Secret Santa Again..!

gifts to everyone
marcos and jurgen, jurgen and marcos

We had Secret Santa in school again. I was Gbt's Secret Santa. Despite the rule to stay within twenty Euros over all or five Euros each gift, I always end up spending eight or nine Euros per gift. I hate giving gifts which are apparently cheap, unaesthetic, would be useless for the receiver or which would simply not appeal visually and emotionally to the receiver. I also spend a great amount of money, time and energy in wrapping the gifts beautifully too.

On the exact contrary, all the gifts that I receive whether they are birthday or festival or Santa gifts, they are thoughtlessly selected, repulsively packed and provide me no use or slightest appreciation. Now I quite get disturbed at the prospect of receiving gift because I know the choice and manner of the gift wouldn't please me even though I make a great effort to convince the giver how much I admired it and needed it and was so happy to get just that. I can tell you I have a bad history of such presents. Back home, in India, where giving gifts is quite a culture I have told everyone, 'Please, Please, Please, don't gift me clothes or clothes' material: I only wear clothes of my personal choice." I received several clothes but I shuddered to even imagine them on my body. Here, gifting is not so popular, at least not with the people I move with. Last year, Mz was my secret Santa and she gave me a 1 Euro coffee mug,( which was as hideous as an earthen plant pot. You could actually think you were drinking that delicious coffee from a pot meant for growing outdoor plants!), a salt and pepper pot and earrings which I never wear. The school's Christmas gift was a Russian ring which I threw away as soon as I came back home. (Russian rings may be a world of good - they are just not my taste.)
Then, last year, Ll's mother while leaving the school, gifted me a costly enough Swarovski earrings. I liked them and appreciated them but they are golden in color ( I don't like golden jewelry) and so interminably long I rarely wear them. Fr's mother gifted me a beautifully packed something which looked falsely promising; it was only a cheap bottle of bath oil something which I don't use. But I still appreciate the gift wrap though.
This year, I kept guessing who was my Secret Santa without success. I received just a packet of chocolates, a packet of silly micro candles, a collection of winter tea bags, winter jam, and chocolate, and in the last gift, I received a pair of small earrings, a book which I will never read, and super tiny decoration piece- a porcelain icicle.
My own gift to Gbt were a table daily calender with one beautiful nature scene and an inspirational thought for every day of the year, a small classy pocket calendar, and costly chocolate together as first gift, an alarm clock, beautiful artificial decorative flowers with a beautiful classy vase and the last gift was a small pair of swarovski stud earrings and a matching stone necklace packed in the most adorable box with gold ribbons. In fact I had spent more than eight Euros on packing stuff alone. I also presented a good company made woolen scarf to Mks as I was friendly to him, a bottle of perfume to Cl on the last working day of the school, a beautiful studded flower shaped ring and a pair of coke colored gold rimmed dangler earrings to Cl which looked lovely in the gift box and 100 times lovelier when she wore them, as Christmas gift this year and a pack of peacock colored, some glittered, some worked Indian bangles which she loves to wear every now and then and which everyone remarks are extremely good looking, as last year's Christmas gift, a huge 2x 1.5 golden photo frame with one small decorative picture frame for her birthday last year and dinner invitation for two to an Indian restaurant this time on her birthday.  I also presented her a huge book of cooking recipes from around the world and another book about Indian recipes which she wanted very much.

Why am I writing all this. I didn't gift so many gifts to want something in return. It was - it is just my way of expressing my nice feelings to people I like by presenting them gifts they would like.

Well, so back to Secret Santa in school, today was the day of final secret Santa in which we had to personally present the gift in order to reveal our identity. Gbt was mine and she loved all my gifts so much. My was mine; this is funny because last year I was her's. Another funny coincidence was Jrn and Mk were each other's secret Santa!

Fight between MY and Mks

Mks and My had a really huge fight last Friday.

Pkt had pooped in his diaper and then he nonchalantly opened his diaper which spread the poo all over the class. Mks started taking him to the toilet when My came in and started raining on him as to why doesn't he take all the children together to the toilet. Some argument ensued which got heated to the point that both started yelling at each other - well, almost yelling. Mks was mad with rage. "Nobody talks to me like that- neither my girlfriend, nor my sister nor my mother. Can you stop being rude please?"
"I don't want to talk to you." My retorted.
"Hey we started a conversation. Let us finish it. Let us talk. We can't fight in misunderstanding like this." He calmed down and decided he needed to talk in order to clear himself but My obstinately refused to talk any further. He insisted again but this time she lifted up her fisted hand and put it down forcefully screaming a really really loud "No".
"Hey, what's that fist for? Are you turning violent?"
He then rang Stf, told her everything and came away straight to the hospital in an emergency to take care of his Asthama attack due to extreme anxiety and tension.

I was so afraid he had left and that I would never see him again and finally when I saw him again almost hail and hearty as ever before I was so happy.
When my children were sleeping he came in and we talked for a long time in hushed whispers as the sleeping room is just next to the office and almost every word can be heard if you speak in normal volume.

Poor Mks is just the latest victim of the old gimmicks of My and Mz. We all know, he has done nothing wrong; he has just ruffled My's feathers so now My, like always, is preparing the stage for Mks' termination.

"If there is any truth in the saying that God punishes those who do evil to others than really God knows what punishment should these two females get; they have devoured so many people's job for absolutely no reason. If they don't like someone for sheer personal reasons, they just decide he or she needs to go and then that's final. That person has to go. Stf just fires that person and finds a seemingly good excuse to furnish to the parents. Chapter closed for ever." I mused sadly.
"I can tell the Parents Committee that Stf lied to the parents that Bh was fired because of taking too many leaves. She was fired because My just disliked her maybe because she wore expensive clothes and was far better looking than My. Actually My basically got angry with me too because I supported Bh. "
"Nothing will happen. Parents Committee has no power to question these issues with the school."
"They won't get English teacher so easily."
"They never do. When Ad was fired it took them two months to find you. When Jn left, one month passed by before they could get another. And its funny the way they employ English teachers- I mean some of them can't even speak English properly or with correct accent. But they rarely bother about this."
"Well, this much is certain that I can't stay here any longer. The waters have become too hot. I have already applied in other schools. I might not get a good salary but whatever it will be better off than staying here with these filthy females. I think My and Mz both are very miserable creatures. They are very unhappy with their life and that's why they can't see anybody happy in school either. They keep weeping that they had to work for so long implying that we should pity them. Why should we pity them? They are not working hard in free. They are getting paid for their extra work."
"I hope everything becomes okay between you and My and that you get to stay."
"I know, this job is so important to me. Losing it is the last thing I want but not at this cost, really. It is too much. I believe in God. He will do something.I could still go on with just two backpacks and twenty Euros in my pocket. Don't worry for me. I am fine and happy enough because I know that I am right and God is with me. He will definitely do something."

I was overwhelmed with emotions at this sort of talk and felt so bad for him. The situation is really bad and he can't stay much longer.

Christmas Party in Kindergarten

So today was Christmas party in the kindergarten. I was feeling a bit grumpy because Christmas is still more than one and a half week away and none of us seemed to be in the party mood least of all a Christmas party.

At three o'clock all the parents assembled in the hall. Benches had been placed for their seating. First our and Mks' group children were brought in. They stood in one straight line and presented the English song "We wish you a merry Christmas..." Then Mk's and Mz's group together presented the German song, "In der Weinacht Backerei..." H stood in the front row and sang along with the children with pretty actions.

After the song presentation, there were arrangements for selling freshly baked waffles on two waffle machines set up in the hall by some of the parents including Mtn. In another corner, Mz and Jrn had set up a lottery or Tambola type of stall where you are told to pay two Euros and pick up a chit of paper from a bowl of chits; if you are lucky your chit will contain a certain number which means you can chose your gift among the displayed articles, if you are not lucky, your chit will show the word 'Sorry' and you don't get any gift.
Mz was handling the box of money and Jrn, the bowl of chits. The gifts included school's own products like school's monogrammed socks, set of plate, cup and bowl, school's cap, set of tattoos, school's monogrammed plush toys in small and medium sizes and tiny gummy bear.

I had nothing else to do and I feel oddly uncomfortable when I have nothing on my hands. Give me work to do. I feel happier. I knew nothing about waffle baking and in any case it was being handled by the parents. And every other teacher was either eating or chatting together.
I went to the Tambola stall and asked if I could also help her with it. She agreed. Within next ten minutes however, she left the stall relinquishing her post to me, much to her and my desire. It was fun doing that and I had never done this sort of work before. I liked doing it my way which surprisingly started bringing in a crowd straight to the stall. Mz had directed me that if a person lost the tambola three times in a row I should take pity on him and give him one gummy bear. Well, I started freely distributing gummy bear irrespective of who won and who lost. The children just loved the gummy bear (they always do) and would many times just coax their parents to buy the Tambola chit just for the sake of getting Gummy bear. Once Nya won the chit but the gift she wanted to take was a pathetic set of tattoos. Her father tried persuading her to chose something else as gift but she wanted only the tattoo. I gave her the gift which her father wanted as well as the tattoos. Both were sublimely happy and kept returning to the stall. Another one, Ant wanted to take away just the gummy bear as gift, I gave her the gift her mother wanted as well as gummy bears. The children were happy and didn't mind losing in the least as they were getting gummy bears nevertheless.

