started helping me with the packing and I quietly dropped the latest news in his ears. He was surprised too but he is a strong man -he didn't let his face betray anything.
I swiftly told Mko too. "Oh, I am heart broken to hear this. It breaks my heart to know that you, who did so much for the school, is getting such treatment..." He exclaimed and I know he meant it.

The day ended.
S, H and I were going back home with a heart ache. We were mid way, waiting for our train when S suddenly got a phone call from his office. His project has been extended. What a news and at what a time..! This is something for which it has been said " God works in strange ways."
I thank God from the bottom of my heart. Now I know it was His inspiration that made me blurt out a perfect white lie in front of Stf and then He converted it into a perfect truth.
If God is with me, then I don't care who is not...but in future, I should remember not to be foolish.

The Fight...and the farewell...!

What a day today..!

I was putting the curtains on the stage when As called me in her office.
Looking as thunderous as she was capable of she demanded
'Have you sent this paper?" She pointed that detailed plan which I had written and An had distributed.
In perfect cool, calm and confidence, in complete control of the situation in my hands, I replied promptly.
"Yes."
"Do you know that you have no authority to act like this?"
"Yes, I know."
Do you know that I am very angry with you because of this?"
'Yes, I know."
My straight forward calm replies threw her completely off guard.
"Then why did you do this?"
"Because of you."
"Because of me?"
"Yes, because you deliberately cancelled the meeting, so I had to do this to inform everybody of what duties have to be performed and when. It was important."
"I didn't cancel the meeting."
"Yes, you did."
"No, I didn't."
"Oh, come on As, how can you lie like this to me. You know you cancelled the meeting "
"Well, I am going to hold a meeting today at 4 pm regarding tomorrow's arrangements."
"Ha ha ha ha', I laughed," So finally, we are having a meeting now. Better late than never." She ignored my heavy sarcasm.
"And besides this paper, I am also very angry with you because you talked to Mtn about the mikes."
"But you never told me that I was not supposed to talk to Mtn or anybody for that matter about the mikes. I talked to him only because I thought you wanted to arrange the mikes and were unable to so he might have an idea how to procure one. As, do you mean to tell me now that what ever you have been telling me all these days that you are trying to get mikes is a lie? Do you mean to say that you never wanted me to have mikes? As, I swear, if you had told me I wouldn't get any mike for the play, I would have just dropped this idea long ago. Why did you keep me in dark? I thought I had your permission for doing all this. If I had known you didn't want this play I would never have done it. And now I am too far gone to cancel it."
"You don't understand. Because you talked to Mtn about the mike, now the whole committee as well as all the parents are being after my life with their inquiries. They want to know why we cannot arrange a mike."
"Frankly speaking, even I cannot understand why we cannot have or why you do not want mikes; and more than that why you could not tell me so clearly in the beginning."
"We are a kindergarten. We can't do things like these plays."
"Who says that? I don't believe that. Kindergartens all over the world do this. It is very much a part of any kindergarten curriculum."

Instead of attacking me, as she had planned she was herself under attack now and she wasn't very well on guard. We talked in precisely this strain for next half hour. I told her that I wasn't getting any support from her and that quite a lot of people inside the school and out were aware of this. I also told her that I know she for some reason dislikes me.
Before leaving, I informed her that my husband's project in Germany is about to end which means I might have to go back to India but of course nothing is definite. We have been in this state since many years.

She had reassured me that there was no need for me to attend the meeting as she mainly would be discussing duties. But on later reflection I decided that I must attend the meeting. This As is not trustable at all. She might try to speak false things about me to the others. I was right.
I was shocked to see some teacher's faces looking clearly against me and they were. That stupid Stf complained that because of the play arrangement her break is getting delayed by 15 minutes since 2 days.
"I must have my break on time. I am tired of this play thing."
"The whole school is finished because of this play." As commented." and from now on, we are not going to have any such again in this school. This is a kindergarten and we cannot afford to do things like this. The whole school is suffering badly."
"Excuse me, "I interrupted," Nobody except me and the children is doing anything in the play; I alone take rehearsals and alone make all the necessary arrangements.Who is doing what that the the school is being disturbed? Merely that Stf's break got delayed by 10 -15 minutes? Do you know that yesterday I worked in this school from 9 o'clock to 7 0'clock without even drinking a single drop of water? And I am not working so much for myself. This play is for the school, the children and parents. I am not going to get any reward or promotion for it. If anything I am spending from my own pocket to buy things which the school is refusing to arrange.And I am doing all this only because I just have a sense of commitment for my job which I now realize, is pretty useless here..
"This play is your personal thing." As remarked.
"No, it isn't. The play is very much for school even if I am working alone for it and whether you want to believe it or don't. We are a team. We are one. Whatever I or you or anyone else amongst us does here its all a team work."
"Whatever, but next time we aren't having any such thing again in this school.

