Quirk of Fate...

Its  my fate's quirk again. I am doing Christmas play a forth time and facing a battle the forth time too.

The last time when I did the play I had to struggle because the administrator and managers of the school was against it for purely personal reasons and the rest of the staff was plain jealous. This time, I wanted to make sure that the administrator of the school really agreed with my plans so I asked her several times. Every time her answer was a swift and eager 'Yes' then I proceeded further. But then, the other teachers had to suffer jealousy pangs. They all have turned against me. Now only two weeks are left for Christmas Play, everyday something or the other happens to cancels the daily practice. I am getting jittery now.

Yesterday, as soon as I entered the school with my bag of costumes and my piano, I met Mrs Wlz. She greeted me and helped me carry the bag of costumes. I told her that my practices are not being regular and we can't afford that since the date is pretty near and we need to have more practice.
"Yes, of course. You can do it which ever way you like it."

Later, I went to Consti and expressed my desire that I wanted to have more practice and that I needed Ntl to play music. She erupted in panic!!!
"I can't give you my teachers. I do not have more time for practice. I have other activities to do at that time. The children have to do coloring, cutting, pasting and freeplay. We can't do theater the whole day. Why do you want only my theater? This is your personal theater. Why don't you ask other teachers of the school? Why don't you ask your group teachers?

I struggled in my scanty German to make her understand that this theater is not my personal but for the school and the children. The reason why I have chosen B Group is because this group has older children. The reason why I need Ntl is because she is B group teacher which makes it easier for her and me and the children to work in co-ordination together. I can of course ask anybody else but that would mean disrupting a sepearte group and a teacher as well. The time that I am asking for practice is the time when children do freeplay or art/craft activity; these two activities are something the children do everyday, the whole year. It won't harm them if their time for free play or art craft activity is slightly changed or decreased. Whereas the  Theater is a big event and is going to happen for the first time and only once a year.

Then I went over to Ntl. She was not even aware that this theater which her group has been practicing is meant to be in front of the whole school.
"Oh yes, then it really is important! I can help with the music but only if Consti allows me too."

After half an hour Cr jumped into this muddle with full pomp and show.

The Christmas Play practice and the Mary crisis

The Christmas fever is catching on even though it is one and a half month away.

I started play practice about two weeks ago. All the children are German speaking with the exception of Han who speaks English- so she is the narrator. Another very beautiful girl Mylu (and she also catches English pretty fast) is my Mary. The rest are just headaches! They don't understand English, don't understand theater and worse than that, they are such an undisciplined lot that they can't stop giggling. They either giggle or they talk. there's nothing between these two expressions for them and both so loud its impossible to do anything with them without shouting myself.

Last week, I heard the distressing news that Mylu is going on a month long vacation to Thailand so she can't be in the play anymore. There's not a single other girl in the whole group big or capable enough to play this central role. My eyes fell on Anj, the English speaking American girl in the Dragon Group.

I had briefly mentioned this to Mrs Walz. and she had agreed.

Last Friday, while coming to school, I accidentally met Anj's mother and asked her if she would like her daughter to participate in the play. She was very happy and agreed immediately. She also did not have any problem in sacrificing her snoozing for the sake of practice.

In the noon time I met her German teacher France and politely asked her permission to let Anj come to me during the snoozing time as I needed her for something. This Miss France, was visibly still nursing her wounds which my general remarks about the teachers gave her on that fatal Saturday meeting. With a severe rigid face and her mouth set in a thin line and displeasure and disdain writ large on her face she straightaway told me that was not possible.
"I have talked to her mother and she says she can be allowed." I protested.
"Aber sie kann nicht. She sleeps."
"Yes, I know, but her mother said she is old enough to stop sleeping now. It is really important that she be allowed. I really need her."
"Yes, but she sleeps. She can't go."
"Okay...maybe some other time? maybe before sleeping?"
"She eats at that time."
"Oh yes....leider...snoozing is the only time I can have her."
"Aber sie kann nicht."
"Okay, no problem," I gave in," I shall think about some other solution. I will talk later." So saying I moved away.

Anj was all the time hanging on my arm and had heard the entire conversation. When we moved away, she said in a worrying and accusatory tone
"My mom doesn't have problem why is Miss France having a problem? My mom told you I can stop sleeping. Why isn't she listening to you? Now what will happen? How will we practice the theater?"
"Don't worry Anj, I'll do something."

When I came to school on Monday an odd thing had already happened!
As I entered my class, Ank and Cristi enthusiastically delivered me Angle's message that I could have Anj whichever time I pleased. Angle is Anj's German teacher and group leader. A while later, I met someone while going downstairs and she repeated the message.
Half an hour later Mrs Walz came into my room and delivered the same message.
What's up with the whole school saying the same thing to me? I wondered.

Right at 12.30, I went to Anj's class to fetch her. She was ready waiting for me and the same chillies and garlic Miss France smiled at me with as much sweetness as she could and told me Anj was ready waiting for me. Okay...
On my way back to my class, little Anj told me
"You know, my mom was so angry with my teachers because they were not letting me go for the practice. She wrote a letter for them ordering them to so."
"What?" I cried.
"Ya! My mom was very very angry." She smiled sweetly.
I didn't believe her and thought she was just making that one up.

In the afternoon, long after the play practice was over, Angle came to me and asked how had Anj done in the practice.
"Nice really; we need a lot of practice."
"Well, look at this." She took out a letter handwritten in German. "Her mother wrote this letter for us ordering us to allow Anj to go at whatever time you want her to for the practice."
"I am sorry Angle, I didn't know about this letter. I had merely asked France and she didn't allow me. I was considering talking to you but till then this came. I hope you don't think it is my fault."

On a side note, I am first of all amazed how that little five year old girl could fully understand that that nasty Miss France was keen on not allowing her to go. Secondly, she went home and related everything with so much clarity that her mother took instant step. They both knew what they were doing! Upon my part, I really do not care what France or Angle think of me. I still think, France could have been more accommodating or at least tried to find a solution. She didn't even bother to ask me or her why I wanted her. She had just decided to be unhelping.

Consti has sworn vengeance on me

Today Ank was on leave and many other teachers were also on leave so there was an utter shortage of teachers in the whole school. Crist went to Frogs while I remained in the Lions with just a practicantin. Bears had just Consti and Natli.

Early in the morning, Consti came to fight me, "Why did you throw Leon's craft and paper in the dustbin? His mother had come and was very angry because of this."
Reality was, Leon and Max were just wasting sheets after sheets of paper by just crumpling them and brandishing them at everyone like swords or weapons. What I threw in dustbin was nothing like a precious piece of craft or art, just roughly rolled paper. She comes to fight me for this? God knows, if really the mother had been angry or not. I doubt a mother would want to angrily complain about throwing away just a rolled piece of paper which happened two days ago...!

I told her why I did it and demanded that I would like talk to his mother myself when she came today to pick him up.

Later when we went out to the playground, she came up to me yet once again.
"Tim doesn't like you. He says you are very strict."

Tim is an overgrown six year old boy tall enough to reach my shoulders and insolent, impolite and disobedient to quite the last degree. His face is the very picture of disdain. When everyone in the class say Good Morning to me or something else, he just turns his face away displaying rude expressions and refuses to do anything I politely ask him to. The fact that the Bears are extremely rude and undisciplined in the whole school and their teachers don't do anything with them, they are used to behaving in undesirable manner thinking it is okay. And when someone like me comes along and tries to tell them not to do this or that they are bound to feel offended.

"Consti, I am not strict. In my whole previous career children have always loved me. My own group children love me and the parents have never complained. I think the problem is something else. Your group is extremely rowdy and lacks discipline. My children never say I am strict, why should your children say I am strict?"
"I don't know. You must try to find out."

We talked together for nearly 15 minutes in as much broken English and German as we were capable of, but the outcome was nothing. I know of course she is just trying to make problems for me by hook or crook, and falsely instigating the children and parents against me is the weapon she has. I cannot imagine, the same children are disrespectfully scolded by Rivna and used to be screamed and shouted at by Sibrana but they never felt bad and never complained, but they feel bad when I am actually loving towards them.

The problem is not the children, but the teachers!

Today Crist had a one and half hour long meeting with Mrs Wal. When we later met each other in the park, she told me she had a long discussion with her. She was happy someone was telling her what new things to do in the school. She is amazed that out group is the only one to come up with so many new ideas. She has said yes to everything and declared that very soon she is going to make this a rule that every group will have its own morning circle on a weekly plan made by us; not only this, every group will have morning circle done both in German and English simultaneously. I remember, when I had given Mrs Wal my list of things that I wanted to be done in the school, at least two or three months ago, I had written the very same thing. At that time I thought she may have forgotten but I am glad she was actually considering this.

I am a bit concerned. I fear, Cristi is stealing my position.

I was just about to go home and was waiting for the mother of Leon to show up, when Consti came and told me that she had met the mother and explained to her that the child was using his craft as a weapon that's why it was thrown. the mother didn't know about this. She said, "Okay, if this was the case then no problem." and went away. "So now you don't need to talk to his mother."
The truth could well be that there was no complained in the first place! I should still, nevertheless talk to the mother to know what the truth was.

Halloween today

Crist and Ank had come dressed up as witches with a long black hat. We had already decorated the room yesterday and today a parent even brought a huge jack-o-lantern for us. The children were all dressed up and very excited. My group was the only one to celebrate Halloween on such a lavish scale. To a little extent the Bears too but that was probably because of the hype I had created in them over the last few days...