I was thoroughly enjoying myself spreading smiles and happiness this way. Jrn was happy too.
"Do you know, Mz had been so strict about the rules of the game which was, well, right in a way but no body was coming to our stall. You have relaxed the rules and look how everybody is pouring in. We are doing hot business!"
Upon my part, neither the gifts nor the money collected was mine but the children's happiness was and that was all that counted. Mz tried to save the gummy bear and was losing the business, I scattered the gummy bear in free and was succeeding without effort! What simple fun and sheer happiness! I was doing nothing and getting so much..

I felt sorry when the party started to end after four hours.
I heard through Mz that she had a sort of fight with Mtn! The waffles which she made were rejected by Mtn as improper and not nice enough to be served. Mtn himself made waffles and invited other parents to help him bake.
"I want to murder him. I am mad with anger. How dared he say my waffles were not nice! I want to kill him today."

Just when it was time for us to leave the school, it started raining heavily, really really heavily. I noticed the stress and some peculiar thoughtfulness on Mtn' face and felt bad for him. The next day I glimpsed a big goody basket, nicely wrapped, as gift to Mz and another similar one for Stf in the office. We had made more than 500 Euros by selling the tambola. This money, we have been told, will be donated to a South African child welfare agency. I have yet to know who the gift is from; from Mtn or that Agency. I did read the sender's card which read from Mtn to Mz for her cooperation.....!

Thefts in kindergarten!

Today Asi told us that a few days ago 20 Euros were stolen from her bag which was kept in the staff room where all the teachers keep their bags, purses coats etc unattended. Since she was new she didn't like creating an uproar about her stolen money. Then yesterday again 50 Euros were stolen from her bag. We told this to the others and discovered that Mz's money was also stolen from her bag a few days ago.

It sounded serious that there is somebody who is stealing money like a thief and we have no clue as to who he is.

This matter was then reported to Stf. She called all the teachers to her office one by one personally and asked them if we suspected someone. My idea is, this is being done by someone who is new who doesn't yet know that thefts never occurred in school before or someone who is planning to leave so he or she knows that before long he or she will be out of the radius of suspicion. There are at least 5 people who are new to our staff... and 1 person is clearly either planning to leave or might get terminated very soon....

Stf asked me too if ever my money was stolen and if I suspected someone.
I laughed and told her that ever since I had come to Germany I had lost my bag with money and a costly  mobile in it twice and both times on the train stations but luckily I retrieved them within two hours with not a single cent missing. I had begun to believe that thefts didn't happen in Germany until I discovered they were happening in my own kindergarten.

Stf has assured us that she is going to do something about this and we needn't feel worried.

Nikolaus Day

Today we celebrated the Nikolaus day in the kindergarten.

This Nikolaus is something similar yet totally different from the Santa Clause. Nikolaus was a bishop in Turkey who loved helping poor and needy people. So now 6th of December is the day on which we celebrate his day. A man comes dressed up in red bishop robes different to the red furry robes of the other Santa, and white hair and flowing beard and moustaches and he asks the children if he has been good or bad; if bad the child gets coal (Yikes! I believe no one would do that, seriously!)and if good then he gets goodies and chocolates. And of course we sing Nikolaus songs in German and English. On the other hand the Santa clause which the whole world knows of is just an extension of this real Nikolaus but is represented in a different, easier, carefree, fun and frolicky manner who dresses up in red and white furr robes, flaunts a white flowing beard and hair, is a jolly overweight man who delights in distributing sweets and gifts to everyone.
And, Germans are very very particular to point out the differences between Nikolaus and Santa Clause telling you with all their strength and vigor that Nikolaus is not Santa! Some even have problems accepting the English songs for Nikolaus as we have only for Santa and Santa is not Nikolaus!


All the groups together with their teachers assembled in the hall. A big burly Nikolaus walked in swaying with old age and a kind eye twinkling from under his white bushy eyebrows, wearing a bright red splendid bishop gown with some gold work in front and a big brown sack slung across his heavy shoulders; he even had a bell tinkling in his right hand. He looked fabulous! I swear, the best Santa that I have till date seen! The children just went mad with wonder! Most of them had actually believed he was real Nikolaus come to reward them with goodies because they had been good and learnt the song so well!

We presented our songs to him. Since nearly three weeks all the groups had been practicing the German and English songs for the occasion; 'Lustig, lustig...' and 'Nikolaus, Nikolaus..' as German songs and 'dashing through the snow...' as the English one. But we only presented the German songs and omitted the English one because 'Nikolaus is not Santa!' I was so angry for a while even though I knew that they were right, well according to their point of view, I mean.

Then Nikolaus started calling each child one by one, striking some simple conversation with him and handing him the bag of goodies which the teachers had prepared already. I learnt that this man was no other than Chr, a friend of Stf who has his own computer company and he helps Stf in almost all computer and law related issues within the school. He is a bulky fellow with a fully round bulging tummy and a considerable height, hence he looked awesome in his part as Nikolaus, but more than that he put in so much of effort to act as a real Nikolaus by effecting not only an old aged man's slouched gait but also the voice and laughter of an old man as well which must have been really difficult. I was totally carried away just to hear him speak like an old man in a wobbly voice.

I can never never forget this Santa, ever! He is the best Santa I have ever seen or will ever see in future.
Well, but he was not Santa; he was Nikolaus!

Asy the Model Teacher

I had been spotting a new face in the teachers' group since a few days and eventually learnt she is Asy and a model! We all wondered what is she doing in a pecuniary kindergarten if she is a model. As completely befitting to her profession she is stunningly beautiful and sexy as an actress with black hair, large black eyes and thick black eye shadow. Initially she was working with Stf and Ndn in the baby group.

She accidentally came to our group one day when I was alone with the children and I liked her work very much. She came to us next day too and she too like to work with us as both Cl and I are very courteous, gentle, friendly, warm and welcoming. Maybe, in comparison, she found us easier to work with and of course the difference between infants and two year olds. She went straight to Stf and requested her to let her remain in our group as she like the group very much. Stf agreed and since then she comes to our group everyday.
She is quick, efficient, loving and gentle to the children. However she is only a helper so she is not concerned with teaching anything. She helps us with the kids.

Ever since she has come, our overload has eased remarkably. So earlier while we struggled to dress or change the children and took exasperatingly 40 minutes for every little work, now we are three people and get finished within 20 minutes or so.

I talked to her and learnt she is from Morocco but born and brought up in Germany. She isn't very much educated as she was poor. She came into modelling business as she has to support her family. She needs money badly. That's why she decided to join this school but it so turns out, she is not being paid nicely here too - only 400/- Euros which sounded really pathetic to me. She is acquainted with Stf through her boy friend's side.

I Am so Happy

I was very moved by Stf and Ndn's sadness yesterday and had a secret fear in my heart that Mks might have been fired. I did see him talking to Stf the boss, alone in the orange room.

When I reached the station, I bought a few really beautiful looking chocolates. I quickly wrote on three large packets a message for Ndn and Stf that I wanted to see them smile and to let them know that I loved them and gave the bag of chocolates to them.

Five minutes later, Stf came into my room and she hugged and kissed me emotionally with tears in her eyes.
"You are so nice. I can't tell you how emotional I am feeling at your gesture. I hate the management but for nice people like you I love coming to this school." I myself became emotional this time. I was glad she was happy. She thanked me so many many times. Then later Ndn too came and hugged me.

I was so happy. I was indescribably happy. My heart was almost singing in joy. I had been able to make two people smile and that is a treasure for me. More treasure was in store...!

Mks came and took me to the staff room laptop to search for the correct lyrics of "We wish you a merry Christmas.." While he searched he started telling me that Stf is so impressed with me and Cl!
"What?" I cried in total disbelief.
"Yes. That's what she said. She said"Look at * and Cl. They never have any problem. They work so hard. They are happy with the school. Why can't you be like them?"
"Did she really say this?"
"Yes! We had a long talk. I told her everything. How Mz and My do nothing and behave so badly with all the other teachers, about that fucking Mgt who needs to be fired immediately, about my recent troubles with My and Mz because of their being rude and unfair to me; I told her everything. She listened to me patiently and said she would try to help me out. I am feeling so much better now after so many days, almost two weeks."
"Do you know, I have brought something for you. A chocolate!"
"Why?"
"I just wanted you to be happy. It is a great news indeed that you are already feeling nicer."

I gave him the chocolate and he remarked
"Hey, you are really good. You are so nice. You make me happy everyday. I enjoy coming to work because of you. You are really nice."

And then when it was Asy's turn to go on her break, I gave her a chocolate too. She was also surprised.
"But why?"
"No reason. Just because you are very nice."
She too hugged me fondly.

Today I have been immeasurably happy! The simple happiness I saw on the faces of these people was really like a fortune. I only hope it was not because of the chocolate or worse still they do not misconstruct. I had no other means to express my care and appreciation for them and hence I had given the chocolate.

Secret Santa game has started again. I got a gift of chocolates and decorative candles as well as a small chocolate for H too! I am guessing it is someone who is nice and nearer to me and possibly a man because the gift was wrapped in a newspaper and the person had taken great pains in cutting out the letters of my name out from the newspaper and had stuck it on the box with a cello tape. I wonder who is my Santa...!
As to me, I am Gbt's. She was a trainee last year and has now joined Mks' group. She is very young only about 20 or 21 years so I got her a beautiful calendar with some nice encouraging words/quotes and beautiful pictures for all months and a big packet of expensive chocolates. I wrapped them up with a beautiful pick colored gift paper and pink and white polka dotted satin ribbon. The packet looked irresistably beautiful.