I was deeply hurt by their insulting reactions. What type of school is this that dislikes to have things which actually bring good reputation, children's development and parent's admiration? As, Mz and Stf are plainly abominable; when I asked who will arrange chairs for the audience, Stf commented insultingly, " How long is the play? Only about 15-20 minutes. For merely 15-20 minutes why should we work so hard to place the chairs and remove them? Let them sit on the floor." and this when several parents are happily offering to help us with anything we want them to.

After the meeting got over, I sadly went back to the hall where I had been setting up the stage and cried to myself.  A little later, Mko came and we talked to each other about this for half an hour. He was also very sad for me and corroborated that As is a real problem for this school.

I had told Cl today in private that I was going back to India and we might never meet again as she is leaving for Saudi Arabia early tomorrow morning for her Christmas holidays and the chances of seeing each other in January are really non existent. At first she was aghast. She stared at me for several seconds and then she burst into tears. "No, please don't say like this. I can't let you go. You have been so nice to me. I have enjoyed so much in your company. I can't imagine working here without you. I will also leave this place if do so."
She clung to me like a frightened little baby. " I will pray to God that your transfer is cancelled and we meet again."
"Do you have a sister?" I asked.
"No."
"Then from today, you are going to be my little darling sister." And we fondly hugged each other with tears of affection in our eyes and a strange desolation and fear creeping in our hearts that we really might never see each other again. I knew she was a very nice girl and we had always shared a good friendship between us but I confess I hadn't imagined she loved me so much that she would break into a cry on hearing me go.
She came to say final Goodbye to me after the meeting was over. She is leaving early tomorrow morning. She had brought a small packet of home backed Christmas cookies for me as token of her love and affection. Dear dear Cl.

Tomorrow is the D day.....!

The music man..!

While I was just passing through the underground passage to catch my train back home and was completely in deep thoughts, I saw a man playing music on his accordion to earn some money from the passers by. A thought struck me. What if this man could come and play music for the audience through out the whole function time? It would be lovely to have some back ground music while children and parents enjoyed themselves and this would create a real festive mood.
I turned back, went up to him and talked to him in the little German that I knew. He has luckily agreed. He will only charge 20 Euros which I shall pay from my own pocket. I have spent so much for this really silly Christmas play, why not a few more that actually benefits a poor man?

The fight for the curtains, the stage and the lights...!

The stage is all set now with the backgrounds, curtains, a carpeted elevated dais and lights as well. And now ask me what I went through to get all this...!
I cannot imagine how these people can be so dead artistically. They do not desire or are even aware of how things can be improved upon or created. They have no sense of presentation, appearance and definitely no desire and will to work - just forget hard work..!

To begin with the teachers were totally unable to understand why I was so keen and working hard on presenting different scenes like King's palace, Bethlehem, or Stable scene." Its not needed. We all, as well as all the parents, know full well the whole Christmas story. When the king comes we can imagine that this is happening in his palace or Jesus is being born in a stable in the night time, no? You don't need to set up backgrounds to tell us that."
I argued that play doesn't just mean saying a few dialogs. It has a certain way of being presented as a whole; It is an art which involves acting, expressions, dressing up, scenes, background, sounds, light and music together but they merely thought I was being insane. Perhaps I am but I don't care. I am only doing things the way they should be done. Just because it was never done before in this school doesn't mean it can never be done or will never be done.
Then the question of the stage. Since we don't have any elevated dais type area in the school which could work as stage, I had planned long before that I would create one by putting tables together with a carpet on top. Everybody started resisting. "Why do you want a stage? The children can very well perform on the floor. Standing on tables can be dangerous. The children can fall down and hurt themselves. The tables can slip; besides we need tables in class, how will we manage without tables?" and  blah blah blah
I somehow silenced them by saying that I needed the stage because the children being so small won't be visible to the tall audience and this can create a chaos; and anyway, I was not taking all the tables of the school but only a few and tables won't be dangerous; my actors know where they have to walk.