Consti by chance entered our party room and on seeing the candles burning started shouting that we couldn't have fire inside the kindergarten as it was illegal. She appeared to be quite happy finding at least one fault with us. We put out the candles and were deeply aware of Consti's dark intentions.
Later she came to me and suggested me that I organize some theater, song or some some presentation for the parents's coffee evening. Why?

I was on duty with the Bears when Pirs' mama came to pick him up. Last week, Rivna and Consti both had complained to me that Pirs is a sensitive boy who feels afraid of me and my English class because I pressurize him and force him to speak in English which he doesn't like, so he doesn't want to attend my morning circles at all. They also told me that his parents are German so they do not want him to learn English.

"I have heard Pirs is having some problem. I have been told he feels afraid here. Can you tell me the whole thing please? I want to help him and solve whatever problem he might be having."
To my surprise she spoke in good English.
"Oh, thanks very much. But my son is not afraid - he is very angry."
"Angry?"
"Yes. Because he is not taken care of. He feels neglected and unloved. He doesn't like this."

Unfortunately, she didn't have time so she couldn't talk to me in detail, but she has promised to tell me everything in detail on Friday.

I happened to see Mrs Wl and I tld her this.
She was surprised too. "You mean they were lying to you and telling you it was your fault?"
"Yes"
"Don't bother about them. They are all very jealous with you. And we will talk about this in detail on Friday. I am concerned about this."

I turned around and saw Consti standing right beside me. I am guessing she can't have understood me much as she was managing children and I was speaking really fast English. She can however have well understood what I was talking about as I took Rivna, Pirs and her name several times.

Today was Ysi's last day int he kindergarten.
Just as I was leaving, Cristi told me that Cati was warning me that I have been seen too many times without the school's Tshirt. I must wear it everyday.

I don't know what to make of this whole day.

boring days

Days here have got deathly boring. The day Annette got fired was probably my last interesting day at this strange kindergarten; well not just interesting but also having some conversation. Ann Christine is nice enough yet you cant really call her nice for doing all the cleaning stuff so that we teachers are free to do the teaching; occasionally she tells us what we have to do. Apart from this she prefers staying aloof, silent and deliberately taciturn, almost wooden and icy cold, probably she does this on purpose to maintain her distance from the employees or she really does feel averted and repulsed at the prospects of talking with them. In six hours I rarely speak to her six times.

Cathy has replaced Annette for the time being. She is another one, a disturbingly quiet, over the top satisfied frog in a well. She has no idea what the world outside is up to, and has no desire to be part of it even if she did. She speaks no English and self complacently tells me that "English is not my thing". So I am stuck with only the children to exercise my tongue and hear my own voice. Sometimes I wish Annette hadn't gone.

Why both Ant and Stl are suddenly so nice towards me?

I was afraid to go to school today for fear of what I would have to face. Yesterday I was plain lucky that Ant absented herself; she may come today and throw drama around. I would not like to listen to her.
Whatever, I had steeled myself to give my broadest smiles to the point of cheek. I did it.

As soon as I entered the class I saw Ant. Blow! I smiled and hailed her so warmly she was taken aback. Then she smiled back at me - only her smile was very stiff and artificial and did not reach her eyes. Her eyes looked wary, cautious, full of suspicion.

She didn't have to be reminded about morning circle today. She came of her own accord with that Early man Book in her hand which is more fit for 10 year old kids. Don't worry. I said to myself, I won't let you use it.  We did the song, then I did magnetic numbers 1-10 on board while there was pin drop silence because the children were so entranced to see something new and interesting.
"You know, we can make them play an interesting game with these numbers. We can ask all the one year old to stand, then two year old and so forth." She suggested.
"Next time maybe. Right now I have other things to do with them." I declined.

I then did a lot of things while she no doubt waited for her turn which didn't come making her feel probably lucky. She ought to know that she is here for children and morning circle is not the only time when she can teach.

When I finished she exclaimed, "Oh, you do it so nicely." with fake tones of admiration. She as yet doesn't know I am too shrewd to be fooled by plain flattery.

Throughout the day she kept trying to say pleasant things to me in order to please or mold me. I went upstairs and met Stl. She hailed me like a long lost friend.
"I have heard you don't get time to drink water. Is it true? Oh trust me, they will never give you time for that. I have a fridge here where you can have water anytime you want. You must tell them straight that you are going for a drink- you have that much right. By the way, when are you bringing any Indian food for us? I am in love with Indian food and it is so tasty. German food can never be like this.You must cook something for us one day."

Okay, so something is up between these two ladies. Both are trying so hard to please me. Maybe Wlz has given them a piece of her mind or so....

Later towards the close of the day, Ant finally found something after her own heart. She said she was going upstairs to complete her German lessons file which is missing many pages so I must clean the three room upstairs.

I didn't want to appear as someone who always resists and fights so I accepted for once. I was quite sure she had no such thing. I went up and found she had only spread a lot of papers on table to show she was working and the whole half hour that I remained there she was only chatting to another teacher in whispers, no doubt discussing me, and did nothing, NOTHING at all. Then she put the papers back and went downstairs.

There is a saying in Hindi that if low mentality or bad person suddenly become soft and polite then smell danger. It means they are up to something. 

New Group Leader Pt?

Today was Gl's last day. We decided that first we would have have our morning circle and then the Farewell party.
Just at 9 0'clock when we were about to begin our class, Mrs. Wlz walked in with a tall, broad, great, redoubtable looking, middle aged woman and introduced her to us as Pt the new group leader in our group. She is German but is certified bilingual ie English and German teacher as well and is very qualified and experienced.
The reaction on me and Ant was immediate. We both were suddenly frightened, tense and stressed at the grim prospect of being ruled again and not being good enough to be a group leader ourselves. I know I can't be a group leader as I cannot work full time due to family issues- a group leader has to work full time. If Ant had been dreaming of becoming a group leader then she is herself to blame for her heart break - she is barely fit to be a teacher, forget a group leader.

Ant was a completely different picture now. I think she has personality disorder. She can change her entire front so swiftly. She put up a smily smily face and started dominating and hogging around to impress Pt positively. This woman, who had not taken a single morning circle since two months suddenly insisted that she will take morning circle and she wants to sing a song with the children so that Pt gets to know the names of the children, and she will introduce Pt to children and announce farewell party for Gl.
I didn't like this but ceded. I can't always resist and must give others their chance. She sang a song which was really about 'Guten tag' not 'Guten Morgen' but that's not the point. She then asked me with a super bright but still fake smile if I wanted to do the 'Good Morning' song.
On Pt's encouragement I did the Good morning song a bit speedily as we were short of time because of the party.

I was getting increasingly pissed off at Ant's blatant show off. Pt herself looked quite formidable, dominating and impossible to mold. I was straining myself not to think that I am probably out of the frying pan straight  into the fire. Sr would have been probably better- I don't want  to spend my life meekly following orders from stupid group leaders who regard themselves like emperors and the others like slaves. Probably I should now start thinking about resigning or at least changing my job.

After the party was over, we left Pt and A.Chr behind and took the children to the river park. I could not put off the grimness of my situation from my mind. When we returned, Pt was still there. Ant's show off performance returned in full blow. She took the kids from me saying she wanted to change their diapers something which she again hadn't done since the last two months! She asked me to show her English lesson plan files. We went in a room and she said something that made me prick my ears.
"I have talked to Mrs Wlz and she has told me a lot of things." She began. "I will be working here as the House in charge, not group leader. I notice how Ant was trying to be dominating and acting. She was trying to impress. I don't like a lot of things done over here and want to change. I think we need another kindergarten teacher for this group and between you and me, we can take the English of both the groups switching with each other as necessary. The bear group doesn't have a native English speaker. I will tell Mrs Wlz to employ only qualified teachers here.
"A lot of things are wrong over here." I nodded. "I am myself just one and half month old over here. I was appalled to see how bad the teachers are over here. Nobody works, no body teachers. They just pass time with the kids. It's a shame."
Ant peeped in through the open door feeling suspicious what we two were talking about so softly. Pt curtly requested her close the door and go out. Ant's face was a picture to look at.

Pt opened up towards me. She gave me a smile that I felt was genuine and said we would work together and change everything. She gave me her visiting card, a warm shake hand and then went away.

Ant and Gl were totally eaten up with curiosity as to what I had been talking over with Pt. but I didn't offer any explanation and didn't ask.

I can see that Ant is terribly frightened. Well so am I, only our reasons are different. While I hate to be dominated, Ant is afraid of working altogether. She is afraid she will have to work and by the looks of Pt, may not be able to fool her the way she does everyone else.

Today, I have made a list of 25 suggestions for my group and handed it over to A. Chr. to give it to Mrs Wlz.

A hard day

I don't know what I am in for. My head is blasting with a tension headache.

It started when I found that psycho Ant doing some useless writing work leaving a pack of children alone in another room to fight or hurt themselves as they liked. I examined the list that she was making and I found she was only copying a list of names from one piece of paper to another piece of paper. I told her nicely that she need not do that. The next I pointed out that she cannot leave the children alone. She was visibly angry, though she didn't let me know, on me. She snapped,"Its becasue  Mrs. Wlz says we can do that."
"What? I find it hard to believe. No kindergarten, according to law, allows children to be left unattended. "
"Yes. I know. But Mrs. Wlz says we can. I am only following her orders."
"Did really Mrs Wlz say such a thing. I am sure she did't. I will ask her A. Chr."
I quickly brought A.chr on scene and she corroborated that Mrs. Wlz had said no such thing.