Stf is Angry

We had an interesting meeting today.

We were all ready for the meeting to start, just waiting for Stf, Mz and My to come in; they came suddenly. Stf handed us a 40 page document and instructed us to read it carefully till they came back after having a drink at the nearby restaurant. What the F****! You mean, we are your slaves or what? To read 40 page document carefully till you enjoy your drink! Luckily it was in German so I happily excused myself and enjoyed tasting a new bread while the others grudgingly started reading it. 

We all looked at the clock quickly ticking away while we just waited for them like abject fools. The trio returned after nearly 45 minutes and then there was fire and brimestone every where.

Stf was angry! Angry over the teachers's demands for money or pay rise. She was so haughty and arrogant. She told us that we could all resign if we wanted to. She could herself  fire everyone of us all in one go- she had hundreds of applicants to replace us. She doesn't owe us any money. She gave us a fine Christmas party last year and expensive gifts ( that trash silver ring which I threw away!) as well as a grand Octoberfest Party. Did we even know how costly was all that arrangement? How could we even think of asking for more money? We are not working here for free. We get enough salary; the other schools pay way lesser than her. If we are not satisfied, we are free to leave.

Mk was the only one to protest and in a face that expressed a deep anger and disgust.

"But we are not asking you any money. We are only reminding you what you had promised us. In last April, you together with that Tk had promised us that we would have to admit more children in our groups than the legal number and for every extra child you would pay us a hundred Euro once a year. We are only reminding you of your promise."

"Aah, that was said by Tk, not me. Upon my part, I owe you all NOTHING!"

The next blow she dealt us was to announce that she is planning to get her teachers Montessori method trained and so all the German teachers ( Ndn, Stf, Cl, My, Mk and Mz) will have to undergo this training for 6 months every weekend and would have to pay around 50/-. 

All the teachers gasped in horror! No weekend for 6 months! That sounded really like POW torture! While I wondered why no English teacher was included. But of course, the school and the system is prejudiced towards German. They only promote German, not English despite banking on their bilingual concept which brings them hoards and hoards of children. 

I broke in.

"Are you planning to get your teachers Montessori Method trained?"

"Ja."

"But where would we keep the apparatus?"

"The apparatus? What is that?"

"Well, Montessori method teaching is done only with the help of Montessori apparatus which is made of specific color and dimensions. And everything is taught only with the help of concerned apparatus. It is not a chair or a table which you could fit into any corner." Mko joined me too and corroborated my statement.

"Really?" She cried in surprise. "Well, I didn't know about all this at all. I think I need to talk to you in order to discover more." She smiled affably and quickly flitted on to the next topic of discussion not giving even a moment's time to anybody to react or to express their views. 

She left after an hour - and this was just a quarter of the meeting!

Mz began her list of points, all haughtily flung at us like chain saws. We discussed Christmas. This year, the groups will present Christmas carols to the parents. My group will be merged together with Mko's group to present "We wish you a merry Christmas..." I want to do a story enaction, Christmas dress up party in which all the girls can be dressed up as Mary and boys as Joseph with my group but I keep my mouth shut. It won't do to commit suicide! I just listened in bored silence how they were all arguing which song to do and rejecting every song as too difficult! I have a reason to believe I am any time their superior - I could do a whole play with lengthy dialogues and a lot of acting! 

Most of us wanted one German and one English song. After a lot of discussion, My concluded that two songs per group were too much-  we needed to choose just one song and chose one German song. This enraged Mks and he broke out loudly.

"Hey, This is too much. I can't tolerate it. This is disgusting. We are in a bilingual school. Both languages are important. Cristmas is such a prominent festival; we need to teach the children at least one English song. As it is, the majority of students in the whole school as well as in my class are the English speaking ones. They don't understand German. But I am not allowed to have my way. You do whatever you want; I don't want to say or do anything. It is so frustrating. Damnit."

My and Mz both just curled their lips in obvious leer and none of the other teachers including myself let escape any verbal or facial reaction; it would be as bad as telling you are Charles in front of Cromwell! Nobody wants to die a traitor...

Mtn also came in briefly to tell us how to send the weekly emails to the parents as some groups were still having problems. He was still in Stf's office working on the school computer when I went into the office to request Stf for a Christmas tree for my class too.

Stf promptly talked to her supervisor who replied I would have it possibly by tomorrow. I beamed at her graciously and then surprisingly she gave me a hug. 

We got over from the meeting very late. As we were going out I glimpsed Mks having a one to one meeting with Stf. Oh, God, I hope, he is not being fired, I thought uncomfortably.

I walked to the station in Stf, Ndn and Mk's company. Cl as usual, would either go alone or in somebody else' company rather than mine! We were but naturally discussing how bad we were feeling because of Stf. Surprisingly, I wasn't feeling bad at all. I had never believed in Stf and knew from the first moment that she would never pay us, never listen to us and do exactly what she wanted whether we agree with her or not.

Jn's bear and the problem

I should have mentioned Jn and his bear long back.

Jn is the new German boy who when admitted to this school in September, had looked to us like Mk.
He is a cute, sturdy little blond boy who loves doing everything.
He had a little stuffed teddy bear which he loved to carry around with him wrapped in his mother's grape green top. We always found it funny how he used to carry it constantly with him wherever he went and when he wanted to play on swings or eat or do something else, he would put it aside face covered, saying the bear was sleeping now.

It was all cute until the bear started dominating his life altogether.
He began displaying a tendency to be inseparable with the bear and all situations which demanded his hands to be free of the toy, he would break into cry and would keep on crying until he had retrieved his bear. In the playground he would drop the bear accidentally and then cry badly until he had found it. The same while carrying it to toilets. We reasoned with him that he needed to keep the bear in class while going to the toilet or the playground but it was impossible.
Soon it was just the bear with him and nothing else. He started refusing doing any art and craft activity, would keep clutching it even while sitting on the toilet seat, refused going to play or on the swings or in sand and refused eating too. Telling him to do a certain thing always invited loud weepings and howlings and he would hide his face in the bear abd cry and cry till we told him he needn't do, or take away his bear and tell him he will get it back when he had stopped crying.
Some days went by and instead of any improvement or change in his behavior he just kept getting worse and worse. He would do nothing in class, no enjoyment, no activity, no play or reading just crying, crying and crying. I discussed it with Cl and and told her we needed to call his parents and talk but she didn't appear to be alarmed. His parents always come late so I myself was not able to talk to them.

On the St. Martin's celebration evening, I saw his mother and discussed the whole thing. She was concerned. I advised her to keep him without the toy in school but let us have it in secret just in case he becomes too difficult. She did so and that day for the first time Jn started stammering in class. He had never done so before so we knew he was perfectly capable of speaking normally. That day I got to talk to his mother again and she told me she was really worried if he has speech problems as often times he stammers at home too.
Now the parents knew that there was a problem with their son.

They decided that that was the end of the bear in the school. Jn was very disconsolate and would cry a lot. Sometimes we ignored his cries and make him sit separately or distract his mind and we started noticing improvements in his behavior.

Last week I was absent and Cl too and his father who drops him to school everyday realized that we are better able to handle Jn rather than other teachers; naturally he wanted us to be there to receive Jn every morning. He complained to Cl that he often doesn't see his teachers in the morning which is bad for the children as they are better handled by them.

We both were so incensed with this remark. Of all the teachers in the school Cl is the only one who never takes leave and in one and a half year she has only taken about 3-4 days leaves altogether. I do take 1-2 day leave almost every two month or so but that doesn't mean that the children are alone because there are always two teachers in the group to handle them. ( Forget those two days when I managed alone. That had happened for the first and also the last time)
It is funny that every other group has sometimes been without their English teacher for nearly 2 months but nobody has complained there while I and Cl have always been in the school ever since we joined and we are being told that we are not! It had happened the first time that both Cl and I both were absent together on account of illness which is unavoidable. Maybe, he noticed that often times I am not in the school, only Cl and the other teachers, at the time of dropping Jn but than my timing are different: 9 am-2 pm. I am told not to enter the class before 9 am....
I will talk to him. I announced.

The next morning I specially went early to be able to meet his father. When I saw him and told him politely that he needn't feel concerned and explained everything; my different timings, our illness together and the fact that we never take leave and always there in the school. He admitted that he wasn't complaining and it was only a remark as Jn behaved horribly and screamed and screamed the three days when I and Cl both had been absent.

The day we had Ll's birthday, he was crying badly again and screamed till his entire face and even the ears turned livid red. He wanted to sit alone by himself and didn't want to attend the party. I was alone with Asy and Asy doesn't have much experience with the kids. I forcibly brought him to the birthday table. Within 5-10 minutes he forgot his sulk and started enjoying just like the other children. He happy smiling face was clearly visible in the photographs which I had shot and mailed.
His parents were curious to see him happy and they asked me how he was now and gave the full report how he has started behaving normally now. He just cries in the morning out of stubbornness but when distracted he becomes happy in two seconds and then remains happy the whole day.
 His father was very happy and relieved to hear this.
"Why does he cry so much?" He asked.
"Just to frighten us into doing what he wants."
"But he doesn't cry so much at home. Whatever he wants we are always there to meet it."
"That's exactly why he has got into this habit. He probably thinks whatever he wants he should get it. When he doesn't, he cries. It is important for him know that he can't do whatever he wants."