Finally when I secured the tables, they started resisting that I shouldn't cover them with a carpet. Why? Because, the children might get confused where they were standing. Let them know that they are standing on tables; they'll be more careful. Besides the carpet can make them trip and fall. Better spread a quilt on it because it is soft"
Their intelligence beats that of the dumbest ass in the world. ...To think that they will even be able to stand erectly on a soft, fluffy, mushy quilt while they will fall down like autumn leaves from a withered tree on a flat, firm, anti slip carpet is beyond me.

They weren't even letting me cover the sides of the tables too which looked really ugly revealing the underneath space of the stage but I covered that too using other smaller anti slip carpets. As had already refused to arrange any lights for the stage so I carried my 2 bedroom table lamps and An brought her's and dear dear S went straight to a big electronics shop and purchased a huge 10 meter extension chord to support these 3 lamps so now I had been able to arrange stage as well as stage lights too.
And As and the whole school says we can't afford to have such programs. They are too much upscale....!

I had requested As to provide me hut cut outs and she had agreed. At the last moment she cozily told me she couldn't. She hadn't imagined that if she couldn't give me I would create my own. I painted big triangles of paper to look like thatched roof, painted designs of windows and doors and kept everyone guessing what I was up to; I was so afraid I would be told I wasn't allowed to do this too. Nobody could surmise what those triangles and squares etc were for. Finally at the last minute when I  stuck those triangles and squares on children's bright red colored mattresses to look like a house or a hut it was too late for them to tell me I couldn't do it. As's eyes nearly fell out of her head when she saw my huts....!

I want to tell parents committee about As

I am sick of As's horrible attitude. I am working alone for this damn play which is for school, children and parents and she is deliberately creating cheap hurdles for me, why? If she so much dislikes the play she can tell me to stop it, no? Of course not; the enthusiasm of the parents and the children is brimming over and if anybody
tried to stop it they will explode like a bomb. I have decided that if I happen to meet Mtn in school, I will quickly tell him about this situation or if As says something to me I will outright question her what's her problem.

I had gotten late for the school. I gave up hopes of meeting Mtn as he usually comes early to drop his son. 'Perhaps God does not want me to take this action.' I concluded with a deep sigh. The very next instant who should be standing next to me but Mk's father...! Mk's elder son is the narrator in the play and because of the play his whole family is greatly in awe of me. Every time he or his wife meet me they are always full of my praises . And he is in Parent's committee, in fact he is something big thing in it.

I wavered for several minutes and then by way of formal conversation told him cursorily that As and the school in general were not supporting me. He was not shocked as I had assumed he would be. He told me he as well as many others were plainly noticing that I am not being supported and felt very sad for me. He said he would get in touch with the committee and together they all will try to exert pressure on As regarding this question.

I am relieved but can not help feeling bad in some corner of my heart. I didn't mean to be disloyal in this fashion.

Today I created the stage backdrops by sticking papers on the walls. My play constitutes of 4 acts and each act has its own scene so now I have to portray Mary's house scene, King Herod's palace scene, Bethlehem scene and the stable scene.
I have also made a detailed plan of the day regarding an accurate timeline of how and when and who will look after Christmas Party, lunch, sleep, actor's costume dressing and make up etc. so that there is no confusion. Actually this is something that should have been discussed in the meeting which As deliberately cancelled to put me in trouble. An will distribute this paper to all the teachers. Right now I am stitching curtains....

These are my last days in this school but I rarely find time to brood. My mind is so full of play and the whole lot of responsibilities which I have to perform alone.
I still haven't talked to As about this. S says no need to talk about it right now. After the closing of the school on 23rd of December for Christmas Vacation I can anytime mail her about it. She can't come gnawing and gnashing at me through flight windows....! Will serve her right for being so nasty to me the way she is.

Play preparation

On Saturday, I went to market with S and H and bought a lot of things for the play, curtain material, jewellery for participants, ropes for curtains, pins, safety pins etc etc. I really do not want to go and ask As for anything even as small a thing as pins and being snarled at with a straight forward "No" as if I were asking for a million dollar loan.