Ant had no other excuse left to avoid working. And she was fuming. In vain attempt, she went to talk to other teachers about Yoga children so she could escape taking the morning circle. I was not willing for this. I readied the children, then went and interrupting her discussion midway, I sweetly reminded her that the children were waiting for her to come and do the morning circle.

She came back, cursing me no doubt and wishing me a hundred deaths.
"You can go out, while I am doing the morning circle." She said.
"But hadn't we agreed in front of Mrs. Wlz that we have to be here together?"
"Yes,but  you can go and bring some paper for craft."
"I am sure, Gl can do that."
Gl dropped in. "Let's both of us go and fetch the paper from downstairs."
"Really? But two people are not needed to bring a roll of paper whereas two people are needed to do the morning circle."

I can imagine she was very very angry but she masked it well for the time being. She took a glib, sodden morning circle, talking about early man and litrally reading paragraphs off a book! The children were yawning.

Morning circle over, she wanted to take them to garden while the time table said we needed to go to the gym. Reluctantly she went to the gym. I noticed she was forcing Bqt to go when he didn't want to...on purpose. Both Gy and she force children to do things they like or don't let them do things they like; by doing this they get a queer sense of extracting revenge on the poor children.

Stl came to me at 2 0'clock and said she wanted to talk to me. I knew, of course. By the way, Stl is house coordinator.

'Is anything wrong between you and Ant?"
"Of course not."
"She came to me and poured over me with complaints. she was very distressed."
"I can't understand why she should be distressed when she was only reminded of her own task."
"That's the problem. Why did you remind her?"
"Because if not, she will never do it."
"How do you know?"
"This is what has been happening since the last two months. She never does anything, pretends she has lot's of work to do and slops all the work on to my shoulders."
"If she doesn't do, do't bother. Let her not do it. That's not your problem. That's the school's problem."
"Yes, I can do what you suggest, but when I see something wrong happening in front of my eyes, I can't keep quiet. I can't see the children suffering because of her, the parents sufferening because of her and ultimately the school and the school's reputation suffereing because of her."
"You don't need to bother about the school, or kids or parents. You are here to work, just do your work and forget who else is not working. If she is wrong, she will eventually be found out, because the kids will report at home, the parents will discover, they will come and ask Mrs Wlz and Mrs wlz will in turn ask Ant."

I could have died with shock at this recourse or explaination. Seriously?

"You mean, if I see some wrongdoing, I shut my eyes because it is not my business and wait for the kids to tell their parents and the parents to come and ask Mrs Wlz and for Mrs Wlz to come and confirm Ant, rather than simply pointing out her fault and ending this long torture and so many endless wrong doings in between?"

"And you know why A.Chr is in your group? She is here to keep an eye on all of you to see if you all are working in the right manner or not. That's why, I am saying don't bother about Ant. If she doesn't work it will be known. She is being watched to see if she is able to lead a group or not. -
Ant, a group leader? Forget it.
"- and please don't try to change the way the things are done over here. We have a structure and nobody is changing that. We have always had morning circle with just one teacher and so you can't tell Ant or anybody else to be with her during the morning circle."

I chuckeled. "Ant, Gl , and I have already discussed this with Mrs Wlz. She agreed that I and Ant will do morning circles together everyday."
"Why?"
I smiled sweetly. "Because doing morning circles alone with 20 children with some of them screaming, crying, talking and getting up is very distracting for the entire group."
"Then who remains outside to recieve the latecomers?"
"We are three teachers and surely one teacher is enough to recieve the late comer, no?"

I could see she was getting edgy too, in fact, angry. I did't care. I just smiled blandly as if I didn't know.

I came smiling from ear to ear downstairs. Ant looked as dark as thunder, just without the sound though.
"Ant, are okay? You are looking so stressed!"
"Oh.....Mrs Wlz!" She threw up her hands in despair not having right words to address my querry.

I turned and saw Mrs Wlz. talking to Stl and A.Chr. I ran to join them. She smiled affably at me and asked if everything was okay.
"There is some confusion-" I began but was immediately interrupted by Stl who looked a different person now, almost artificial with fake politeness. How people change!
"No, there is no confusion. I talked with her and now its agreed that she will do her morning circle and Ant will do hers."
This time I interrupted her.
"But Mrs, Wlz, do you remember you had decided that I would do morning circles everyday with one teacher to assist me in maintaining discipline?"
She smiled very sweetly. "Yes, I have decided that Ratna will do the morning circle everyday because she does it very well. The paretns have been telling me how much the children are learning. They are very happy, so you will do the morning circle everyday and Ant can be with you to maintain discipline."
Stl's face was a picture to look at.
"But then who will be outside to recieve the late comers? It is very disturbing when the late coming parents keep opening the door to let their children in." She protested somewhat feebly.
"Stl, It is more disturbing to do a morning circle alone with 20 children with some of them crying , talking and even fighting." I answered loftily.
"Yes," Said Mrs, Wlz. "That's why Ant can be with you and you will do the morning circle and so long as Gl is here she can be outside to recieve the latecomers. Okay?"

I requested Mrs Wlz to talk to me in private. She took me inside a large toilet. I told her how and what Ant had been doing the whole day.
"Yes, I know. My daughter told me everything. I can't understand why these people don't understand their priorities. And, I have never said they can leave children alone, unattended. Nor have I ever said that you let wrong things happen thinking it is not your business. If you see something wrong, immediately inform me- immediately. Okay? Its is ridiculous of Stl to thing it is not your business. Right work should be everyone's business. The problem is we can't tell Ant to go right now. Your group is already without a leader and if she also goes there would be no one who understands the procedure of how somethings are done over here. So keep your cool and don't tense up. From mid September, we are going to have another teacher; she is very good, has lots of experience and age and she speaks four languages, English, Portuguese, French and Russian. We have to bear in silence till then, you understand?"
I nodded.
"I am aware now of a lot of wrong doings in school and Ant in particular, but we need our time. We have to take her slow. Meantime, if she does anything wrong, you must stop her immediately. Okay?"

I am glad I talked to her. At least I know she understands me and my intentions, because the way Stl was talking to me, I felt I was doing something wrong.

my new job and horrors within

After a lot of struggle with my inner self, I have decided to reopen my blog for the time being.

I joined this international kindergarten in mid july. First they called me for a trial day. They liked me very much and I was told to join from the very next day on the same salary and also the same working hours just like my previous job; however the good points are H can also be in the same school absolutely free of cost, I am provided with a job card which means I can travel through out the whole city and the state free of cost and have also been promised a salary increment after six months. Probably the biggest convenience for me that the bus which takes me to the school and back takes only ten minutes and is available right on my doorstep as well as the school's doorstep, so it means, I just have to hop out of the main door and into the bus.

This school is large, really large. It has a total of twelve groups, each group having  two German and one English teacher and at least twenty children of mixed age group. Each group has a sort of suite with three- four rooms disposed for their use, a large play park and regular monthly visits are made to forest, river, fire station etc. for educational purpose.

Sar is the group leader, a thin as a match stick, sickly looking tall twenty seven year old woman. The second is An, an elderly woman nearly fifty or more years of age, having a loud, clear, powerful voice. I am replacing Gy, a British woman, again in her late twenties or early thirties, a nice person enough.

The first two weeks I nearly died due to the colossus amount of work and menial work at that. It didn't take me long to realize that my group teachers, both Sar, An as well as Gy were being mean to me by consciencelessly slumping the whole work on my shoulders alone whilst they themselves did nothing, or as good as nothing. They  made me change the diapers of all ten children three times a day, and alone, fetch heavy lunch boxes from the kitchen alone ( in this school the kitchen is in another building and requires climbing ten flight of steps to and fro, meanwhile opening/ unlatching 4 heavy doors while you are holding a 1.5 sq ft plastic box full of scalding hot, liquidy food, and a small another box for dessert ), carry back to the same kitchen the box containing used dishes, clean them in machine, wipe them dry, then bring them back to the group and arrange on the shelf, sweep the class, clean the dust the classroom, make beds for the children and tidy up after them and the list went on and on and on.
I was seriously confused if I was hired here as a teacher or a cleaner. I just wanted to quit or blow up the place.

Then bigger revelations started unfolding one by one very soon.

I realized the teachers over here, well at least in my group, did NOTHING. They had no concept of morning circle. They just made the children say good morning in a dead sleepy tones in four languages, asked what was the day today, then discussed what was going to be done today and morning circle got over.
They were horribly horribly harsh and strict with the children, never loving them, lifting them up in arms, always scolding them harshly, screaming at them every five minutes, punishing them for any small offence (even like crying or making noise) by giving them 'Time Out' i.e. making them sit outside for fifteen minutes to even half an hour and not doing ANY academics with them. Once, a small child who was on potty training wet his pants. They were so angry, they ordered that he stay in wet clothes the whole to realize his mistake.

I am so terribly sad...

I don't know how many tears I have been shedding secretly since yesterday. I dare not let S know I am crying. He will feel so bad.

I'm no longer required to wake up at five in the morning and rush through morning chores..., I smell my school Tshirts and fold them lovingly. I will never part from them and save them as precious relics. No longer checking the school mails or plan the weekly lessons now. It's tragic!