Mk is also against Mz and My

Mks was absent. I kept worrying about him the whole time.

Mk told me both Mz and My both have become so haughty, conceited and vain. "They don't talk politely any more, nor understand our problems or point of views. Mks is not the only one to complain about their arrogance and domination; Ad, Jn, Sbr, Bh, Al they all had the same problem. They all got fired because of these two scheming women."
"Don't forget me; I have also been their victim once." I mused.
He laughed. "Yes, you too. And now I am also getting into their bad books. They both have started disliking me too along with Ndn and Stf. They are making so many enemies."
"No matter how many enemies they make, they never get into any trouble; the person gets fired!"

We smiled wryly. The tragedies of working under scheming, below average intelligent women...!

I learnt Ndn and Stf were upset yesterday because they were scolded rudely by Mz and Ndn for buying wet wipes for the school which had finished and were badly needed. Mz and My said they were not allowed to buy as they themselves would buy it later. Can you imagine even a day without wet wipes in a baby nursery?
And yes, Cl got a scolding too from Mz and My and she too was upset - that's what Mk told me. Cl didn't tell me anything at all.

Ll's Birthday without Cl

Today Mz and My had a managerial workshop to attend so they were unavailable. It was decided in the meeting yesterday that Mks ( since he can't be left alone with the children!) would be coupled with either me or Cl to manage his group and whoever would remain in our group would get Asy the model/ practitioner for help.
Frankly speaking I wanted to go to Mks but I also wanted to remain in my group today as we had Ll's birthday party and she is an English speaking girl; she only understands English and is also very fond of me. Luckily it was Cl herself who preferred to go to Mks's group.
I was filled with a secret joy! This meant I would take pictures of the party and email them to the parents - something which Cl almost jealously guarded as HER work and would never let me do it if she could help it.

"I am so sorry, you will have to conduct the birthday party for Ll alone. Can you take pictures of the party?"
"Of course. I have brought my camera. I didn't know who was to stay here so I thought just in case I have to stay I should take my camera for the party pictures.'
Her face puckered; her expressions became distorted so visibly that for a moment my heart missed a beat. Perhaps I should not have said this. She was disconcerted that I was going to do what she had reserved for herself. She stammered in a weak tone not knowing what to say to prevent me now.
"You..you need not use your camera. Mine is already there.
"Ya, thanks but I don't know how to operate your camera. You see, that's why I brought mine."
"Maybe, you can call ME to take the pictures when everything is ready. I am sure I can come in quickly, take the pictures in 2 minutes and go back again."
I assured her that if I needed her help I would definitely call her which I didn't mean at all. She went away no doubt regretting decision to go to Mks' group which made this opportunity land in my lap like a basket ball in the net.

I conducted the party in full style.
 Asy was there to help me.The party was nice as usual. Dear Ll worked so hard to blow her birthday candles but couldn't except exploding a mouthful of saliva every time. I took plenty of pictures; I knew I might never again get the same opportunity so I made the most of it. After the party was over we did some coloring and then reading. I shot all meaning to email all of them before evening  is gone.
Cl did come in on two different occasions and seeing camera in my hands wasn't very happy about it but come on- I am not committing a crime or ditching you or deceiving you. I am only doing something which was originally my idea to begin with and when she started doing it, I chose to let her do it.

Anyways we are team mates and lead the same group. We decide together what we want to do. It was her decision to go to Mks group today and let me take the pictures. She shouldn't be complaining now.

I have just emailed all the pictures and feeling quite self satisfied...!

A Bad Day

Today as I entered the school I learnt that Cl and My both were away on a work shop and would be back only after two hours or so. Mz proposed me to go merge my group with Mks'
"But don't you think 36 children in one room and only two teachers would create a havoc? I have no problem in going but today I have some children in my group who would suffer badly if they were not given personal attention."
"So you want to be alone with your group? The problem is I can't let both you and Mks to be alone with the children because none of you are an official teacher. You know what I mean. But the real problem is there aren't enough teachers in school."
"I will go to Mks' group. No problem." I smiled assuredly. "Let all my children come then I will join Mks' group in about 10 minutes."

In next two minutes the whole story changed.
Athn who is the new German girl arrived. She had joined our group 3 weeks ago and comes for only 3 days a week. The first three days of her first week she was absolutely fine; the next week she fell ill and didn't come at all and then the next week when she did come both I and Cl were ill so she had such a hard time with strange faces and strange teachers and cried so much that her mother had to be called to take her back home.

So she came in crying. While I was talking to her already anxious mother and reassuring her that she would be fine and in case if she weren't we would call her, Jr came in. Jr is the little German boy who prefers only Cl and when he doesn't see her even for 1 minute breaks out crying apart from always making his entry in loud cries everyday, Cl or no Cl. The next instant Jn arrived who cries for his toy the whole day and he cries so very very loudly.
So I had three howling children and an untidy room. I thought I would settle the children and then quickly go to Mks' room. Ll wasn't leaving me, Hn was trying to hit or push the children whenever he could. I couldn't leave Athn even for half a minute as she really was very frightened. I couldn't even hear my own voice as the howling was almost deafening. I started singing songs with them but nobody could hear me and soon Mr and Fd and On etc started playing amongst themselves disrupting the discipline. Only five minutes must have gone and then Fc clutched his pants tightly and started crying. He had peed in his pants!!!
I took my group out planning to leave my children in his room while I would change Fc but I found Mks was having his morning circle with the children along with Mz and Bh ( She had come to collect her things and say goodbye!) I didn't like dropping myself on them like an atom bomb so I lead my group to the toilet alone
sang with them while I changed their diapers. Luckily Ath became quiet but Jn was still howling non stop behaving worse than newly admitted children or even babies in distress.

Mz came in to inform me that the workshop which Cl and My had gone to attend has been cancelled so they both are coming back in half an hour. She saw how I was and quickly sent Jln to help me out. Jln is the new English teacher in H's group. She stayed with me till Asy the model cum teacher replaced her. Soon Cl was back and the day became normal again...!

Athn didn't cry even once after the morning outbreak. She was happy and enjoyed everything we did. While the other children slept she nestled close to me in my arms and kept rubbing her cheeks against mine. She was talking to me all the time in her babble babble babble as she still can't say proper words yet. her mother was very happy and relieved to see her so happy and content! She told me the last time when she had brought her to school when I had been absent Athn had cried very very badly and so she had to come to take her away.
"I think you understand her very nicely. Look, she is reluctant to leave you and smiling at you so lovingly." Her mother remarked.

Ll doesn't sleep everyday. Today she didn't. She just lay in bed and kept calling my name very cutely; she must have uttered my name a hundred times! Once even Fd had done the same thing, I remember. Every morning when Ll comes in , as soon as she sees me, she runs to me and hugs me tightly giving me super cute smiles. Today when her mother came to collect her she refused to go. She said, "Mommy, go away. Bye bye Mommy." and stayed in my arms refusing to go.

Her mother was so happy to see her daughter happy in the school and I was too...

We have got a new caterer

A new caterer has finally been found!
He is to cater his food for one week on trial; if everything is found to be okay he will promptly replace the old junky.

When we opened the food containers an appetizing aroma filled our nostrils the way it hadn't since a long long time. Even without looking at the food we just knew instinctively that the food was going to be not only good but delicious. It was! Some sort of boiled whole wheat with white sauce and vegetables - nothing spicy, oily or  messy and looking fresh, delicious and well cooked. Nearly every child took three helpings!

Cl told me that Stf had been told about the food issue. She talked to the caterer and scolded him harshly saying, "We don't feed this sort of food even to pigs!"

Ominous Tension between Mz and Mk

I was away from the school since Wednesday. All these days I had been fretting about what was happening up there.

When I went to day I was warmly welcomed  by everyone. Cl hugged me and Mks simply said " Nice to have you back. I was missing you." which did sound genuinely nice and pleasant. 

I learnt that Cl had been absent too due to eye infection. So our children were with Stf and Ndn.

The teachers had an important meeting with Stf on Thursday and presented her with the problems they were facing due to flood of children in every group; as per everyone's expectation Stf agreed sympathetically but expressed her inability to alter anything so we all must continue like before. 

I had only half finished my task of waking up my children when I glimpsed Mks in real despair; Ktc had peed on himself in bed and he was all alone with so many kids. "What to do now!" He groaned.

"I wish I could help you but I still have some of my own children to wake up and dress..."

On second thought I had an idea whereby I could still help him. I ran to him and requested him to send all his undressed children to my room where I could dress them and so he would be free to attend to Ktc.

This way we finished the entire lengthy affair within twenty minutes. He was very grateful. Then he told me what hell he is going through these days in school.

"I have noticed you have been looking a bit grumpy and sort of pissed off since nearly two weeks or so. I hope everything is okay with you." I said to him.

"That's right. I am pissed off. And there are so many things about this school. I don't want to work here anymore. When I was joining here I had been promised full time which meant more money of course. Now I am being denied the same. And the reason is not money but that fucking female whom we call Mz. She is such a bitch. Fuck her." He swore so savagely that I broke into a smile. (Swear words always make me smile)

"Bloody idiot!" He carried on. "She doesn't know how to talk to her colleagues and friends or team mates? I haven't taken offence because I am a man but because even if I were not a man, that's not the way she should have spoken to her team mate or colleague." 