I arranged for Ndn, (who is an extra teacher who is free to go to any class wherever she is needed) to be with my class with Cl so that I could do other works like painting stitching etc for the play. Then the next day Stf came to me to say that I cannot have Ndn with me because she needs her to help her make children's Christmas presents for their parents.
I felt bad but politely agreed because luckily I had finished major bulk of my work. I wonder what sort of teachers are these who cannot judge which work is more important. This stupid Stf thinks making Christmas presents is more important than the event itself; she already has An with her to help her make those damn presents and besides she stays in the school till 5 pm and even some of her children stay just as long so she is in no way short of time whereas I leave at 2 or rather 3-4 pm as overtime for Christmas play and all the actors leave at 2 pm too so everything regarding the play has to be done by 2pm. And I swear those Christmas presents can be made in one single day...!

Then I had asked An to play the music on synthesizer.The reason why I had chosen An was because she had shown interest in helping me with the play and because she gets over at 1 pm which makes her conveniently available to me without disrupting any one or anything. And you know what? Now these days poor An has been asked to to do overtime till 3 pm for NO apparent reason. She merely looks after a very small child in Stf's group. It is astounding because that little child was earlier also in the group but An never was asked to stay back just to look after her.

It seems to me like an evil design to deprive me of any help from any quarter....! I just can't believe it..!

Mike trouble

Twice or thrice in the past I had asked As if she could provide me with mikes, lights, stage etc. and she had replied me in the affirmative. There are no mikes in the school and she had told me that she will arrange somehow or maybe even buy them.
Now only 4 days are left for the play and still no sign of a mike. I asked her again and she told me she had not been able to arrange for a mike. That just can't be. The children speak so softly, their dialogs will never reach audience's ears.

Today, just as I was entering my class I heard Mtn, talking to As. Mtn is an important member of the parent's committee and his son is acting in my play. He was quite happy with me for doing this play and selecting his child. He had asked me if there would be mikes and I, naturally relying on As's words then, had assured him that yes there will be mikes.
It occured to me that if I talk to Mtn about the mikes maybe he could suggest something. As soon as he passed by me, I greeted him with a Good Morning. He greeted me back and himself asked me how was the play going and if all the preparations had been made. I candidly told him that we had not been able to arrange the mikes.
"What?", he cried loudly and thoroughly shocked," No mikes? That can't be; we have to have mikes."

I can't tell you how much his disconcerted dismay delighted me. Now, this was somebody who clearly cared as much for the play as I do. The type of response which I actually should be getting from As , I was getting from a parent...!
As heard his voice from the kitchen and came rushing as if she was afraid of what I might be telling him. She was clearly not pleased but I might be imagining. Whatever, we three discussed this matter for nearly 20 minutes in which Mtn considered every possible way from buying to renting and then finally decided he would contact other parents regarding this problem and see if something else could be done.
"We still have 4 days to go. I only wish this problem had been brought to me a bit earlier, then definitely a lot could have been done, but never mind, maybe we still can do something...!" His positive words and his sincere concern filled me with a new hope and I am so much happier now for telling him.

I noticed that while As was talking to Mtn, she was so polite, soft, concerned looking, and looking as if she is so much weighed down by the worries and responsibilities of this event; she was almost purring like a cat. Half an hour later, when I happened to talk to her about something else, she snapped back at me in that brutally unhelping, rude, beastly sort of way which has of late become usual between us.

I am still wondering how much is As helping me or wants to help me with this play. For instance, Mtn comes everyday to school to drop his child. Can't As have talked to him about the mikes on her own when she discovered that she was unable to arrange mikes from her level? Being school manager, how can she be so unconcerned with something that is so beneficial to school, children and parents...?

Parents' are hugely enthusiastic...!

Parents are so happy with me for doing this play. Almost everyday I meet 2-3 -4 parents telling me that how much their child loves to participate in the play, how he nows the dialogs of every other actor in the play and how he keeps talking about the play at home. They constantly praise me for doing such a creative thing and that too of this level in this school because it was never done here before and because it gives a whole lot of new experiences to children and builds up their confidence and skill.
It is surprising that even those parents who are commonly regarded as problematic, lacking respect for school and teachers and trouble makers by the whole school, actually come and talk to me in reverent respect and many a times they have openly asked me in which ways they could help me.