There's a constant lump stuck in my throat and I can't help but cry. I am missing the school so much. I am missing myself. I am not the same person anymore. I feeling so lost and desolate. I can feel a huge void in my heart, in my very life which can only be filled by another school.

I have mailed Mtn and told him the whole thing. I was afraid he might think I have been fired.

My May salary still hasn't been paid. I also need my experience certificate. I rang the school and talked to Mr. She convinced me this would be done.

Later I received a call from Stf that my police certificate is needed. I don't have one so now I have to go to go to school tomorrow, collect her personal letter for the state office then go to the state office to apply for the certificate as soon as possible.....

My Last Day

I rejoined the school today after nearly one and a half month.

As always, I was so excited to be going to school that I woke up at four a.m. instead of five. To board the  train to school, to alight at the station, to walk the long distance to school was inexplicably an emotional affair. I am still not completely okay so I need to walk a bit slowly in order to avoid any movement pain in my stomach. The only things I could think of was the school and what new things would I find there. One and a half month is really a long time..

I met everyone. They were so glad to see me back. Even the new Greek teachers whom I met today for the first time were all giving me hugs and asking how I was and that they were glad I was back. The parents were glad too and asked about me. That Ls's mother just kept repeating and repeating that she was very happy to see me back; she must have said this at least 8-9 times in just one minute! I felt flattered really.

Stfn is still not back from her Canada love vacation. She will come back probably on Thursday. I met Ant. the new Greek teacher in my group. She is a young girl and truly fitted the description given to me by Asy. She doesn't know anything about kindergarten or even young children and doesn't make much effort to learn it too and handles parents as one does strange unknown people in the lift or in the train; otherwise she is really a very nice, warm, loving person. She told me how horrid Stfn has been to her since her first day in the school. She didn't guide her about anything, didn't tell her anything, and made her do all the cleaning, diaper changing stuff  all the time. She didn't even tell her how to make the lesson plans or do morning circles. She told me how jittery she was in handling the class all alone when Asy quit unexpectedly and Stfn simultaneously went on her vacation.

There was a new child in our class: a fourteen months old girl Vct who cannot walk without support yet.
It was her first day of school in her life and her mother was very anxious about so many issues a parent can have. At the end of the day when I had fully guided her and explained to her the working of the kindergarten  and settled little Vct to quite an extent, her mother was very reassured, satisfied and pleased.and told me she was very very happy with me and felt nice to have chosen this kindergarten. There was genuine happiness and pleasure on her face.
There was another new face in my group: a two and a quarter month old Indian boy Anc. His parents are a little worried about him because he hasn't started speaking yet. It was already past nine a.m. so I couldn't talk to them; however I promised to discuss this issue with them in detail during the home time. In course of the day I noticed that he is utterly lacking in all kinds of discipline. He needs to be spoonfed, can't stay at one place, keeps playing with toys all the time or he will yell the place the down and keeps running away as the fancy comes to him. Basically he does what he wants and refuses to listen. You may keep yelling his name a hundred times without him even looking once in your direction. Maybe he is unfamiliar with his name. I heard from Ant that his parents insist he be spoon fed and personally attended to in every aspect.

I handed over my yellow slips from 10th of May to 15th of June to Mr. She ominously told me that I should talk to Stf today at 12 0'clock.

I rang Stf and informed her that I had joined the school from today.
"What about your transfer plans?"
"I still do not know. My husbands's company has to final this at the end of this month."
I need to tell you something." She began solemnly. I think I knew what was coming now. "You see, you do not know if you will stay here in this city or not. This is a very difficult situation for me as I have to be sure about my teachers. Therefore I have decided that you should go off work now. I have already appointed another teacher in your place. If you don't get transferred and stay in this city then maybe you can come back to us in September when the new academic session begins."

It took me only one tenth of a second to realize that she was actually firing me...but the fact that it actually suits me considering the situation of my current health and the imminent plan of transfer, I, in fact, liked her decision and agreed immediately with her.

"I need one more favor from you." She requested. "I want you to write a mail to all the parents telling that you cannot continue due to your bad health so that they don't panic and thunder that you have been unduly fired. And I want to tell you that I am so grateful to you for your honesty and truthfulness. I am so glad that you had told me in advance so I was prepared for it. Thank you so much for being so nice."

So today is my last day here! I said to myself a little over ten times to be really sure. I had never before considered how and when my last day would come about....What do I need to do now?
Collect my things, H's things, say goodbye to everyone....really? Is it all over so soon?

I caught hold of Mks. In the whole school today, he was the only one I could talk to; the others are either all new or just don't understand English, Mk being absent today.
I took him to the sleeping room where the children were sleeping.
"I am leaving." I blurted.
"Whatttt?"
"Today is my last day. I just talked to Stf and she told me."
"That stupid woman!" He cried. "No. It just can't be. Is she firing you because you were absent for so long? That's illegal. You have your medical papers. She can't fire you."
"Well, she is not firing me. I mean it's not exactly firing. My stay in this city is uncertain. I might get transferred. She can't handle the uncertainty. She has to be sure. If everything is okay and I after all don't get transferred, then I may as well come back in September."
"How can you be so cool about this? This is downright firing and illegal. She can't lay you off in this manner. She needs to give you due notice or pay you two months salary. I can't imagine you leaving in this way. You are the most qualified and experienced teacher in the whole school and above all such a nice creature. You are the best teacher I have ever seen. They can't fire you like this."
"Don't be upset-"
"-I am not upset. I am flabbergasted. I can't imagine you leaving the school like this. We need you. I need you. I have never seen another person as nice as you are."
"Mks, it's okay. I am fine with this decision. Don't get Stf wrong. I think she is right in doing like this. And above all it sort of suits me. I am not angry with her. I agree with her decision."
"You are not angry with her- that is your decision. I am angry with her that is mine. She is plain stupid. She is a horrible person. She doesn't know what she is doing. I hate her sometimes. She is firing you just to save a few bucks. How horrible! I am going to fight with her and ask her how or why she did this to you. Why can't she let you remain till you have to leave?"
"No, please don't fight. I am okay with this, I repeat. Why should you fight then?"
He got up and hugged me affectionately. "You have been so good and kind to me. I value your company so much. I need you. I can't let you go like this."

It was half past one.
I collected my things from my classroom and H's things from his basket. Then it was time to say goodbye to everyone now. Everyone was shocked to hear that I was leaving. Izb told me she is leaving in one month too as she can't handle this weird place anymore. She suggested that I try to get a job in another kindergarten. She knows of one place where there is a vacancy for English teachers : "LG" Yes! The same place where As, Mz, My are working and where Stfn had also planned to go but refrained.
Both Mk and Ndn were absent today so I missed talking to Mk.

In the last I went to greet Mr.
"Have you talked to Stf already?" I asked her. She nodded meaningfully.
"So you won't come from tomorrow?"
"No. Today is my last day." I smiled.
"Are you okay?" She asked me.
"Yes, of course."
"You are sure okay?"
"But yes. I am completely okay. Why?"
"Mks is crying like a child for you 'Meine freudin, meine beste freundin...Tell him you are okay otherwise he will fight with me and keep crying.."

I went to him and he clung to me in an affectionate hug.
"I am so sorry you are going. I will miss you so much." Then I said bye to him and he hugged me again and then when I started going he came forward and hugged me again.
"Don't worry, we shall stay in touch. For all I know I might just come back in September."

When I reached home I just smsed him requesting him not to feel bad on my account as I was okay with this decision. He immediately replied back in a lovely long string of nine smses.

"This is terrible. You are one of the best teachers I've ever worked with. You are an incredible person and we will miss you!!!! I will miss you so much;( I think of you as a friend:(

I'm losing a wonderful coworker and a kind friend:( that's why I'm so upset by this.

But if you feel it is right thing then I will not fight against it.

I will miss you so much;(

You have a very good place in my heart and thank you for all you've done for me/us.

You really are a kind and lovely person.

I will keep praying for you! Love you too. Mks

Thus comes to an end my wonderful time at this kindergarten. I never knew my two year long stay in this pretty little kindergarten would come to such an  abrupt end. I have enjoyed every single minute of it. Every moment spent here is special to me and memorable. I can never forget my experience here. Now that I am no longer a part of it, makes me feel as if I have lost something from deep inside me, something that I have left there, something of the school that I have carried back within me and will probably never lay it away anywhere ever.
I am a part of that school; that school is a part of me.

I know nobody will understand these sentiments. Nobody needs to. These sentiments are so foolish, well stupid almost, but that's me.

A Chat with Mks

My health is steadily improving. I still cannot walk fast though, lift anything, stoop or sit on floor or any low seat as I start getting the pains again. I went to my doctor today for the final check up and she told me I was fit to go to work now though mustn't exert myself beyond my present feeble strength.

I shall start going to school again from Monday next week!

I am excitedly looking forward to going to school again but somehow I am haunted by strange unknown fears in my heart. I do hope everything is okay in school.

I rang the school and informed Mr in fragile German that I would be coming to school from Monday.