" Be careful, Mks, if you ran into her bad books you might end up getting fired for no fault of yours. She is notorious for getting everyone fired whom she dislikes."

" I can't bear to look at her. She is so..so..fuck her!" She doesn't have any manners, any talent, any qualification. She just flaunts her attitude. She spoke to me like I were her paid servant. "

Something has happened between Mz and Mks which I still don't know but it has Mks seething all over. 

He also told me that he has begum having problems with My too as the group has become really large, My doesn't have time from her managerial tasks but she is at the same time the group leader so she neither gets time to do anything with the group nor allows anyone else to do so "Which means I keep sitting there for her orders without having the authority to do anything myself at all. What's worse, her ways are not suited to the age group of her children."

"All this is old news, Mks, " I sighed. " There is seriously so much wrong with this school but if the school owner is not bothered then why the hell should we? My and Mz both are absolutely without any ability or efficiency for the job they are doing which creeps the life out me. I come to this school only for the pleasure I derive from teaching little children. I don't think about school anymore. What do you think I came to help you because you are my team mate? To hell! I help because I like you as a person."

"How sweet! Please let me hug you!" He exclaimed and then he hugged me like a good friend probably due to emotion.

"I am feeling so much better now after having talked to you. I was in such an ugly mood all these days."

The least sign of tension between Mz and any person in this school has never been a good sign. It always leads to only one thing - unfair, unreasonable and immediate termination of that person. So is it Mks' turn this time to feel the heat? He really is a good person and his cheerful, lofty, carefree presence is a remarkable almost valuable thing in the school. If he went away a lot of people besides me will sorely miss him...!

I have informed Mtn

I am sick and on medical leave since three days. Yesterday, I received Cl's message informing that she was also not going to school due to eye infection. I wonder what's happening at school with both the teachers missing from the group and an additional shortage of teachers on the whole....!

Yesterday, I received Mtn's mail as the chairman of the committee which is the highest office within the committee. The mail was a gesture of formal introduction of the parent's association to all the parents of the school besides openly inviting them just like last year to a nearby meeting point to know and discuss affairs of the school. I thought it was a good opportunity to unveil the food problem.

I wrote an anonymous mail through another id to Mtn telling him about the whole food problem. He might have wondered who sent it but that's not important.
He has promptly replied back that he is also aware of this problem since his son who is now in Mz's group daily reports the food not being good and that he didn't eat because the taste was bad. The other parents that he has casually talked about also reported that their children are also not eating well due to something being wrong with the food. He assured me that he is going to take some steps to find a cure.

A lot of people will consider me a traitor since I leaked an inside info to the committee. But I am not a traitor; far from it, I am trying to help the school which is an institution, the school's name and mission, and above all the children and the parents. Being a teacher and a human being I find it unacceptable to cheat little innocent children to feed them unplatable, unhealthy or bad food just because the head of the school has decided she wants to save money by providing a cheap caterer although she continues to charge heftily for the same. Well, in fact I don't care how much she charges for the meals. I am just concerned that the little children must not be fed bad food or kept hungry the whole day. This is totally unacceptable and must not be allowed to continue under any circumstances.

What I apprehend however, is that Stf is the boss and remains the boss whether its heaven or hell. Assuming the committee will pressurize her to know why the kids were being catered badly she has a hundred false remedies to make. She might placate them by saying that the caterer will now improve his service after so many complaints or just switch from the cheapest caterer to the second cheapest one in town which makes absolutely no sense at all.

I am keeping my fingers crossed. I hope he is able to resolve this issue especially since he also has the right authority to address it.
Let's see what happens...!

The New Caterer

Our school engages a caterer to provide hot lunch for the children. It also boasts of organic, nutritious meals prepared by cook especially trained in cooking for children.

Until last month we all loved the food! I found it exciting to discover the wide variety of dishes for children and loved to taste most of the vegetarian ones.
Boiled rice, vegetable rice, baked potato in jackets, bread with vegetable curry with plenty of carrots, zucchini, pumpkin, scallions, potatoes and tomatoes, special carrot, spinach, peas pizza, pasta with tomato sauce, tortellini,  meat 2-3 times a week, soups, fish, spring rolls, sesame/ tofu/ carrot sausages and a whole array of other dishes which I never knew existed. The caterer would bring in prepared food in the morning and we would place them in food heaters and ovens to keep them deliciously hot till the time for lunch.
That was all only until last month...!

Stf suddenly discovered that she could save a little amount of money by replacing this caterer with a cheap one - well, the cheapest one in town.
So now we have a cheap caterer who needs to be put behind bars for catering a damn damn damn bad food. His food not only tastes horrible, but also looks and smells horrible! The children look at the food disconcertingly, try a spoon or two and then push their plates away in rejection. For the whole last month our children haven't eaten lunch properly which is such a shame - crime really, since they pay 90 Euros a month for food, and also because most of them stay the whole day from morning to evening.

Unlike the last caterer, this one brings lunch right at the lunch time. Once he brought pasta which was not buttered so the whole penne pasta got firmly glued into large chunks and we had to cut them off with knives in order to serve. Like Stf he was also saving money by not using butter!
We complained and the next time he brought penne pasta that was swimming in oil! Yes, you read right; swimming in oil! The sight of so much oil made me sick in my stomach and I was ready to throw up. It really looked horrible! We carefully served avoiding oil but still there was so much oil stuck and dripping that children's plate was full of icky oily stuff which became worse when coupled with the oily tomato sauce.
His pizza and one another dish which was vegetables and cheese got rock hard and stuck together; a large part of it couldn't even be cut with a knife, forget about chewing.
Once he brought rice pudding which is rice cooked in sweet milk. It was burnt from sides and bottom. No child ate it. Mk tasted it and said: "What a shame! It is full of badly burnt taste.!"
Yesterday he brought something that looked disgusting. Something off white and liquidy like gel with some odd looking pieces. We discovered it was just plain flour cooked in milk without sugar and the pieces were  huge lumps and chunks of undissolved flour and what's worse, it was under cooked and smelt bad enough to make you want to vomit. It had to be eaten with apple sauce.

 I wonder what sort of a caterer is this who cannot cook. I mean how can you be in cooking business if you cannot cook? And of course the bigger wonder is he is happily employed by none other than one of the largest kindergarten in the town and he is producing unhealthy,  unsavoury torturous food which should be stopped ASAP.

It is so shameful that Stf is increasing the school's income and decreasing the quality on not one, two but on all fronts including food!

She has increased the admission fee 4 times since last year. Earlier parents had to pay about 200 Euros for admission, then it was raised to 300 Euros, then to 400 Euros, then 500 Euros, and now finally it is 650 Euros!
There are more children in this school then most other kindergartens and pre schools in this city can dream of. We are bursting our seams. The classrooms are cluttered full of children. There are not enough chairs and tables to seat them all or beds to sleep on. The toilets get full, the dustbins fill up before half a day is gone. A class or a group is no more like a class or a group anymore, just a wild herd of sheep and goats. The student teacher ratio has long gone out of control. The teachers are only shouting at the children the whole time, changing diapers and serving food. All teaching has got tossed aside. Where is the time to teach? New children keep filtering in like a swarm of bees. They are new so they cry and wet and don't understand a whole lot of things. Their assimilation disturbs the whole teaching process.
and the worst sufferers are the children, the teachers and the parents.

She is doing good business but a bad service...

Bh and Sbr have been fired

Bh has been fired. Sbr too...!

Bh was a hot, tall,slim Turkish origin German teacher/ helper in My's group together with Mks. It was funny that she had degrees and experience in the banking field but was working in a kindergarten. Well, maybe not that funny as we have a new intern in the baby group right now and she is a model..! And yes, don't forget, Mgt is an actress with a TV producer husband...!
She had been absent from the kindergarten since one whole week on account of illness and failed to show up the next week too. Either she had been fired earlier only or they decided to pull the trigger when she remained absent without information for a long time, its hard to tell.

Sbr was a simple German teacher in Mk's group and was very nice. She was unfortunate enough to argue with My and Mz over her working hours and that was her end.

"Do you know, almost all the firing that happens in this school is actually brought about by Mz and My." Mk remarked sadly. I nodded. 'It sounds impossible but is true. Our careers depend on the whims and fancies of just two females in this school and this has been happening since they were not even managers. And now they both are angry with me too because I was taking Sbr's side in the argument."

Today only in the morning Cl was telling me that Bh has been absent the whole last week due to illness and today morning she rang to inform us that she won't be coming this week either as she is still ill and we were expressing concern as well as wonder how she could be allowed such a long leave.

Mk says Mz and My are also going against him. They are especially angry with him as he took sides with Sbr when she was arguing with them. He confirmed that in the past these two women have been responsible for getting several teachers fired without a valid cause- an imaginary valid cause was found for them later.

Ndn Episode

I was waiting in the kindergarten for St. Martin's celebration. I went into my room to get my water bottle and found Cl sitting on the sofa drinking her tea. I just smiled at her and would have silently taken my bottle and gone out without any conversation as after my hours are finished she doesn't express any interest or inclination to talk to me. This time however she eagerly called me and said she wanted to tell me something.