Their joy and appreciation for play and me is really overwhelming. The same with children. Almost the entire preschool is in my play and it is amazing how they love me. Whenever they pass by me, they come to tell me that they love me and gives me plenty of cute hugs and kisses which they NEVER do to their class teachers. They are ready to do anything for me and generally listen and respond to me better than their class teachers.
I overlook the suppressed irritated, rankled expression on Mz and Alc's faces who are their group teachers. Perhaps I would feel the same if my children loved any other teacher more...I can't help it either.

Whatever, I am here only till last days of December....and now don't care what happens after that. One thing is for sure. The parents and the children won't forget me so easily...nor so soon...!

I talked to Lm's mother today. She was also very concerned about this. I discovered that she knew about this stage fright but didn't know what to do. As it is she is somewhat overly influenced by the Lm's horoscopic predictions that he will be a great singer, or actor one day. Formerly she had no inkling about Lm's talents but when I selected him for the Christmas play and told her about his acting prowess, she has now admitted him into a regular acting school which clearly shows how seriously she is taking the prediction.

Every time she sees me, she breaks into a praise for me; she appreciates me so much for this play because that is how she has discovered Lm's talent. She is so concerned for him to do well that she has also consulted a Homeopathic physician to give him a medicine to reduce his nervousness and to cure his stage fright altogether.
Yesterday she asked me how I could arrange for a professional video shooting of the play so that Lm's grand parents who stay in Austria can also see him perform.

And the funny part is no teacher in the school, not even his class teachers, has any sympathy for either Lm or his parents. They appear brutally brazen to me and take delight in ridiculing her anxiety and wishes.
I don't understand this. Every parent thinks like this so what's wrong in her wanting to record the play because her child is acting on stage for the first time?
Seems like many people in this school are in wrong profession here...!

My King has stage fright...! Oh No..!

Today I decided to take the practice in front of all the children and teachers My purpose was to get the actors a feel of the audience and to shake off their nervousness.
The moment Lm who is King Herod and is the finest actor I am having, heard of this he broke into a cry. He didn't want to act in front of anybody and was so frightened that I was shocked and in turn I became frightened too; suppose he refused to speak up that day?
I consoled him and encouraged him a lot and he finally did his part but I was disappointed to see his quality go down. So from now on I am going to take practice in front of all the children to shake off his nervousness otherwise.....I tremble even to think of it. I now recall, he used to forget his opening lines every time although he remembers everybosy's dialogues

As hates me...!

Yes, she hates me and though she may never say so of course she does nothing to mask it either. The presents of the secret santa which I had given her are lying about in the staff room as if to proclaim their insulting rejection. She doesn't even talk to me friendly. She has not once seen the play nor once expressed any concern or desire see it. She seems to be wishing me all the ill luck for it and I am determined that shall not be. I am committed towards the school, the children, and the parents not to As and I shan't let anyone of them down. Long back ago, I had requested her to provide me with stage props like hut cutouts, horses cutouts, pole like sticks etc. She refused most of them and now I have decided that I shan't ask her for anything at all. I have bought Mary's and king's dress material out of my own pocket and have even sewn the dress. I swear, Mary looks heavenly in her blue nylon dress.
Today I painted the huts and made sticks out of rolled black paper. I shan't ask anything from her.

I am reminded of how I had faced a similar situation in both my previous schools in India. It is quite routine with me; the head loves me and sub head hates me.
I am wondering what should I do. Should I inform about her to the committee which if nothing will at least get her in a tiny trouble or should I forgive and forget all this believing in God's justice?
I know of only one thing and that is As is too strong in her position to be even shaken by an inch by something as feeble as a parent's committee and I do not want to hurl a pebble on a thoroughly bullet proof screen.

As is behaving strangely...

One party was over and I set myself in preparing for another party.
Every fortnight we have a team meeting in our classrooms and this Thursday, I was supposed to have it in my classroom. It being also the last meeting of this year and also because I always like to give an extra touch to everything that I do, I decided to make it special by planning Indian food from a restaurant and decorating the table in lavish style with plenty of gold flowers, gold table cloth and red candles. I was really very excited. Then came the blow. As told me she has cancelled the meeting.
"What?', I cried. "Meeting is cancelled?"
"Yes" She replied in her characteristic brutally blunt and violently rude tone."Meeting is cancelled."
"But why?"
"Because there is nothing to discuss."
"But I have so much to discuss regarding the Christmas Play." I protested.
" You can talk to teachers on your own. There is to be no meeting."