Then Mks rang me.
He was so happy to hear that I was joining again. He started rattling off in his characteristic nonstop chatter.
"You will find changes everywhere in the school." He warned. "Stfn is on a holiday. There is a new English teacher Ant in your place currently to look after your group. Stfn and Ant don't get along with each other at all! Stfn is giving Ant a very bad time! When I learnt that Stfn had to stay in this school, I went up to her and apologized to her for my behavior and told her that if we are to be colleagues than we had better talk and solve all our differences rather than give each other trouble. I told her how some people find some of her habits so abominable and that she should change herself. Mr is very unpopular. Nobody likes her. And she talks soooo much. The state educational authority did several inspections in school and have forced Stf to abide by their rules such as we can't accept children under two years old. Accordingly, from next academic session in September there shall be no baby group in the school. Therefore Ndn who was baby group teacher will take over as German teacher of Mz's group and Stfn shall remain the German teacher of my group instead of getting back to the baby group as planned before. The remaining two English teachers in the baby group will probably be thrown out.
There's a new child admitted in your group who is spoilt rotten and another one coming who is just fourteen months old. You will have plenty of fun."

Ll's greeting card

Today I received a mail in my mail box which was addressed to me. When I opened it I found it was Ll's 'Get Well Soon' card for me with her beautiful picture stuck on the front and colored by her on the inside.

I couldn't check my tears! I became so emotional to have a simple card from my little student wishing me to get well soon. I wish I had her address or email id so that I could reply back or at least to tell her how moved I was to get that card and how nice that card made me feel.

This card is very special to me, precious almost. I shall always preserve it carefully like a valuable treasure...!

My replacement or what?

I have a habit of checking the school's mail inbox ten times a day. Today when I checked it I nearly fell off my chair. There is a weekly plan written in English posted by a Greek teacher Ant, about whom Asy had told me before.

She has introduced herself in the mail as the new English teacher for my group and made the plan for the week as Stfn is away on a holiday for two weeks!

Have they already fired me or plan to? This looks ominous...I am feeling very frightened suddenly. Mtn had mentioned in his mail that there are very special rules in Germany for firing someone when the person concerned is sick and on sick leave; he had also assured me that he or the committee would support me in case of any danger to my job because of being sick. As yet I don't know if I have to leave the school. Suppose I didn't get transferred as expected and also became out of job? What then?

Asy has left the kindergarten

Life these days is at a stand still so to speak. For me really at a grinding halt. S's sister and her husband are at a visit to our house. The only thing that I am required to do is either to rest myself or plan where they could go for sight seeing. There is tremendous improvement in my condition, enough to stir myself outside the bed but still not enough to undertake work outside.

Yesterday Asy rang me to tell me that she has left the kindergarten! Today was her last day there.

All along these days Stf, the boss was not talking to her but was ringing her boyfriend late every night just to tell him how bad she (Asy) was at work. Her boyfriend kept telling her that if she had any problem with her, she should talk to her directly but she totally avoided confronting Asy at work.

Today, her boyfriend decided to meet her himself. Both Asy and he walked into the school. Stf was in her office drinking her coffee. When she saw both of them, she turned her back towards them haughtily saying that they didn't have appointment to talk to her. He tried talking to her but she got up and left the office. He was so enraged that he resolved that Asy would never enter this kindergarten again.
Asy's hopes of getting a certificate from this school are shattered. She had so desperately wanted it to make a decent career in this direction. I am so sorry for her...

Izb is also leaving the school. The reasons are more or less the same: she couldn't handle the strain and stress of a mismanaged place and a boss as eccentric as Timur Lang or Henry VIIIth.

Stfn is doing well. Asy told me that she was purchased back into this kindergarten by Stf paying for her round (love) trip to Canada where her boyfriend lives. So these days she is on her vacation to Canada to meet her boyfriend, the flight expenses have been neatly paid by Stf the generous boss to make her stay in the kindergarten.

I see, Mz and My had a reason for behaving the way they did....

Mail to Mtn and his reply

I was still smarting from the fact that here I have been battling serious health problems and meticulously informing the school why I can't come to work but the so called management hasn't even bothered to inform Stf about me, letting her believe that I am enjoying a vacation in India! Or could it be that Stf just feigned surprise and was actually aware of the whole thing but for some devious reason chose to conceal it? I can never be sure about her. I just hope the parents and the parents committee does not think like this.

There from my hospital bed, I sent a mail to Mtn telling him everything. His response, as always, was quick and prompt. He wrote back the next day telling me that I need not fear for my job as there are special rules in Germany to fire a worker when he is ill and on sick leave; should my job be in any danger, he and the committee would support me. He also offered to officially inform the parents of my group about my health condition just in case they do not know either just like Stf.

I am so grateful for his offer of  help and support. I declined however because I really think my job is not in any danger right now and because I do believe Asy has informed the parents already.

A formal mail coming from the parents committee might make some trouble...

In hospital again

I am in hospital again.
Even after a fortnight of operation, I wasn't recovering as fast as I should and since yesterday was developing stranger pains at and near the operation site. We decided to get checked up. The doctor found infection and got me immediately admitted for next four days to monitor and heal the infection, failing which I might have to undergo another operation!

In the morning, when there was no sign of this development anywhere on the horizon, I rang the school just to find out about some holidays next week. Mr picked up the phone and couldn't understand the simple English that I wanted to talk to Mk. After some struggle, she harped on the word Mk and handed the phone to Mks.

He was happy to hear from me. He informed me that the next whole week is a holiday. And then he informed me further:
"Hey, I have news for you. Stfn is not leaving the school, finally."
"What?" I jumped happily. "That's a good news for the school." I exclaimed.
"No, it's not." He snorted disdainfully." I am pissed off that she is staying. It is not funny that she has been telling everyone that she was quitting only to declare on her farewell day that she is after all not quitting. She is a horrid creature."
I had completely forgotten about this situation between Mks and Stfn...

I obtained Stf's number from him so that I could talk to her about my leave situation and then rang her twice but she didn't pick up the phone. Half an hour later, she called me back. When she heard my voice on phone she cried in complete surprise,
"You? Are you alive?"

She was astounded to know why I was absent since so many days, and I was doubly so to know she didn't know it although the whole school did. In fact she had been believing that either I had gone to India or just left. Talk about management!
I told her everything and she told me in return that Stfn has been coaxed to stay and now probably both Ndn and Mk also won't leave the school as planned.

Then I went to the hospital and got admitted so unexpectedly.

ASy rang me.
She told me yesterday they had a staff meeting which was addressed by Chr, who is Stf's personal acquaintance and friend and who played the part of St. Nikolaus so memorably. He talked or rather counselled all the teachers as to how they should rise above their personal lives in order to be dedicated teachers and how the whole school is a brand new place now without Mz and My. He requested the staff to come to him if they have a problem.

Asy was growing angrier every minute. She told him that there is no problems within the staff and everybody is very nice and supportive for each other but it is the management that is at fault; for example the management discusses her career decisions with everyone except her and all efforts on her part are foiled for a direct conversation.

Next Izb opened up. She started telling everybody in tears how Stf has forced one new Greek teacher to live with her in her single room apartment, without her consent. She doesn't find the experience of being forced to share her single room with someone she doesn't know, very pleasant; the worst part is, that roommate in question, being a new foreigner in this country, plagues her with nonstop questions about the country, city as well as the school which gives her a lot of stress and makes her feel as if she is still working in school instead of relaxing at home. She started crying.

I heard through Asy that Mks is up to his tricks again. He tries to slop his work on other's shoulders on one excuse or the other. He often requests/ demands Asy to clean his wagon( on which we load children's food and utensils and have to clean up after eating) and overtake his duty in the sleeping room when he has to go for break. Technically, he has his break time later but he often used to do the same thing with me when my sleeping room was in the science lab, making me do almost double work every single day. Asy, didn't like it and she straight away told him that this was his job and he should do it rather than asking her everyday to do so.

Now, I know, Mks will never like this reply. He is sure to go to Stf and complain against Stf that Asy is so bad that she doesn't work.

Ah, yes. In the morning Mks had told me how upset he was to know that Stfn is not leaving. In the afternoon however, barely two hours later, he went up to Stfn and said he wanted to apologize for believing some other teachers who kept saying that she was a bad teacher. He has now realised that she is a very good teacher and he is glad that she is staying. And then he kept talking to her in private for whole one hour!

I hope he wasn't telling Stfn that it was I who had been telling him that she was a bad teacher!

Flood from Greece

Bless dear Asy! If it weren't for her, I would never discover all that's going on in school in picturesque detail. Yesterday she rang me and related to me everything.

I was wrong to speculate that Stfn has left already; she hasn't and is very much coming to school in her usual 'Don't ask me to move my butts' style. All my parents have been asking Asy about what has happened to me and when will I come back. They all show plenty of concern and sympathy for me.
The new German teacher from Greece who has joined just two/three days back and is supposed to replace Stfn in my group, is so far hopeless according to Asy's observations. To begin with the very beginning, she does not know German! She had problems understanding and replying to simple German questions asked by Asy. She doesn't know what to do with the children and keeps static and dumb most of time; coupled with Stfn who gets permanently glued to where ever she happens to sit once, poor Asy is having a hard time in the group having to run on her toes all the time.
Poor Jr has also been promoted to Mks' group. He kept weeping and whimpering the whole day frightened to his core by Mks's hundred screamings at him for crying. Mr, the manager was also angry with him for crying without trying to understand a sensitive three year old's subtle mind and emotions.
The rest of the school is doing far worse.