 Well, she told me she was just randomly talking to My that these days we are so stressed because of so much work/ so many children in our group. My casually remarked she would talk to Stf about this. Few minutes later, Stf called Cl in her office and announced that because there was a lot of work and stress in our group she has decided to send Ndn to help us out; from tomorrow, she would be in our group.

"I am so sorry, it's all my fault." She said in her characteristic politeness which I have now discovered to be only skin deep. "I was only randomly talking to My and had no idea that Stf would decide so soon without even consulting me or Ndn."
Well, what's done is done. We can't deny that we do need help as our children are so many and so young. Maybe she turns out to be really a good help to us. You remember, how Chrtn was so helpful to us."
"Yes, that's true, but Ndn is a teacher. If she comes to our group she might want to do things her way and that can create problem. She is a very strong and dominating person. You see, we two are the only teachers of our group. We don't want another teacher. We only need a helper who can help us around with dressing up, diaper change, undressing and maybe serving food like activities. I like Ndn a lot but I do not want her to come in my group."

I confess I was a bit pleased at Cl's agitation. She was now experiencing the same fear of being pushed out by Ndn as I have been of late by Cl.

 Ndn is a German teacher in the baby group. Most of our students this year were in her group last year so she is well known/loved to our children as well as their parents. She is also extremely clever and knows how to intercept parents so most of her last year parents still prefer to talk to her rather than to Cl or to me-the current teachers. We feel bad about this but there's nothing we can do about it.
Cl's fear is absolutely valid. If Ndn does come to our group she will quickly get things moving her way rather than our's; our parents and children will also prefer her over Cl and this should seriously threaten Cl's position in the group.
So far as I am concerned the only drawback I might experience will be the inability to implement my ideas in my group as easily as right now. And of course having two German teachers but only one English teacher in the group will weaken the progress of English learning by my students.

"Its all my fault. I should not have talked to My. I feel so angry with myself. I am such a fool. What will happen now? I don't want her to come..." She wailed and I thought definitely Cl is not such a mouse as I think. She has head big enough to figure all this out.
"Don't worry, now we can't do anything about this. Let's hope it will turn out for the better. Maybe she really proves to be a great help. Or maybe she herself declines to come as it had happened the last time. After all Stf's group has so many babies, she really can't spare Ndn."

While we were thus discussing Ndn herself came in. She decidedly looked miffed.
"Congratulations and welcome. You are to be in our group from tomorrow." I said.
"Yes, I got the news but it is ridiculous that such a decision was taken about me without even asking me once. How can I leave Stf's group? There are sooo many babies. I can't leave the group right now. I am going to talk to Stf that this can't be."

I almost heard Cl's sigh of relief.....!
Well, so Ndn is not coming to our group after all.

St. Martin's Day in Kindergarten

Today we celebrated the St. Martin's day in the kindergarten. St. Martin's Day is a popular festival in Germany in which the children take out a procession in their neighborhood streets and bushes holding self made paper lanterns with light inside and sing St. Martin songs.
Almost two weeks before the festival we had been busy getting the kids to make their lanterns and bake special St. Martin cookies which are only in goose shape and of course sending the necessary emails.

At 5 pm precisely all the parents gathered in the playground from where we started our parade with the children and parents holding their lanterns and singing the very beautiful St. Martin songs "laterne, laterne..", "Ich geh mit meiner laterne..." and "Sank Martin, Sankt Martin..." The parade consisted of taking just three rounds of the kindergarten building and then we all assembled in the gym where Mks and Mcl did a 2 minute skit on St. Martin. and then we went to the hall for refreshments.

On the whole this year's celebration were a lot different from last year which were chaotic, ill organised and grossly clumsy - characteristic of everything done by As.

We enjoyed kinder punch or children's fruit punch the most. Surpirzingly it was a spontaneous invention by Stf who became so angry over something that she just dumped three different juice bottles into the hot fruit tee which she had brewed for the parents; the result was a really nice, refreshing drink! We all asked her what she had used to make it until she started feeling proud of it.

Mks and Mcl's skit was funny. It was something which the children could have done so easily but were never given the chance. Instead Mk spoke the dialogues and Mks posed as St. Martin wearing a helmet, waving a shield and sword and tied a quilt cover on his back. Mcl posed as the poor man shivering in snow; Mks tore the quilt cover, gave the half to Mcl and went away. Then quickly removed his helmet and laid down on the ground when Mcl appeared again as an angel with white wig and wings. Mk completed the story. That was all. How I wish I had the opportunity to get a short play done by children. It would have been far far better than this clumsy performance by adults....

Ah, that reminds me. I met Lm's mother. Lm was the boy who had played king Herod in my Christmas Play last year and exhibited exceptional acting talent and equally great stage fear. He hadn't been able to perform well due to his drawback but I had assured his parents that he only needed exposure and will do extremely fine after few stage acts.

She told me proudly that I was right. When she discovered his acting talent last year on my information she immediately admitted him in an acting school which also does several shows in the city.  Now he has performed on stage and formal audience two times and didn't at all feel the stage fear the way he did during my Christmas play. Also, even his acting teachers admit he has exceptional acting talent. He has now been selected for an important role in a theater which was earlier being played by a much older boy. Everybody says he is really fantastic in acting...!
"I will never forget that it was you and your play that discovered this rare talent in my son..!"

Bhv's birthday. Cl is mean!

Bhv, the Indian boy and son of S's colleague, who was in our group last year is now in My and Mks group.

His birthday was in the last week of October. Mks told his mother to celebrate his birthday on another date in the first week of November as all the other dates were busy.

So yesterday was Bhv's birthday celebration in his group. When his parents handed his birthday cake to Bh and My, they stared at them blankly.
"Today is his birthday? But we didn't know. We can't celebrate his birthday today as we have two teacher's birthday party in school. The children can't eat cakes the whole day."
It was the parent's turn to stare blankly now.
"But we talked to Mks so many times. It was he who fixed the date for his birthday."
"Mks didn't tell us anything."

They were telling the truth; I had myself heard and seen both of them talk about this matter. In truth, Mks fixed the date for birthday and forgot to inform My and Bh so they had no intimation. That's why no mention of Bhv's birthday was made in the weekly plan which did strike a bit odd to the parents but they hadn't imagined this at all.
So his birthday was not celebrated yesterday. My promised them that she would keep the cake in the refrigerator and celebrate his birthday tomorrow very nicely.

Today as I was getting into my class, I glimpsed Bhv's room nicely decorated for birthday with the table all laid out and candles lit. About 15 minutes later she came running to my room.
"Do you have extra birthday gift which the school gives to children on their birthday? "
"Why? What happened?"
" I had forgotten. Today is two more children's birthday in our group...."

Really! How very careless and clumsy...!

When we were in the playground, I learnt with a shock that Sbr, a new German trainee teacher in Mk's group is resigning. She was a nice teacher and good with Mk and the kids. She later came to tell me that she had an argument with My and Mz.
I have yet to learn what happened and how...

A new English teacher Jln from Columbia has been found. She is currently working in Mk's group as Jn's replacement. Jn had to migrate to Mz's group to replace Mri but he too has resigned now. So Mz's group is without an English teacher since the whole of October...

I occasionally learnt from another teacher today that yesterday Cl had invited the school staff to a nearby restaurant for drinks to celebrate her birthday and engagement. I recalled her telling me causally that after work the teachers were going for drinks to a restaurant. Would I come? It was so casual and nondescript. Not the least bit sounding like an invitation or even information. I was surprised that actually she had hosted it and didn't even tell me. Now that definitely is mean.

I couldn't help feeling a bit chilled towards Cl. I am deeply regretting my decision to give her such a costly gift which may well reach above 100 Euros. A wicked thought sneaked into my mind that if My raises an objection to the hotel receipt which says 20 Euros charged for eating and drinking, then I would immediately cancel the dinner gift and tell her it was because of My's objection. This unfortunately didn't happen because My looked at the receipt and readily paid me 20 Euros.

Well...I cannot keep thinking about Cl all my life. I have to be positive in my thoughts and approach and remember that I have more things to be grateful for than to be sorry about.

I should actually admire her for being so professional and diplomatic. True. We are not here to make enemies or friends. We are here to work. The more smoothly and successfully we work the better. I should learn from her how to make people believe you are their best friend when actually you don't give them a damn.

So now I am going to seriously follow these rules for myself:

Try to be friends with everyone and enemy of none.
Don't get personal with anyone.
Don't share tips with Cl. let her grapple alone.
Don't share any gossip or news with Cl.
Don't discuss any teacher or group with her.

Cl's and Mcl's B'day Party

So today was Mcl and Cl's b'day party in school.

While we were making preparations for the party Mz was saying something to me. I took the opportunity and dropped the idea that since there was no English teacher in her group, I could come to her group till the time another teacher was found and then I would go back to my group with Cl.
She was definitely shocked and did her best to hide it too. She appeared to be thinking "What? have you in my group? Never." She narrowed her eyes the way cats do when they are about to attack and then very sweetly - very sweetly replied that there was no need of this. She looked her cunning wicked best when she said that.

Ah! We both are enemies and neither of us is going to forget this no matter how tight hugs we give each other.