Everyone in the school was as shocked as I was on hearing that the meeting has been cancelled for a reason that is so obviously an invalid reason because having a meeting and discussing vital points about that day is the need of the hour

The truth is so ugly. Ever since I took on the play, I immediately became a hot favorite with the parents and children and this has been too hard to digest for As, who herself hates all the parents and prefers to think that all parents always hate all the teachers no matter what teachers do. Mz too hates my popularity because the same parents who abuse and criticize the other teachers actually pay reverent respect to me. As has no doubt deeply regretted many times that she allowed me to have the play. The parents and children are so excited and happy about it that she cannot cancel it but she can make things difficult for me which is exactly what she is doing. She has refused to make me free for taking practices, refused to provide me any teacher to help me out, deliberately occupied the teachers who were free and biggest of all she has refused to provide me with essential things like mikes, stage props etc. And now cancelled the whole meeting itself...
I was so terribly upset and wanted to resign  immediately but I guess I shouldn't be rash and stupid. I have decided to carry out the play with or with any help. I am capable enough to do it alone but thankfully Mko and An are still helping me out and in any case I cannot break parent's and children's hearts. I do feel like telling about this ugly behavior to the parent's committee which respects and loves me a lot and the committee would immediately confront As and ask explanations but I don't want to make things uglier than they already are. As it is S is about to get tranfered and we may go back to India in just 2 weeks time so I think it is better to retire with respect than suspicion and speculation. I do not want teachers to refer to me as someone who complained against them to the committee even though I know they deserve it fully.
Dirty dirty politics...!

No fresh news about S's project extending or any new one starting.....!

The Christmas Party

It was decided by the management to hold a Christmas party for the staff in an Iranian restaurant.
I was somewhat shaky as I have no experience of a party in Germany. I wasn't sure if I knew exactly how to conduct myself, dress or do justice to their food which is entirely non vegetarian while I don't even eat egg. But everybody reassured me that I needn't be apprehensive as everybody is coming in casuals and there will be specially arranged vegetarian food for me.
In any case, I just had to go to deliver the final gifts of Secret Santa game...

After the school got over, I searched the restaurant amid great difficulty. It was heavily snowing and I had forgotten to bring the address map. After I trudged for nearly 2 Km I called S who directed me on mobile, step by step in locating the address. And then when I got in hoping to find the manager who understood English to be able to carry out my instructions, a woman of the staff took me to whom? but Stf my boss herself...! She was there to decorate the restaurant and to make any final arrangements for the party and when she looked at me she was as astounded as I was. I mumbled something about searching the restaurant and quickly came out. Blow blow and blow..! What the devil do I do now?
Then S advised me to take Stfi in my confidence. There was really no other way. I went up to her again and taking her aside told her everything. She broke into a sweet smile and promised to do as I wanted her to.
 Now I only had to wait for the party.....!

The party was a nice one. We all enjoyed so much even though I made out that nobody liked Iranian food.
It was a small crampy little place but Stfi had decorated it well with lots of red hangings, red candles, pine cones, feathers and chocolates.To my surprise I found it was Mz's family's restaurant and also noticed that Stf, her whole family and even As were were so close and friendly with the Mz family. Now I know, no matter even if Mz commits a murder in this school she will never be asked to leave. Their friendship is far too strong...!
My presents were laid out on the table. I heard As say to Ad " I know who is giving these presents." When later it was asked who was this Secret Santa, quite a lot of them easily said it was me and I owned up. Cl said she knew all along it was me because she knew me well enough. The others said they had suspicions on me and Cl influenced their opinions.
Then our private secret santas gave us gifts after we made a guess. Except just 2-3 people, everyone had guessed correctly. I was right Mz was mine and Mym guessed I was hers. Mzi gifted me brown earrings. Then we all received gifts from the school. I received a silver ring which I don't like and know I will never wear it. Others got beautiful bracelets, or earrings. Ad was the belle of the evening. She received a beautiful watch from her santa and dildo and special penis pasta from Stf while As got a car from Stf well, a school car with the school monogram for school use, i.e. While she was shrieking with delight at receiving the dildo, Stf's father a very old man started singing a song "Vibration, vibration...." and told us proudly that this song was taught to him by his father when he was very young.
They all were drinking and some of them got tipsy and said things they otherwise would not have said.
2-3 people visibly appeared to be disliking either the party, or the venue, I am not sure.
Whatever, I enjoyed myself thoroughly. It was a new experience for me and one which is highly unlikely to repeat itself now. School Parties in India are completely different from this one.