There's an alarming flood of Greek teachers in school - soon to transform into a devastating tsunami. Stf, the genius of this century, has discovered a Greek agency which provides teachers to her on cheap wages. Result? Cheap service and zero outcome.  Most of them landed in the school straight from the airport along with their suitcases. Stf just imports them into Germany like slave cargo, puts them up in cheap student hostel type lodgings and complacently enjoys their grateful services. As described by the girls themselves ( and Stf too, to tell the whole world how benevolent she is) their lodgings are no bigger than a shoe box and have one shower/toilet amongst twenty fellow lodgers! This Mr, our new manager was moved to a room that was so dirty and lacking in comfort that Stf herself brought her personal cleaner to clean the room and provided cushions and blankets to her just to let her believe that she was indeed a human and not an unfortunate chicken in a one square inch pen. I am sure Stf pays them less than 500 or 600 per month with free lodgings. Hence the poor girls, far from complaining, actually feel grateful and indebted to her for being so kind and generous. In the circumstances, they are likely never to run away from this school and in all probability must live under the constant danger of getting sent back to their country on slightest displeasure from the boss.

There was an English teacher in the school, from Africa, who was appointed here in February and was working in the baby group with Ndn and Mchl. I am told, she is being fired without notice to make way for a cheap one from Greece. My own replacement, without doubt, will also be a cheap Greek...

With this sort of economy and austerity measures what can one expect as results? None of these Greek imports can speak the decent minimum proper German or English which is required in a school as very instructors of these languages. Asy reported to me that the school has commenced looking like a native Greek establishment instead of a German English Kindergarten with six of them talking to each other in Greek and struggling in German/English with the students and parents! The manager keeps yelling at every teacher in the school and gets a heart attack if a parent on phone cannot speak or understand German; she keeps begging them to speak in German or dashes from classroom to classroom in search for someone who knows English...

I could puke with disgust at this state of affairs in my beloved school....Not that I am against Greece or Greeks or some such stuff. I am sure they are good teachers and hold excellent academic degrees and all. But surely, isn't there a world of difference between appointing selected teacher personnel on account of their education, expertise and required qualification/ experience, and, stuffing teachers like cotton in a pillow regardless whether their capabilities match the requirements of the institution or not?

I wonder how the parents digest this, if they digest it at all. As a parent I would never want to send my child to a school where he won't be able to learn even native German in Germany. As a teacher of this school, I suddenly do not want to go there again. I love my school and I find it deplorable how Stf is ruining the pounds to save her pennies. I wish this school shuts up now. I had been whining over my proposed relocation but I am suddenly very happy about it. I am glad I would soon cease to be part of this sickening situation.

I am glad I am leaving...

Asy is angry with Stf

Asy had something shocking to tell me.

Last Friday night, Asy's boy friend ( while they both were together) received a call from Stf who wanted to talk about Asy with him.
"I am sorry to tell you that I will have to fire Asy as she is all the time ill and doesn't come to school regularly."
"Why don't you talk about this matter to Asy herself? After all it is regarding her job." Her boy friend answered a bit angrily.
"No, no. Asy is a very good girl. She works very hard. The problem is, the educational department of the city has directed me to not to employ any teacher who is not qualified. That's why I might have to terminate her job because she is not qualified."

At hearing this her boyfriend flew into a rage.
"You are telling me two stories, Stf. Tell me which one is correct, the former or the latter?"
Stf started purring like a cat and implored him to not to tell her anything about this conversation.
"Why not? She is my girl friend and you are suggesting that I should lie to her? Okay, I give you one hour time. You ring Asy and tell her all this. If you don't tell her withing an hour, I will tell her everything. agreed?"

Both Asy and her boyfriend kept waiting for the phone to ring but no call came.

Asy was in a rage! The next day in school, she accidentally bumped into Stf and caught her glaring at her (Asy ) in clear, pronounced hatred on her face. Asy overlooked that and greeted her coolly but Stf didn't reply. She greeted again but again no reply. Asy then walked up to her, turned her by the shoulders and punched a loud "Hello".
"Hello"
"Stf, we need to talk. I am coming back in five minutes to talk to you"
"Okay."

After five minutes, there was no sign of Stf in the school - she had left.

Asy is angry with Stf for a variety of reasons, the biggest one: she uses the subject of Asy as a handsome excuse to creep closer to her boyfriend. If she has any problem with her, why doesn't she talk directly to her? Why does she have to call her boyfriend at odd hours of the night and then request him to keep their conversations a secret from Asy? This is just not right.

She too, doesn't want to go to this school anymore. She is desperate because she needs the certificate Stf has promised to give which will help her get a decent job in any school.

I have advised her to maintain her cool and not to confront Stf over these matters as this may anger her and then she might decide to fire Asy altogether.

Wondering what's happening in school...

A lot must be happening up there at school. I am still at home recovering from my recent ordeal and becoming torn between the two spheres of mine, the one in school and the other one at home. Like any greedy person I want to have both.

A quick look at the school's website reveals to me that Stfn has also quit the kindergarten now - without receiving a farewell and without completing her notice period according to which she had to stay till the end of May; can Nn's episode have something to do with this? She has been already replaced by a Greek M.Ed teacher Prm. That means the girl who was friend of Stf and Athn's mother and was promising to help Stf out by replacing Stfn won't come anymore. Its funny because her introduction along with her snap had been flashing publicly since long on the school's website before finally disappearing without having materialized.

So much will have changed in just a span of two and half weeks! Eighteenth of May was supposed to be the last day for Jrn. I will never see him now...! Ksh of my group had to pass on to Mks' group. I had myself scheduled his farewell party for last week. Today would also be Onm's birthday and farewell party. He won't come to this school anymore from tomorrow. Tomorrow will also be Asy's birthday party in school....I wonder if Asy has resumed going to the school or not. I hope her health is better now.

I wonder how my group has been faring without any of it's three teachers present or with only one teacher and that too just brand new who probably does not know how to function yet in a German kindergarten. I did request Ndn to inform my group's parents about my predicament but I am not sure if she did; I don't trust her somehow despite having any concrete base for suspicion. I am sure the parents are largely pissed off and bone weary of a crashed and crippled system and teachers who go-a missing so often whatever their reasons may be.

While here at home everything is topsy turvy too. H feels bored at home. We are trying hard to arrange S' sister/brother in law's visit to us but Visa issue has been muddled and we don't know if they will be able to make it. Meantime, we are also trying to get ready for our transfer. We have already given termination notice to our phone/internet connection and house rental contract and have begun hunting for a house, a new school for H and a new kindergarten job for myself in the new city. To tell the truth, I am least hopeful...

God knows what will happen and where all this will take us.....

Emotional detachment from school

So I am on two weeks medical leave recovering from my unfortunate ectopic pregnancy and wondering what's happening in the world outside or most importantly; my school!

Just prior to my falling so suddenly so sick, I had made huge plans to celebrate the mother's day in the kindergarten in a unique way. The day Stfn had returned and I had left the school early in order to attend my appointment with my gynec, I had gone to the stationary shop and bought stickers, card construction papers, wrapping paper and several other materials for gift making. I had already obtained family pictures and mother's pictures from all the parents and had planned that children would stick their mother's picture on to a big red construction paper and make a collage design by sticking 'I Love You' cut outs from a special wrapping paper which had 'I love You' printed on it as design. This would be like a wall hanging Photo. Further more, I had planned to make a Happy Mother's Day greeting card on a special stiff glossy golden construction paper by sticking bright yellow velvet flowers, bright green velvet leaves, sticker butterflies and sticker hearts. Still further, I had planned to shoot and send videos of all the children singing a short mother's song for their mother and individually saying "I love you mama!" through the email.
All great plans to the trash bin now...!

I did hear, through Asy of course, that Stfn has has gone on leave from the kindergarten again, this time for performing some last rituals for her deceased grand mother. Asy herself has not been going to the school as she developed a painful hearing problem in her ear and also because Stf's attitude bothered her so much. She doesn't want to set foot in this kindergarten again because of Stf but probably she will come round in a day or so. I wonder who managed my class and how in the absence of all the three teachers of my group missing at the same time.

The website of the school has now only two old teachers to flaunt about: Mk and myself. Mr from Greece is on number one as she is the manager. Shockingly, there are nearly six or more new Greek teachers from Greece too. Asy had leaked this news to me that Stf has hired a Greek agency which is helping her in providing cheap teachers. At this rate however, our school would soon turn into a Greek one.

I am myself experiencing a strange detachment from this school now, something which I hadn't thought possible a few days ago. Uptill now I had been feeling guilty at being constrained to leave the school at a crucial time, but not now anymore. The day Asy told me Stf is back on her previous practice of blindly committing blunders, I lost all my sympathies with her. In about one and a half month, I shall be heading to another city with a complete set of another problems and situations to think about than a school whose owner has more interest in coveting other's boyfriends or spending long exotic romantic vacations with fresh new partners every time than thinking about the running of the school and which she accomplishes by appointing cheaply paid inefficient people and allows the school and the aspirations of the parents, teachers and the children to flow down the drains like gutter waste.

People like Stf never learn anything; they don't need to; they have enough money to just enjoy the comforts and joys a rich life has to offer much like fish enjoy being in water, without bothering about anything else on the planet. What a waste of life!

Asy's Plight

I have finally returned back home after spending four uncomfortable days in the hospital. H has also returned back home after living in N, Bhv's house for the same period of time. We all marvel at his ability of doing so without the least resistance; it is something unusual for such young children to stay away from their parents in such situations.