I made the introduction for the party and sang and clapped the age numbers and selected Ml whom Cl is very fond of, to give a small shoe box beautifully wrapped which contained the invitation letter and a pack of six apples to add reasonable weight to the box.
"What is it? It is so heavy...!"She commented while she unwrapped it. "Apples?" She cried disbelievingly. Then she saw the envelope. She opened it and stared at me questioningly.
"Read it." I urged.
"Oh...."
I was watching her closely and was almost getting nervous that she might not like the present. Her expressions were...slightly disappointed? I am not sure. Her reaction also appeared to me as a bit under. She just smiled and said thanks and we all got busy in serving cakes and drinks to the children.

I was definitely upset .- with myself for choosing something that coast me so dearly - and didn't at all want to look at her or talk to her.

Later when we came inside the class and were making the lanterns for St. Martin's Day next week, she said.
"Oh, thank you so much for the present. I love Indian food and so does my boyfriend. Can I give you a hug in return? And you made the introduction so nicely.." That pinched me even more. Does she think I am a total fool?
"The introduction? I don't think there was anything extra ordinary in that; I did it just like everyone else does it." I said.
"No, it was nicer. You used such motivational words."
"Well, I don't believe you." I replied flatly.

I am at a loss for words. What do I call this? Hypocrisy ? Diplomacy? Double standard? She had such different expressions on her face when she read the invitation. If she liked it as much as she was telling me now she could have told me so or even hugged me then. No. She takes perfect care not to let others know that she likes me and then when we are alone she starts singing "Oh you are so nice. You are soo this and that" Why this double behavior?

So now I know that her words are not to be trusted. She says nice things to me, praises me and says that she loves me only because I am her team mate and she wants to build nice relations. Outside our classroom everything is different. She feels ashamed even to let it appear on her face that she approves of me or is even remotely friendly to me.

I wish I hadn't given her that present. It was not needed...!

I don't want to work with Cl anymore.

A suicidal act

A thought has suddenly struck me which I can only describe as suicidal. I want to go to Mz's group.

About three-four months ago, during our routine staff meetings, addressing the problem of shortage of English teachers in the school, Stf had asked me if I would like to go to Stf's baby group and I had vehemently declined saying I didn't want to go to baby group because my especiality lied in teaching well and you can't really teach babies.
"Well, then maybe you would like to go to Mz's group where you can teach since the children are 5 years old in that group." proposed Stf. But I declined that either as I didn't like the idea of working under her; I simply said I was comfortable with my present group and didn't want any change.

I was asked the very same question again roughly a month ago and yet again today during the meeting and every time my reply was the same - a firm rigid 'no'.But today a talk with Jn suddenly planted this idea in my mind. He asked me the same question again in private.
"Why don't you go to Mz's group? You will get to teach and the parents will love you."
"Well, actually, I have heard that Mz is a somewhat difficult person to work with; I do not want to court trouble."
"Well, she is a lot busier now because she has to do the manager works. That will give you plenty of opportunity to do what you want. Also, right now you are not considered as an educator but since Mz's group has bigger children you will be called an educator."
.....and I might be able to break free from Cl's fake politeness; she says she loves me and is dependent on me and can't do anything without me yet stays aloof in front of other people as she is afraid to let them know she is even remotely friendly to me, turns her back and ignores me on the train station and conveniently forgets even to write my name on the group register. While all this is still okay,she tries to reserve all the important or even significant tasks to her name so that parents think it is her work while actually it is mine....

Cl's got engaged...!

I was in the playground with the children.
I took Mk aside and asked him if I should go to Mz's group. He was surprised too.
"There is nothing wrong in this idea but if you really want this then you should first ask Mz as she is the group leader and she decides if she wants to have you in her group." He suggested.
"So I needn't talk to Stf the boss at all?"
"No. Talk to Mz. If she agrees then rest will automatically happen."
I was glad of his advise but this also disappointed me. I know Mz well enough. She might give me her best smiles and hugs but she would never want me to work with her in her group. She will never agree and what's more brainwash Stf also in doing the same.

Ever since I had got the idea of changing the group. I had been so excited. I had even made a list of new things I would be doing there. This advise played such a damper. I know she will never agree so there's no point in asking. I kept turning the idea over and over in my mind but decided it was useless to ask her so didn't.

When we were returning from the playground, Cl broke the news.

"I want to tell you something. I am going to get married."
"What?" I cried.
"Yes. I got proposed yesterday."
"How?"
"Yesterday was a holiday and my birthday. We went to Tergernsee. We climbed the mountain over there and when we reached the top, he suddenly took out a rose from his bag and proposed to me. I was so surprised and happy that I started crying. Then he took out a bottle of champagne and even two glasses to celebrate the moment."

I was so happy for her that hugged her tightly again and again. I could almost feel the tears of happiness start in my own eyes.
"I know you will be a perfect wife. You are such a nice person. You truly deserve this. Go and tell him today that I have said he is very lucky to have you."
"And I am very lucky to have him too. He is a very nice man."
"Soon to be your husband! So now there will be four married women in the school...!" I remarked and we laughed so much.
She was absent minded the whole day as she still couldn't get her proposal off her mind. Well, and after she told me, neither could I.

Tomorrow we are to celebrate her birthday in school. All the teachers contribute money to buy a birthday present worth 20 Euros. The whole school gathers in the hall, we all sing birthday song and give the present and then enjoy a party full of cakes, biscuits, juice and other goody stuff. Since she is my co teacher, I have been told to buy a present for her. At first I could not decide what to buy and had planned to go to shopping center and choose something nice but after hearing this good news, I changed my mind completely. Now I am going to present her an invitation for dinner for her and her boyfriend in an Indian restaurant. Although it was a bit costly but I don't mind....

My best wishes for her and her soon to be husband.....!

Today a new child joined our group - Hn. He is half British and Half German. He didn't cry at all although today was his first day in a school. Later when we went to park, his mother left him to see if he would still be fine and he was. When we returned from the park he was still okay so I told the mother to wait till the lunch time. After the lunch was over we took him for toilet and then to the sleep room. Just to test him out, I asked him if he was tired. He said "Ya".
"Do you want to go to sleep?"
"Ya."
Well, so I put him to bed and he calmly, happily went to sleep. I informed his mother who was passing her time in the teacher's staff room still waiting for him. She was happy too to hear that he had been so easy and nice to handle. I called her into the sleep room to have a glimpse of him without letting him see her. She was contented. She just wanted him to have his favorite toy - a dark brown soft monkey, for sleeping time so I gave that to him.

Hn, slept peacefully for one hour and a quarter and woke up on his own, in a perfect mood, fully rested and refreshed. Then he put the monkey lovingly back on the bed.

After the school got over, I went to the restaurant, talked to the manager and arranged the whole thing. Then I  went to a stationary shop, bought an invitation card, wrote out the invitation for a 'Dinner for Two at S Indian Restaurant. Any time. Any evening. " Then put the stamp which the restaurant owner had especially lent me.

I placed the invitation card in a small shoe box, along with a pack of six apples to lend some weight to box and then wrapped it up beautifully with paper and gold satin ribbons. It did look extremely nice.
I only hope she will like it.

An Interesting Meeting- First ever of its kind!

So today was a holiday for children but a special working day for teachers. We were told it will be a teacher's training workshop; it however was only a general meeting the type we have every fortnight. The only difference being it was really really long from 9 am to 4.30 pm and..,interesting.

We began by discussing individual problems of each group, problematic children, Fr's inability to pee properly, Bshr's naughtiness, Ptr's insolence etc etc. I was pleased when my views and advises were met with acclaim and appreciation.

And then came the interesting part. Stf herself!
We started discussing Stf and her policies and I was surprised to discover how everyone was so disgruntled including Mz and My. I had hitherto thought at least My and Mz were happy.

Stf only wants to expand her business and earn more and more money. She has illegally admitted too many children in every group which in turn has overburdened the teachers with unnecessary tasks. Her idea or rather, Tk's idea to promote the child to the next group as soon as he turns a year older to create a vacancy in that group is actually wreaking a havoc in all the groups. The children first take time in settling in the new group and getting accustomed with the teachers, the children and the practices of the group when suddenly they celebrate their birthday and then the next day they are uprooted and planted into a totally new group. The entire group gets confused and unsettled as new children keep walking in and the old ones keep walking out. You might think you were really on a busy metro station.
 In this process the teachers are not able to teach anything since the ones who had just begun to learn went away and the new ones will take some time before they can begin to learn.
"I don't feel like I am a teacher anymore;" Commented My." I have not been able to teach a single thing to my kids since the new session started. I am all the time changing diapers of the kids. It is horrible."

We all agreed it was just the same with us.

Stf has admitted 15 babies in the baby group with only three teachers to handle them - An, Nd and Stf. They  complained 15 babies were too much for them. If one baby cries, the rest start crying too. Their noise gives them earaches and headaches. Often they have to hold two babies simultaneously together in their arms which further gives them severe backache. And now Stf is planning to usurp Mk's room and turn it into a nursery too so that more babies could be accommodated and keep Mk's 20 children and Mz's 15 children together in Mz'z room.! Thirty five children together in one small room! The very thought is suffocating!

"I cannot work under these conditions. I have told her I am leaving at the end of this session." Said Mk.
"And me too." Said Jn. "I cannot work either in this way."
"Why don't we all talk to Stf and request her not to do like this. " Mz suggested.

