Today I was talking to Stfn and I found she is such a fragile, emotional, insecure, frightened person beneath her tough, determined, confident looks.
She told me she had once suffered from bulimia and her plus size makes her feel afraid of herself. She doesn't like looking into mirrors and have no idea how she must appear in the eyes of the others. She is very often depressed and distressed and suffers from variety of other ailments due to her depression.
I told her she looks extremely smart and confident and despite being a plus size she has a damn good dressing and makeup sense and some times looks absolutely stunning. She was so surprised to hear this.
Why are so surprised?' I asked. "Did no one tell you this before?"
"No. Probably I don't live amongst people who pay compliments."
Whatever My had told to me about Stfn a few days ago was weighing heavily on my heart since many days. I decided I should tell her. She wasn't surprised. She knew it already.
"But, I wasn't sleeping in my work time. It was my free time. As it is they think I am not active enogh with the children which is wrong because working with babies is different; it doesn't require a great deal of energy or movement."
"I don't care in the least whether you were sleeping in your free time or work time. So do not consider explaining it to me. So far as I am concerned I am glad I have you and not someone else. I know what a good teacher is and I know one when I see one. Earlier, I didn't know anything about your teaching caliber. Ever since you came to my group I noticed how nice you are with the kids, how methodical you are in your approach towards child education, and that despite having worked with babies before you appear to be equally good in handling bigger children. I know you hated and stiffly resisted moving out from the baby group but it is in a way better for you. You are lot more active now and you exercise your capabilities more than when you were in the baby group. Human brain is like a knife; it needs constant work or it will rust and become useless. When I see you working nicely with the bigger kids, I tell myself, this is what you need. You need challenging situations to prove your mettle and to keep your self from rusting away"
"Its not the first time I am working with bigger children. Before coming to this kindergarten I have worked with different age groups."
"Really? I didn't know this before. Definitely your experience shows."
"What does it matter? All the three bosses of this school, Stf, My and Mz do not like me. Especially My and Mz visibly hate me. In the afternoon, when I have to be in My's room together with Gbt, and Mks, I feel so very scared even to open my mouth. I just sit quietly in a corner of the room and mutely do whatever they tell me to. I am just too scared in their presence. I only nice and comfortable with you, Ndn and Mko."
"That's where you are committing a mistake." I pointed out. "They all think you are not active. By being scared and hiding in one corner you are just conforming their suspicion. And why should you be sacred and of whom? Stfn, you are a good teacher and as such instead of hiding yourself in one corner I suggest you do your work with even greater vigor. Do your best and lose yourself in your work. You will feel nicer and the others will shut their mouth."
Today there was meeting the school but I excused myself out of it on account of my Hindu festival and Stfn too didn't attend as she had her doctor appointment. She has pain in her neck and she can't hear from one ear whereas constantly hears a dull bell ring in her other one.
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