Today I rang the school and informed Marcel, who first picked up the phone and told him everything; knowing that it was a feminine problem, he discreetly gave the phone to Ndn whom I told in a bit of detail what exactly had happened to me. I just got an uncomfortable feeling that Ndn has also fallen out with me due to my falling out with Stfn.

Asy rang me to find out how I was. Today we had a very personal chat and I discovered so many shocking news that I am still tingling with sensation. It has given me something else to think about other than my stinging stitches

Asy's boy friend was Stf's boy friend twenty years ago. Then they broke up and each went their own way, ending up in each other's orbit in the present scenario. He is a very rich man and has lent some amount of money to Stf in setting up the kindergarten. Because of his obligations, he requested her to employ Asy in the kindergarten on a minimal salary of just 600 Euros/- a month although she has no teaching qualification or even school degree. Her modelling career isn't exactly thriving and because of no other professional qualification she is in danger of becoming totally unemployed. Stf had promised her boyfriend that at the end of Asy's one year in this school, she would give her a certificate that would enable her to get some decent employment in any school. Asy herself had started working here because she desperately needs that certificate and was doing her best to help Stf in all the ways she could in her position. A few days ago, she had a big fight with her boy friend and broke up for a short time while Asy went to live somewhere else. Later when they patched up and got together again, she learnt that Stf all the time had been talking ill to Asy about her boyfriend but at the same would ring him up every day any time of the day or night, often late at night at around three a.m. and would suggest he and she should go together on an exotic holiday for some days just to relax and just like friends.

Asy, despite being so very young and stunningly beautiful  feels very alone and insecure with this current state of affairs. Stf is trying to (or tried to) set her cap on Asy's fiance and Asy herself is growing older with nothing substantial in her hands, neither a solid career, nor a solid relationship. So far as I can read between the lines, I think she deliberately chose an old and aged boyfriend because of her dire financial straits. To support herself she has also worked as a cleaner once. She desperately wants to get married to someone rich and stable in life to end her woes. This would be possible in her current relationship with her boyfriend by having a child with him but even that hope has been thrice blighted.

She was sobbing on phone. I tried to console her as best I was capable of.  Considering how Stf is trying to damage her relationship with her boyfriend and was actually suggesting to have a romantic jaunt with him makes her hate Stf. She can't bear to look at her without being reminded of her diabolical nature. But she desperately needs the certificate which means she has to continue working here. Stf has made it painfully clear that Asy is not important to her and that she is neither capable of any work in the kindergarten except cleaning soiled diapers, nor anywhere else.

She also told me some stunning stories about her very troubled childhood regarding her past life memories. I am not writing them here in order to keep them confidential. When I heard them I was truly stunned but I fully believe her. I am so sorry for her. I will pray to God to help her.

I am in hospital

The day this episode with Stfn and Nn's news of leaving ocurred, I hadn't the faintest idea how the day was going to end for me.

I went home, drank my coffee, mailed Jr and Fr's birthday party pictures to all the parents all along having acute pain in my abdomen. I had been experiencing sharp pain in my belly since the morning but I had just carried on with it hoping it would subside. In fact since since two or more weeks I had been getting sharp mysterious pains. I had already consulted my urologist who ruled out kidney stone and my gynecologist too had confirmed there was nothing wrong despite my having abnormal bleeding.
Little by little, the pain started growing so badly that I lay down clutching my belly and crying in pain. The pain steadily kept increasing. I was abnormally thirsty, drank 7-8 glasses of water but was not able to pee.
I was afraid now something was wrong. I rang S who was in his German class at that time. When he came back home, I had nearly started collapsing.
He quickly called a taxi, bundled H asleep in his nightsuit and we went in emergency. They checked for the stone everywhere but couldn't find it. Instead they found that I was pregnant! They shifted me in an ambulance to another hospital where I was diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy which needed surgery right away.

I was operated at about 1.30 in the night to remove the ectopic pregnancy and now I have to remain in the hospital for four days, today being the third day. We had to leave H with N and Bhv. They are taking good care of H. They even drop H and Bhv together to school and pick them up together. Both Bhv and H are together enjoying themselves and having the time of their life.
I hope to recover as fast as I am capable of but I know that this surgery will be a great speed breaker for me. I am still trying to recover from the shock that I had been actually two months pregnant without either my knowing it or even my gynecologist who is supposed to know or at least to check me for pregnancy. Right now I am just thankful that my tubes didn't rupture; I had come very close to doing just that.

I have been prescribed two weeks rest which sounds like two centuries. And at the end of two weeks, S's sister and her husband are coming for a visit of fifteen days. We had been making vigrorus plans of sight seeing with them. Now with this surgery I feel so dampened that I may not be able to do all that I had planned to. It might even strain me beyond my capacity.

And then, as soon as they will leave, it will be time for us to move to new city where S has to join his new company!

So much is happening so soon...

Brawl between Asy and Stf

Asy rang me to find out how I was. We started talking about my health and but naturally drifted on to the subject of school. She had something shocking to tell me and I was eager to know.

Asy has had a fight with Stf - over the new manager!
While Asy reported that the manager isstarting out totally tactless, Stf out rightly refused to believe her by saying she was excellent and hardworking and she just loved her. Her reasons for believing Mr? Mr herself came and reported everything negative/positive to Stf, painted the whole character sketch of every single teacher, discussed the stupidity of different gifts made by different groups, spoke about Asy in glowing terms saying Asy is such a wonderful teacher (when in fact Asy is not a teacher, does no teaching work in class and was the one giving pert replies to her) and proposed a fatal sounding plan of having regular staff meetings every Friday instead of every second Thursday as we have it right now.

"This is not right, Stf." Warned Asy, "You are committing the same mistake again - of believing blindly in just one person and not listening to the others too. You did the same thing with As, Mz and My and now you are doing it again."
"You know nothing about teaching, managing or Mr." Retorted Stf insultingly. "You are not a teacher. You cannot judge what's right and wrong for a kindergarten. I have complete trust in Mr; she is very highly educated and experienced. She is right to suggest that every group should have made the same gift for mother's day and also to have meetings every Friday. She is very very nice. She was saying all nice things about you which surprises me because you are speaking so badly for her. Mk is also very happy with her and can't say enough in her praise."

Asy knows why Mr was speaking nicely about her; because Asy had introduced herself as Stf's friend! Who newly appointed worker would be so foolish as to start by talking ill of his boss's friend to no other than his boss himself? We also know why Mk was praising Mr; because Mk is an ambitious man. He is worming his way steadily deep into Stf's confidence by saying things to her which she wants to hear and he doesn't mean. We all know he was as much pissed off by Mr's insulting manner of speaking as any of us yet he went to Stf and sang hymns in praises of the same instead of plainly telling her what had happened!

I wouldn't be surprised if Mk turns out to be Stf's next new boyfriend. Stf is forty seven and Mk is twenty seven!

Stfn is horrible

Today while I was getting the mother's day craft activity done by the children, Stfn casually told me that Nn is leaving the kindergarten.
"What? Why? When?" I cried.
"Yes, she is leaving though not immediately but at the end of June, just one month before the summer holidays."
"How do you know?"
"I came to know about this just two days ago."
"Just two days ago?" I echoed disbelievingly. "Great! You joined the school just two days after a really really long holiday and you came in at 9 0' clock and got this news? You have been in possession of this information since two days and did not once consider that you should tell me?
"Err...no, I mean I learnt this information while I was away on my leave."
"Really? But you yourself confessed to me that you were so distraught with grief that you switched off your mobile, shut off your computer and were not in touch with anybody at all. You mean, even at that time you entertained Nn's call?"
"Err no, no, it was before that, before I broke my tooth."
"Stfn, you have been absent from the school, off and on since more than a month. I find it insulting to believe that I was present in the school all the time but I didn't know this information, while you have been absent from the school since a really long time and yet you know it."
"Err, no, it was before that."
"Before what? You didn't think it was important for me to know since I am the group teacher?"

I felt I was on fire! I could almost feel myself going up in wild flames. I know she is very close and friendly with both Nn and Onm's mother. I had seen her talk to Nn's mother intimately on mobile and telling her everything that was happening and in fact Nn's mother was even calling her back on mobile. I know that Onm's mother discovered about her resignation long before anyone in the school knew and that was the reason behind her withdrawing Onm away from this school. There have been rumors in the school that Onm is going to the same kindergarten where Stfn has got her job, in fact he is going to be in Stfn's group.
It is not difficult to guess that she has been instigating the parents to withdraw their children from this school.

I asked her point blank:
"Stfn, I have heard Onm is joining the same kindergarten as you and will be in your group as well. Is this true?"
She nodded. Asy jumped up.
"But Stfn, today in the morning you were telling me that you didn't know that Onm was leaving; you discovered just yesterday?"

She had no answer to give to us...!

I was so disgusted with her. She calls herself professional and does everything that is not. She cribs about others doing wrong things or unpleasant things but herself does the same. She thinks her friends don't support her but she herself has no idea how to behave with her friends. She is disgusting!

It was time for me to leave. I went to pick up H from Mk's class.
"I want to say something to you." Said I. "It's about Stfn. I am not complaining because if I wanted to complain I would go somewhere else. I just want to give vent to the pressure building up and blowing my head away. And you are the only one I can talk to in this way."
"What happened?" He asked perplexed.
"Nn is leaving. Its not such a big deal because children do keep leaving for one reason or the other. The point is Stfn is inventing white lies to me so horribly and I am not a pig head to take it." I blazed.
"Nn is leaving?"
"Yes. And she has been in possession of this news since two months or more, knows all the fine details of her leaving date and joining new place but has the guts to tell me that she discovered just two days ago. I know she has been instigating all the parents to leave the group. This is not right."