So everyone started jotting down the points they wanted to discuss with Stf. Mks in his usual brutally frank way told us that Stf was being completely right-"I mean try to look from her point of view. She is a businesswoman and wants to expand her business. There is nothing wrong in thinking like this. If I were in her place I would do the same. As to leaving my job, let me tell you guys, I shall never leave my job for anyone. I have rent and electricity bills to pay. I need my job."
"Me too." Nodded My.
"Me also" Agreed several of them.
"You can write down as many points as you please, but let me tell you, you guys are just wasting your time." Mks declared.
"Yes, I think so too." I dropped in. " She is the boss and she does what she wants. She might listen to you but ultimately she will just do it. Like last time we had requested her not to take in more children, or not to transfer children in next group mid session, she had consented or appear to be considering but ultimately she did it. I am very sure she will not listen to us. If she has made up her mind then that's the end to it."
"I don't believe this." Cl argued incredulously with wide eyes. "She loves us and really likes us. I am sure she will listen to us." Her reply was so irritatingly foolish...!

Cl's behavior is so maddening!
We are normally always very affectionate and fond of each other. Only two days ago she had hugged me fondly like a long lost sister when she returned from her blood test telling me she had missed me so much, and then just yesterday sent me a long email thanking me for everything and that we are the best team in the world and blah blah blah. Yet today when we met in the school when she was sitting amidst the other teachers she behaved cool, aloof almost indifferent like I were just an unindentifiable in a busy crowd. Apart from appearing distant, she also tries to oppose my opinion in front of the others while when she is alone, she agrees with everything that I say; and this I will have to admit, always catches me off guard. Being the close friends and colleagues that we are and having already shared my views with her on a certain subject and knowing that she agreed with me, I naturally expect she will second my view and not oppose me in front of the others.

Mental conflict

I am a lot disturbed now...since a few days. Discontent is eating my heart out.

It is unsettling for my dignity, self respect, pride and ego. I am not just a qualified and an experienced teacher; I am also a gifted, talented, skilled, versatile and an expert teacher. I cannot digest my humiliation at the hands of my juniors or even inferiors.

I cannot forget that when I and Cl had joined this school about a year ago within one month of each other, Cl had been literally nothing. She was just ultra sweet, polite, docile and a loving teacher but other than that she had no skills, no knowledge on how to deal with different types of kids, different types of parents, how to solve children's problems within the group or biggest thing- how and what to teach them. She didn't even know how to teach songs to the children, what content should be appropriate for 2-3 years old and why involving parents was so necessary.

The happy and successful one academic session which we produced last year was entirely of my shaping and construction. I formulated policies, chalked out strategies wrote the whole syllabus and decided and demonstrated what to teach and how. She worked under my guidance and I lead the group virtually. There was my name on the group file.

A year later things are changing. Cl, sometimes, appears to be getting particular about the lead role. It was me who wrote long informative newsletter emails to parents but now she tries to reserve them for herself knowing the parents will think it is her effort. She also reserves plenty of group and kindergarten news to be written only in her mails. When we started our second group and had no email group for parents, I insisted and indicated how we could continue sending the mails to parents. She followed it and took the whole credit.
She often takes pictures from her baby camera and mails them to parents. I respected her idea and didn't want to copy her. Now no matter what, she cannot let me do it. She has never said so - but you know how she will do it.
The still bigger things are, she does all the talking to the parents now. I leave early and most parents come at a later time to pick up their children but I am noticing that even those parents who do come early gets hogged by her. Very soon, no one will be aware there is also an English teacher for this group!

My heart has begun to ache now. I am losing the pleasure in my work, and the will to do better and better in school everyday. I hadn't felt so disheartened even with the Christmas Play episode last year. I suddenly want to resign or stop working here. Cl is a good learner. In one year she has learnt a lot from me to be able to roll out plenty of successful groups year after year and the type of person that she is she will get better and better. Whereas, I with all my capabilities and degrees have only been able to work as an underpaid trainee who cannot be trusted enough even be left alone with the children...!

S says I shouldn't think in this way only. I should count myself extremely lucky that I got someone like Cl to work with who was docile enough to let me do what I wanted and followed me faithfully everywhere. Suppose I had got Mz or My who are notorious for being over dominating, silly, foolish, making other's life hell and getting every teacher under them ultimately fired?

S is getting fed up with his present position in Germany too and he has already started hunting for change of scene. I am praying now that I retire from this school soon now.

A Whole Day Without Cl

Today, early in the morning at 6 am, I received Cl's message that she had fallen ill and wouldn't be coming to school today.

I hoped I would again be allowed to handle my group alone. It is not a question of independence or even superiority; it is just a question of rightful dignity. I terribly humiliated and insulting that I can't be left alone with the kids as if I were a criminal.

So, I got to handle my group alone yet again. Everybody regarded me with pity on hearing that I was alone with the children and asked me how I was faring, expecting me to break into tears or collapse with a heart attack. They were stunned to hear that I was exceptionally fine, in fact better than most days and the children couldn't be better well behaved or so well under control.
Even Jr the little German boy who cries the whole day and goes only to Cl was perfectly okay with me and had no objections in coming to me.

The only incident to mar my euphoria was Fr's pee pee. That  boy's mother wants us to take him to pee every five minutes in school but forgets to instruct her husband to take him to pee before dropping him in the class. The result is he wets his clothes even before we started the class. And then, he either does pee in his clothes or shoots his pee onto his clothes while peeing in the toilet, or his pee drips down from the space between the cover and the toilet bowl all on to his clothes.  And if none of these happens he drops water glass on to his pants! Whatever you do with him, his clothes are always wet!

Today he wet his clothes three times. No underwears were left in his basket or in the kindergarten stock. I finally gave him a diaper. The next time when  he went to pee and sat down on the toilet, his pee steadily dripped down from the space between the toilet seat and bowl.
 I have really become sick of this boy!

After we returned from the playground visit, Mks requested me to have the lunch with his group. I wanted to have it in my own but on second thought I gave in; I didn't want to refuse his every gesture of help and sound like an adamant snob.
After the lunch, we went to the toilets together and then finally to sleep - only my children and me in their new separate sleeping room.

While I was marking attendance for my group in the afternoon, I suddenly noticed with irony that my name is nowhere mentioned in the group record..! There is Stf - the owner's name, My and Mz the manager's name and Cl's name for group leader. Simply no mention of me as if I don't exist at all...This is a bit weird because this is a bilingual kindergarten where an English teacher occupies an important place in every group..!.

I am a bit worried now....

A half Day without Cl

Today Cl had to be absent from school for half a day for a blood test. There is still the shortage of teachers in school due to many of us still being ill. In addition, both Mz and My were also absent due to their requirement somewhere else for the school. I am guessing some manager workshop or training...

There's a rule here in Germany that if you're "a certain German word" teacher which means something like under teacher or a trainee teacher then you can't be left alone with the kids; you only work in the supervision of the lead teacher. In this school there's also the rule that only the German teacher will be the lead teacher...! Also, my degrees which qualify me to be an experienced and an expert teacher, have not been translated into German which reduces me to the status of only a trainee - at least on paper and in terms of salary.

So once, in the past when Cl was absent and no other teacher was free to come to my group and I was handling my group alone, then Mz had very insultingly stated that I could not be left alone with the kids as I was only a trainee and then she had merged my group with another group.
 Her statement left me seething like a freshly erupted volcanic lava for several days...! I have trained Cl, made every single decision about my group, led my group in and out of every big and little thing and made my group successful and the only successful group in the whole school and I am to be referred as only a bloody trainee?

I was desperately hoping to be left alone with the kids and was very very glad that both Mz and My were not present to prevent this from happening.

Mks came to me and asked me if I needed help.
"No, I don't." I replied happily.
"I know, that you're very capable and very well able to handle the group yourself but as you know-"
"-yes, I know that I can't be left alone with the kids but I don't see what other options I have."
"Maybe you come into our group?" He suggested.
"Mks, you have 20 children and only two teachers including yourself ( both trainees) If you merge my group you will have 30 and THAT will be crazy and totally unmanageable."
"Ya...but something else..."
"You want to come to my group or Bh? You're welcome!"
"No no, I have 20 children and I have only Bh to stay with me."
"Same way I cannot merge my group with Mk or Mz's group; they both have 20 children and they are without extra help too."
"Yes...maybe you can have An from the baby group; the baby group has 3 teachers."
"I have already talked to them. They have so many babies there that they can't spare An for me."
"So there is no other way. You must stay with your kids." He resigned and I rejoiced openly. " Let me know if you need any help."

I really did go ecstatic over my victory. Can't be left alone with the kids? What the fuck!

I guess, Mz, My or Stf, maybe Stf rang the school to find out if everything was Okay; Mks usually answers the phone and when he told her that Cl was absent then she expressed her concerns that I must not be left alone so he had come to tell me that I should merge...

I was surprised that unlike everyday, my kids didn't trouble at all. They were all nice, well behaved and docile. I was able to carry out all the planned activities as per the schedule without making any cuts anywhere and of course without any trouble.

Cl arrived at 11 o'clock and was in the kitchen when I and the children returned from our playground visit. I was very happy to see her but I confess, a remote corner of my heart lost the taste of freedom and dignity...! Do what I would, I cannot get rid of the humiliating thought that despite being everything in my group and for my group and shaping it completely, I am to be regarded as just a trainee - a bloody trainee!