We're going back...!

Well, since a few days there are serious talks going on about S's project ending in last week of December which means we will have to go back to India.
This news could not have come at a more inopportune time. How ironic ! When we wanted to go back to India for Mummy  Papa's sake we couldn't leave this project and now when Mummy papa both are gone and I and H both have arrived at a surprisingly comfortable arrangement it is time for us to say good bye to Germany...!
I had had a very good time here and however short a time I may have spent in school, I am happy to say it was highly enriching and a delightful experience. I love Germany. I love Munich. I love this school. Even if all the bad things put together that I might be undergoing here cannot make me unlove it. I will be sorry to say good bye so soon but I guess there is no other way except to accept life as it comes and take gracefully whatever it offers.

S has directed me to start focusing on packing our bags now and buying only necessary grocery articles to avoid wastage of money and commodity....For all I know our New Year will be celebrated in India....!

We still cannot decide when to break this news in the school. Considering the current state of affairs in school and As's horrid behavior I feel tempted not to tell her anything and leave silently. Won't it be nice to see her face when she learns that I have left the school without notice and all the parents clamoring to know why I left the school...?

A real Secret Santa

When we were discussing the Secret Santa game, a wild idea hit me suddenly. As per the rules of the game, the names of all the members are written in a chit and everyone picks one chit. Whoever's name is on the chit, we have to buy gifts for that person for 4 weeks without letting that person guess who is giving him the gift.
Well, I thought that I would buy gifts for all and keep them secretly on the staff table and keep them guessing who this Santa is.
The first week I bought chocolates for all, wrapped it nicely, wrote the names of all the members and left it on the table. Everyone was so baffled about them. I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
The next week I gifted pens and writing pads. People concluded that somebody must have misunderstood the rule and therefore out of sheer misunderstanding was giving gifts to all of us instead of just one person.
Mz commented 'Look, it is very unfortunate that someone of us is giving gifts to all of us. I have been taught from my family that if anyone gives me something I must try to return his gift in another way. I feel so bad that I don't even know who is giving me gifts. He must be spending such a lot of money..'
Everybody suspected As, the manager but she swore again and again that she is not this person. So everyone is still guessing.

This week on the 10th of December we have the staff party in a restaurant where the final gifts will be given out and identity revealed. I have decided that I will go before hand to the restaurant, meet the manager, hand him my bag of final gifts and request him to present that bag to our table when we are about to finish our dinner. This will throw an ever bigger surprise to people and all the enjoyment to me.
How I would love to see their faces....!

Secret Santa in School

Secret Santa is about as sexy as it sounds...!
It is a western tradition in which everyone buys gifts secretly and gives it anonymously and then the name of the gift giver is revealed on the last day.
In the last school meeting, we too decided about this. The names were written down and everyone picked up their chit. It has been decided that the gift need not be over 5 Euros and can be wrapped in news paper to avoid identity detection. Ad, a Spanish teacher who always openly displays her preference for males said she wanted her gifts to be wrapped in Men's Health pages while I protested that gifts wrapped in newspaper is nothing short of gift murder so finally every body agreed to wrap gifts in wrapping paper.

So this is the third week of Secret Santa. I give gifts to Mym and I guess that Mzi is giving me gifts. I take great care in choosing my gifts and prefer them to be beautiful and useful so as to earn appreciation from the receiver but its a pity the others rarely think so far. I have really chosen beautiful gifts for Mym but the ones I have received are trash. The first one I received was an ugly looking and abominably fat coffee mug and I even know it costs only 1 Euro because she forgot to scratch the price tag.

Our Secret Santa game will end on 10th of this month in a restaurant where we have a staff party. It has been planned that the last gifts will be given on that day and identity disclosed.
Sounds like great fun.....!