I turned to say bye to him but he glimpsed tears in my eyes and he hugged me silently knowing that I suffered great emotional pain due to Stfn's double behavior.
"I feel so sorry for you." He said comfortingly. "That Stfn is out of her mind. I am myself so angry with her because of same reasons."

I went to change my shoes and found Mks changing Enrq's diapers. He guessed I had been crying. He asked me what was wrong.
"You were right...about Stfn. I was wrong. I eat my words."
"What happened?"
"Nn is leaving."
"Whatt? That's not possible. Nn's parents are Stf's lawyers and close friends. If Nn is leaving Stf should be the first one to know and I am sure she doesn't."
"I know nothing about Nn's parents. As to they being friends with Stf, unfortunately they are greater friends with Stfn. I mean that's what I guess." I laughed wryly.
"Tell me the whole thing. How do you know Nn is leaving. I am sure if Stf comes to know this she would be very upset."
"Well, today Stfn told me she discovered this news two days ago but she is lying and actually she has known this since a long time. She has been instigating all the parents to leave."
"I am going to tell this to Stf right now."

Jr and Fr's birthday party

Today we celebrated Jr and Fr's birthday together in the usual way. We were three teachers together which rarely happens now. We sang birthday song in both the languages, presented them gifts, clapped their age and then had a grand party. Jr's mother had prepared special chocolate tipped waffle sticks which were yummy beyond expression.
 Jr's had special magical relight candles which just wouldn't go off and were emitting tiny sparkles. He was so sure of his capability, he kept blowing hard but finally gave up with an exasperated look on his face which made us laugh so much.
We noticed that despite having his big day, Fr looked unmistakably low and lethargic and not really happy. His mother had told us that his actual birthday was last Saturday, when he had a party and ate a lot of cakes which upset his stomach so much that he was in no condition to celebrate his birthday in school at all even after two days.
His mother had prepared a small chocolate cake with gems sticking on top like colorful polka dots. It looked lovely however when we tasted it we were astounded to find it was so so sugary that there was barely any trace of chocolate left; it tasted sickeningly sugary. What's worse, the middle part of the cake had caramel too!
It is shocking that Fr's mother is always very particular that Fr should not eat too much of sugar. She has several times expressed her concern over our kindergarten's frequent birthday parties as every party means just chocolate, sugar and junk stuff. She has specially instructed us to never let him have juice (no matter if the other children are having it ) and to give him only the tiniest piece of cake during parties. She even brings her own home prepared snack for him as she was not comfortable with the afternoon snack provided by the school which sometimes consist of sweet yogurt, biscuits etc. I could not imagine that she would prepare such a damn sugary cake for his own son. None of the teachers could handle more than a spoonful and nor could the children. Only Mnt ate a good portion while the others just nibbled at it.

Two hours later three of them pooped badly....!

Today, in the morning I met Mnt's mother. Mnt is the little two and a quarter year old child who immigrated to our group together with Nn and Stfn. Stfn used to argue with Mz, My and Stf that Mnt and Nn were so attached to her that they would not be able to stay without her, if she left the baby group. So Stf decided Stfn should bring Mnt and Nn along with her! How stupid! Both Mnt and Nn have been perfectly fine.

Mnt's mother was amazed at the changes in little Mnt. "She is speaking such a  lot of English at home now which she had never done before. She says the numbers 1,2,3,..., alphabets, even the days of the week which make us sit up in amazement. It is unbelievable! She keeps singing songs all the time at home and looks forward to coming to school every morning. She talks about you also."

I was very happy at this feed back.

New Revelation Today

I had now begun feeling seriously guilty about behaving badly with Stfn. I have no right to judge her. She really has undergone a difficult time. Losing a close and a beloved family member is serious enough to make one relegate every other thing to the background, be it work or one's life itself. I should not have been so cold and aloof to her.
I would apologize to her today, I promised myself.

Today Asy had also come. After a really long time! I was so happy to see her.

Stfn was in a horrible mood! Ready to beat the life out of you by her deeply thoughtful, serious, gloomy, quiet, sulking expressions alone, looking truly like a tragedy queen in short.
"Are you okay?" I asked matter of factly.
"No. I have a headache and I am not feeling good. My whole body is hurting."
I tried to be good to her the whole day but her sullen expressions just wouldn't go away.
I noticed she was totally disinterested in work, avoiding any molecule of effort that she could and finding ways to rest her butt. She should rather come to school with glue applied already to her bottom.

Little by little, Asy explained everything that had happened during her absence; the thefts, the false allegations, the letter, the whole conspiracy, everything. Stfn was shocked especially to hear that she had been accused of all the thefts in the school.

A new revelation was made today!

Stfn had applied in another school in March and secured a position. Nobody in the school knew about this. Yet,  the day when Mz and My were having their farewell, My came up to Stfn and congratulated her on her new job! How come?
"Hold. Please hold." I cried. " Can you tell me the name of the school in which you have got your new job?"
"LG"
"Asy, did you hear that? LG! LG!! LG!!!"
"So what does this mean?" Asked Stfn thoroughly puzzled.
"LG is the same school where As works.(as told to me by the new Nigerian teacher Tn.)
"Yes, I know. When I went there for my interview, the lady over there smiled at me and said she knew everything about me already because she had been told everything about myself by As who works over there. And My is also going to join that school soon."
"Asy, this proves my another hypothesis. I was guessing that Mz and My were still in close connection with As. The news of Stfn getting employed in LG was conveyed to My by As. I was also guessing that maybe As will arrange for My and Mz to get jobs in the same school. This guess is also right. I can't believe my reasoning was so accurate. I am amazed at myself."

Asy was amazed too not at the news but at the accuracy of my guess.

Good luck, Stfn, you are going to a den of wolves the same ones who wove a wicked plan to get you ousted from this school. Do you really want to go to that place now?

Our New Manager

Our new manager Mr, is a middle aged lady from Greece who is allegedly very qualified and experienced. She however can only speak a broken German and no English at all which means I may not have to do anything with her.

She joined today and started functioning by noting down everybody's name, group and status.

While we were making mother's day gift in our group she came and asked what it was and why all the groups were making different gifts.
"Because all the groups are of different age groups. They have to make gifts according to their appropriate age." Asy replied tersely looking at Mr as if wondering which planet she was coming from to think all the groups would make same gift.

Later, when we all three were undressing the children in the sleeping room, Mr peeped in and asked somewhat suspiciously what three teachers were doing together in one room. That sounded insulting, luckily for me I didn't understand and Asy almost angrily replied that we were undressing the children and putting them to bed.
"But surely, three teachers are too many for this work." She mumbled loud enough for us hear and know that she was trying to point out that we were a pack of lazy people just wasting our time and school's money.

Later, I heard that she scolded Mks for taking too much time to serve food to the children.

Everybody has started grumbling at her invasive management and her insulting behavior, especially about her weird decision about making the same gift for mother's day.
It is weird that she has joined the school just two days ago, doesn't as yet know how this school functions, hasn't talked or held a meeting to decide what needed to be done for mother's day and yet comes down on everyone to tell them what they were doing was wrong! First of all, it is not possible for all the groups to make the same gift; all the groups are of different age group and capabilities. And if she wanted such a thing she should have told us or at least discussed with us in advance.

She seems more like a police on patrol trying to catch thieves and bank robbers rather than a school manager who has to ensure smooth functioning of the institution. I wonder how far she can go with an offensive and totally tactless attitude like that.

Talk with ll's mom

Yesterday Stf sent an email to all the parents declaring officially that Stfn is resigning and 31st of May shall be her last day in the school. The mail, poignantly also mentioned that the school was not going to close down as some parents expressed their concern.

Today when Ll's mother came to drop Ll, she asked me discreetly casting a furtive glance in the classroom to make sure Stfn was't there.
"Now Stfn is also leaving?"
I nodded.
"I wanted to tell you that before Ll had joined this kindergarten, we had applied in several other kindergartens as well. We got a place in this one and joined. After that I forgot all about it until day before yesterday I suddenly received a mail from one one of them informing us that they have a place now. I am a bit bothered about the situation in this school, the way teachers keep changing. So I am not able to decide what I should do now."
" First of all, I would not advise you to stay in this school or any school if you were not happy with it for whatever reason. As a parent and as a child, it is most important for both of you to be satisfied and happy. If not, then it doesn't make sense if you happen to land in the best kindergarten of the world. On the other hand, the problems that bother you here may exist there as well. I have taught in several schools in other places of the world and I can vouch that frequent leaving of teachers in a school is as normal as breathing. It happens in every school of the world. Teachers keep leaving due to better opportunities or personal grounds like transfer, visa, career change etc. There is absolutely no guarantee that if you choose another school you won't encounter the same problem there as well."
"What do you think about this school?" She asked politely.
"This school? I am in love with it." Answered I vehemently. "I truly am. The school is very nice. The problem creating elements are out now and I am sure there never was anything else wrong with this school."

She was happy and admitted that my opinion sounded unbiased and expert. She very much wants to stay in this school because her daughter is very happy here but the the events happening here on a routine basis is so very unsettling...even frightening at times.